for your own choices, this tells you that making big decisions when fear is strong is fraught with danger. Fear commonly causes us to overreact and become frenetic, or to underreact and become too passive, too inactive. Again that reminder, it is wise to give yourself time for major decisions. Particularly allow time for any shock to settle so that you will be more relaxed and be in a better place with fear. Then with a calmer, clearer mind you will be able to gather all the information you need, make your choices and set your goals.
Step 2. Use Both Sides of Your Brain to Make Good Choices in the Decision-Making Process
The human mind has intelligence and wisdom. We think logically and also we can think more abstractly, more intuitively, more wisely. Clearly, both logic and wisdom are useful; in fact, logic without wisdom can be dangerous.
However, in the world we live in, where science has such a high value, it makes sense to begin by assessing things logically. Then we need to add the wisdom. Wisdom in its most ordinary form may be as simple as “common sense,” but we will investigate developing wisdom more fully soon.
Start with Good Information and Logic
Ideally, it is wise to obtain the best opinions, the best advice from the most experienced experts in whatever field you are considering. It is wise to ask them for an opinion. What would they do in your position? What would they recommend or where would they send you if you were their child, their parent or their partner? Then, informed by this expert opinion, do whatever additional research you consider warranted or within your capabilities.
But consider this, and a warning, if you do not want your head messed with a little, perhaps it will be wise to skip the next paragraph!
There was a major study carried out some years ago in the United Kingdom with the aim of developing best practice recommendations for women with breast cancer. Two hypothetical case histories were formulated: one for a typical woman with primary breast cancer, the other for a typical woman with a recurrence. These were circulated to all the major cancer hospitals and treatment centers around the UK seeking consensus as to the best treatment to recommend. The results were somewhat disconcerting. While the recommended treatments had some similarities from all the centers, there were enough variations for the study to report that a number of different recommendations were received. For the women with primary breast cancer, the number of treatments regarded to be different was put at thirty-five! For the typical case of secondary breast cancer, the woman with a recurrence, the number was forty-five! So if the woman with primary breast cancer had been a real woman rather than an hypothetical case and if she had gone to one major cancer hospital, then decided she wanted a second opinion, she could have gone to thirty-five other centers before finding a match. What do you do with that if you only use your logic?
In real life, a woman with a breast lump is likely to start with her family doctor. If breast cancer is suspected or confirmed, she is likely to be referred to a specialist. She may have known the local doctor for years or not, she will almost certainly have no prior experience with the specialist.
The logic of what the specialist has to say regarding her condition and treatment options will be really useful information. It is likely to form the basis of the decision-making process. But logic also says there may be other ways to consider treating her condition. Is it worth seeking thirty-five other opinions? Of course not. These days, many major cancer centers aim to resolve this potential problem by using a team approach. There is a trend toward gathering together surgeons, oncologists, radiologists and other health professionals to discuss the individual needs of individual people.
But what of the person him- or herself? I strongly suggest there is more to decision making than pure logic. If we talk of a broken leg with major damage, the logic is compelling to have surgery and a cast. In that situation one does not need to dwell on the choices too much. But in cancer medicine, the choices are not always so clear. The reality is that many cancer treatments are tough on the patient. Often the risk of side effects is considerable and the potential gains debatable. Unfortunately, in this and many other situations, logic does not always provide an obvious answer.
However, with almost all decisions, it will make obvious sense to gather the best information you can, based on the best evidence available. An example of how to achieve this was given in chapter 3, where we discussed how to decide what treatment to commit to.
Add Contemplation—Develop Clarity, Confidence and Wisdom
Contemplation is a methodical way to think something through and to gain a deeper understanding of it. Also, contemplation provides a way of directly tapping into our intuition. All this helps to dispel doubts and reliably builds clarity and confidence. As a consequence, commitment develops more strongly and it becomes easier to follow through with our decisions.
Contemplation is easy to do and comes highly recommended for all our major decisions, and for setting all our positive-thinking goals.
So we can investigate and learn how this technique works. We will use the example of reviewing our eating habits and deciding on what sort of diet to follow. Here are the steps.
Goal Setting Using Contemplation
1. Decide what the issue is (e.g., in our example, to set dietary goals) and determine to reach a conclusion.
2. Express the issue as a question (e.g., What will be best for me to eat?).
3. Do the research. Use your intellect and your logic. Read the books, get on the net, speak to the experts, discuss it with friends, listen to CDs. Ideally, make notes. This person said that, this book the other, etc. With food it is usually easiest to write lists of the different recommendations.
4. Set a time for the decision to be made. There are two ways to do this. If you were to buy a new washing machine, probably you would wait until you gathered all the relevant information. Presuming you have determined your price range, you could find out the makes and models available and collect all their details within a reasonable period of time. However, with food you could collect information indefinitely. So you probably need to say to yourself something like, “I will collect all the information I can in the next two weeks [this two weeks is just an arbitrary figure I have used—there is no need to take me literally on this one—choose your own time frame] and then I will make the best decision I can.”
5. On the day when the decision is to be made, give yourself some time—half an hour to an hour is ideal—and some space—either where you meditate regularly or in any quiet area. Make sure you can be free from the telephone and other possible distractions. Take with you any notes you have made and any other material you have gathered. Also, take a pen and some paper in case you want to write on it.
6. When you sit down, begin by reviewing your research material and in this way refresh all the knowledge you have of your subject. If you do not have written material go straight to the next step.
7. Consciously relax your body and calm your mind. This will be a familiar process if you have some experience of meditation. The aim is to relax your body and to calm your mind so you are in a better state of mind to progress into contemplation.
8. Once relaxed in this manner, focus your attention on consciously reviewing the facts as you remember them.
9. So, in our example, you might recall the style of food you have been eating, the broad issues relating to why you are considering changing
