The Punster's Pocket-book. Westmacott Charles Molloy

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in use among the Chaldeans," who were first instructed in the methods of punning by their magi, and gained such reputation, that Ptolemæus Philo-punnæus sent for six of those learned priests, to propagate their doctrine of puns in six of his principal cities; which they did with such success, that his majesty ordered, by public edict, to have a full collection of all the puns made within his dominions for three years past; and this collection filled one large apartment of his library, having this following remarkable inscription over the door:

Ἱκτϛειον ψυχης,"The shop of the soul's physic2."

      Some authors, but upon what ground it is uncertain, will have Pan, who in the Æolic dialect is called Pun, to be the author of Puns, because, they say, Pan being the god of universal nature, and Punning free of all languages, it is highly probable that it owes its first origin, as well as name, to this god: others again attribute it to Janus, and for this reason – Janus had two faces; and of consequence they conjectured every word he spoke had a double meaning. But, however, I give little credit to these opinions, which I am apt to believe were broached in the dark and fabulous ages of the world; for I doubt, before the first Olympiad, there can be no great dependence upon profane history.

      I am much more inclined to give credit to Buxtorf; nor is it improbable that Pythagoras, who spent twenty-eight years at Egypt in his studies, brought this art, together with some arcana of philosophy, into Greece; the reason for which might be, that philosophy and punning were a mutual assistance to each other: "For," says he, "puns are like so many torch-lights in the head, that give the soul a very distinct view of those images, which she before seemed to grope after as if she had been imprisoned in a dungeon." From whence he looked upon puns to be so sacred, and had such a regard to them, that he left a precept to his disciples, forbidding them to eat beans, because they were called in Greek πυννοι. "Let not," says he, "one grain of the seeds be lost; but preserve and scatter them over all Greece, that both our gardens and our fields may flourish with a vegetable, which, on account of its name, not only brings an honour to our country, but, as it disperses its effluvia in the air, may also, by a secret impulse, prepare the soul for punning, which I esteem the first and great felicity of life."

      This art being so very well recommended by so great a man, it was not long before it spread through all Greece, and at last was looked upon to be such a necessary accomplishment, that no person was admitted to a feast who was not first examined, and if he were found ignorant of punning, he was dismissed with Ἑκἁς ἑϛε, βἑζηλοι, "Hence, ye profane!"

      If any one doubts the truth of what I say, let him consult the apophthegms of Plutarch, who, after he had passed several encomiums upon this art, gives some account of persons eminent in it; among which (to shorten my preface) I choose one of the most illustrious examples, and will entertain the courteous reader with the following story: "King Philip had his collar-bone broken in a battle; and his physician expecting money of him every visit, the king reproved him with a pun, saying he had the key in his own hands." For the word κλἑεις, in the original, signifies both a key and a collar-bone3.

      We have also several puns recorded in Diogenes Laertius's "Lives of the Philosophers;" and those made by the wisest and gravest men among them, even by Diogenes the cynick, who, although pretending to withstand the irresistible charms of punning, was cursed with the name of an abhorrer Yet, in spite of all his ill-nature and affectation (for he was a tub-preacher), he made so excellent a pun, that Scaliger said, "He would rather have been author of it, than king of Navarre." The story is as follows: Didymus (not Didymus the commentator upon Homer, but a famous rake among the ladies at Athens) having taken in hand to cure a virgin's eye that was sore, had this caution given him by Diogenes, "Take care you do not corrupt your pupil." The word κὁρα signifies both the pupil of the eye and a virgin4.

      It would be endless to produce all the authorities that might be gathered, from Diodorus Siculus, Herodotus, Proconosius, Bergæus, Dionysius Halicarnassensis, Lycophron, Pindar, Apollonius, Menander, Aristophanes, Corinthus Cous, Nonnus, Demosthenes, Euripides, Thucydides, Plato, Aristotle, &c.; from every one of which I should have produced some quotations, were it not that we are so unfortunate in this kingdom not to have Greek types sufficient for such an undertaking5: for want of which, I have been put to the necessity, in the word κὁρα, of writing an alpha for an éta.

      However, I believe it will not be amiss to bring some few testimonies, to show in what great esteem the art of punning was among the most refined wits at Rome, and that in the most polite ages, as will appear from the following quotations.

      Quinctilian says6, "Urbanitas est virtus quædam, in breve dictum, verum sensu duplici, coacta, et apta ad delectandos homines," &c. Thus translated, "Punning is a virtue, comprised in a short expression, with a double meaning, and fitted to delight the ladies."

      Lucretius also,

      Quò magìs æternum da dictis, Diva, leporem.

      "Goddess, eternal puns on me bestow."

      And elsewhere,

      Omnia enim lepidi magìs admirantur, amántque

      Germanis quæ sub verbis latitantia cernunt:

      Verbaque constituunt simili fucata sonore,

      Nec simili sensu, sed quæ mentita placerent.

      "All men of mirth and sense admire and love

      Those words which like twin-brothers doubtful prove;

      When the same sounds a different sense disguise,

      In being deceived the greatest pleasure lies."

      Thus Claudian:

      Vocibus alternant sensus, fraudisque jocosæ,

      Vim duplicem rident, lacrymosaque gaudia miscent.

      "From word to word th' ambiguous sense is play'd;

      Laughing succeeds, and joyful tears are shed."

      And Martial:

      Sit mihi, Cinna, comes, salibus dictisque facetus,

      Qui sapit ambiguos fundere ab ore sonos.

      "Cinna, give me the man, when all is done,

      That wisely knows to crack a jest and pun."

      Petronius likewise will tell you,

      Dicta, sales, risus, urbana crepundia vocum,

      Ingenii facilis quæ documenta dabunt.

      "Jokes, repartees, and laugh, and pun polite,

      Are the true test to prove a man is right."

      And Lucan:

      Illi est imperium risus, qui fraude leporis

      Ambigua fallens, humeros quatit usque solutis

      Nexibus, ac tremuli trepidant curvamina dorsi,

      Et jecur, et cordis fibras, et pandit anhelas

      Pulmonis latebras —

      "He's king of mirth, that slightly cheats our sense

      With pun ambiguous, pleasing in suspense;

      The shoulders lax become, the bending back

      Upheaved with laughter, makes our ribs to crack;

      E'en to the liver he can joys impart,

      And play upon the fibres of the heart;

      Open the chambers of longues

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