is ordinary to them yet! If it were, they wouldn't find their toes so endlessly fascinating. Or those black-and-white mobiles. Or their spit.
Second, the blurb talks about “exciting opportunities for imaginative play.” But where, precisely, is the imaginative play in watching a show about water? If you want your kids to learn all the wonders of “stomping in the rain” and “splashing in the bathtub”—put them there! Water is not difficult to find. Let them feel it and taste it and enjoy it, not just stare at some other kids and fish frolicking!
OK. I'll calm down. Point is: educational baby media products are brilliantly marketed and utterly unnecessary. But even if you don't buy into them, they reinforce the idea that babies need to start their “education” right away. Sometimes even in utero. (You've heard of those tapes, right, that you play to the fetus? Or at least aim at your belly button?)
Now if all these videos were just marketed truthfully: “Here's something for your kids to watch while you do some work and then start mindlessly browsing the Web. It won't make them any smarter, and it may make them cranky when you turn it off, but it's not the end of the world if they watch it, either”—that, at least, would be fair. It doesn't promise us too much; it doesn't damn us too much, either. But best of all, it wouldn't make us so confused about what is “best” for our children and what isn't. Otherwise, it's really hard to tell, because it seems that lately every possible toy or class or activity or event or show or utter piece of junk is peddled to us as “educational.” (Though once in a while someone may substitute “stimulates creativity.”) This is not only bamboozling; it also leads us to assume we're supposed to spend every second of the day pumping our kids full of brilliance. Another thing to worry about.
This educational obsession can take an ordinary toy—like a little battery-operated light-up drum I saw the other day—and instead of labeling it, “Loud, annoying thing,” insist that it is actually a developmental showstopper: “Promotes hand–eye coordination!”
That it does. Promotes finger-in-ear coordination, too.
A package of foam rubber letters to play with in the tub said, “Inspires imagination”—as if now your kid is going to start composing Moby Dick above the soap dish.
Meantime, an article in one of the parenting magazines, “Why Music Boosts Brainpower,” begs the question: If music didn't boost brainpower, would it be worthless? In the eyes of a society bent on producing wunderkinds, maybe so. (Another article said cuddling may boost babies’ IQs. That's good, because otherwise we certainly wouldn't bother cuddling the helpless blobs, right?)
The music article went on to give all sorts of suggestions as to how to make your child more musical, while cheerily noting, “Raising a music lover is easy. If you start early and keep it fun, your child won't miss a beat.”
God help those who don't start early. (Never mind that George Gershwin didn't even have a piano in his house until he was twelve—one of my favorite anecdotes. That's George “Rhapsody in Blue” Gershwin.)
So we sign our kids up for Gymboree or Kindermusik, or maybe we take them to the local class on “sound and movement” like I did with my older son—a class so boring that the other nannies and moms looked ready to cry. The kids already were. After one of the sessions, I bolted out with another mom, and we bonded by confessing, “God I hate going there!” But go we did, because we didn't want our children to end up nonmusical. (Even though mine did. And then we gave him private electric guitar lessons he didn't really like, either.)
There is nothing wrong with exposing your children to all sorts of opportunities and toys, of course. But there's nothing wrong with scaling back a little, either, even on the educational and safety product front. I know the catalogs keep coming, and other parents show up with all the latest inventions, but now is the time to try resisting some of that “You need this thing to make your kid safe, smart, and happy” drumbeat. The one beaten on that oh-so-educational, battery-operated drum.
Enrichment is all around us. Danger is not. Keep those two straight and your family will be richer in every sense of the word.
REAL WORLD
“Baby Whatever” Videos—What a Freaking Scam!
A Massachusetts mom writes:
I remember when my kids were babies, I had never really heard of the Baby Whatever videos. One of my friends raved and raved about them. I happened to see one at this friend's house once and thought, “This? That's it? This is the most boring useless drivel I have ever seen. What a freaking scam!” So I never ever purchased one. Instead, I let my kids play with toys, pull pots and pans out of the cabinet, bounce in their Exersaucer, and other such things.
My favorite Baby Einstein video story happened at a playgroup once. The playgroup met at another mom's house. She was another Baby video junkie. She put on a video, and the babies, who were about 9–11 months old, stopped playing with their toys and crawling around and just sat and stared. Except for my son. He first tried to crawl behind the TV to see what was there. Then he went over to one of the mesmerized kids, looked at the kid, looked at the TV, and took the other kid's toy.
That's my boy!
Going Free Range
Free-Range Baby Step: Release your baby bathwater temperature turtle into the wild.
Free-Range Brave Step: Walk through the baby safety department of a store with your oldest living relative asking, “Which of these things did you need?”
One Giant Leap for Free-Range Kind: Do something that will truly make your child safer and does not involve any new, dumb doodads: test your smoke alarms. Make sure they have working batteries. Make a deal with yourself to change them twice a year, when you change your clocks.
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