worth it. Trust me.
For a moment, Mia feels great about this conversation. She helped Olivia avoid a big mistake. Then it hits her: she just wasted an opportunity to get Olivia reengaged at work. So, she presses the Do-Over Button:
Version 2: Do-Over
| Olivia: | Hey, Mia. Now that you're our manager, maybe you could finally help us get the resources we need. I'd like to get an intern this summer. Can I do that? |
| Mia: | Thanks for coming to me with this! I definitely want to use this role to get us the resources we need. What made you start thinking of getting an intern? |
| Olivia: | I just never have enough time to finish everything on my plate. |
| Mia: | So that we could find the right solution, I'm curious: what are you thinking you'd delegate to the intern, and what would that give you more time to do? |
| Olivia: | Well, I guess I'm not even sure I know yet. It's unclear what my priorities should be. |
Q-stepping Helps Managers Become More Effective Faster in at Least Three Ways
1. Q-stepping Helps You Diagnose the Underlying Problem Faster
In the conversation with Luca, we missed out on learning the source of his disappointment (not getting to make process improvements). And the conversation with Olivia got stuck in the binary (should we get an intern or not?) rather than uncovering her prioritization challenge. Just as a good physician would never prescribe medicine without first diagnosing the illness, a good manager cannot offer advice without first understanding the problem. Even though it might seem quicker to jump to a solution, a great solution to the wrong problem is still the wrong solution. The Q-step helps you diagnose faster, so it also helps you solve the right problem faster.
2. Q-stepping Helps You Develop People's Skills Faster
In her do-over conversations, Mia wasn't solving her team members’ problems for them. Instead, her questions helped them clarify their thinking. The result? She also helped speed up problem-solving skill building they can apply to countless other situations. She was a catalyst. Without these developmental moments, managers become problem-solving bottlenecks, making it hard for the team to scale (and nearly impossible for the manager to take a vacation).
3. Q-stepping Lets You Catalyze Commitment
The “resolutions” in Mia's original conversations came with a heavy tax. She never learned about Luca's hopes, and Olivia left less likely to propose ideas in the future. As we'll share in more detail in Chapter 11, autonomy is at the heart of engagement. Research shows that when people play a leading role in solving their own problems, they shift from mere compliance – doing what they're told, into commitment – having the drive to achieve results (Deci and Ryan 2008).
So we know great managers ask more questions than average. But there is more to this finding. When we asked our research participants if asking questions came naturally to them, we were surprised to hear common answers like this:
“No! Solving problems comes naturally to me! Especially when I was a new manager, it actually felt painful to ask a question instead of jumping in with a good answer. I'd get so frustrated as I waited for my direct reports to figure things out on their own – especially when we were short on time.”
While a few managers said that questions were easy to ask, the majority reported at least some difficulty – with some answers bordering on suffering. This internal struggle makes sense. Most people become managers after they've had a stint as successful “makers.” But the skillsets of these two roles are vastly different, much like the difference between soloists and conductors. Individual contributors succeed when they solve problems. Managers succeed when they help others solve problems.
When you transition from maker to manager, you have to learn to ignore the very instincts that made you successful in the past, and you have to deal with the delay of gratification that comes with waiting for others to achieve results. Most managers we interviewed understood that asking questions was essential, but they had to exercise restraint to change their problem-solving habits.
This push-pull of craving the instant gratification of giving an answer and wanting to invest in asking questions is oddly similar to the taxi driver study LeeAnn conducted at the University of Vienna. In cities across the world, taxi drivers honk horns. They honk to signal information, they honk to avoid danger, and they honk just because it feels good. It turns out that many taxi drivers honk even when they risk consequences like fines, angry drivers, and being stuck in traffic with a lot of other horn honkers. The solution to needless honking? Having the drivers label their “honk urge.” As soon as they felt the need to honk, they called it out – a strategy referred to in psychology as “name it to tame it” (Lieberman et al. 2007). This simple intervention bought them just enough time to question whether honking was worth it.
Practice Station
Now that you've gotten to ride along through time with Mia, get some Q-stepping practice for yourself. Take a look at the following scenarios and decide how you would respond if you went into Telling Mode, then pivot to a Q-step by asking at least one question.
| TELLING MODE | Q-STEP |
| Someone suggests an idea that has not worked in the past. | |
| Sample tell: That'll never work. | Sample Q-step: What options have you considered? How did you decide on this one? |
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Your
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