in my head, though my general health seems improved; but my kind physician says I am much better, and advises me now change of air. I am most reluctant to go, though on two former occasions when I used change of air, in August 1829 at Exmouth, and in 1835 at Niton in the Isle of Wight, the Lord abundantly blessed me in doing so, both bodily and spiritually. This evening a sister who resides about fifty miles from hence, and who is therefore quite unacquainted with the medical advice given to me this morning, sent me 15l. for the express purpose of change of air, and wrote that she felt assured, from having been similarly afflicted, that nothing would do me so much good, humanly speaking, as quiet and change of air. How wonderfully does God work! I have thus the means of carrying into effect my physicians advice.-Today I heard of a most remarkable case of conversion through the instrumentality of my Narrative.
Jan. 7. This is the ninth Lords day that I have been kept from ministering in the Word. My head is in a distressing state, and, as far as I can judge, as bad as ever. It seems to me more and more clear that the nerves are affected. My affliction is connected with a great tendency to irritability of temper; yea, with some satanic feeling, foreign to me even naturally. O Lord, mercifully keep Thy servant from openly dishonouring Thy name! Rather take me soon home to Thyself!
Jan. 10. Today I went with my family to Trowbridge.
Jan. 12. Trowbridge. This evening I commenced reading Whitfields life, written by Mr. Philip.
Jan. 13. I have already received blessings through Whitfields life. His great success in preaching the Gospel is evidently to be ascribed, instrumentally, to his great prayerfulness, and his reading the Bible on his knees. I have known the importance of this for years; I have practiced it a little, but far too little. I have had more communion with God today than I have had, at least generally, for some time past.
Jan. 14. Lords day. I have, continued reading Whitfields life. God has again blessed it to my soul. I have spent several hours in prayer today, and read on my knees, and prayed for two hours over Psalm lxiii. God has blessed my soul much today. I have been fighting together with the armies of Jesus, though this is the tenth Lords day since I have been kept from preaching, and though I have not assembled with the brethren here, on account of my head. My soul is now brought into that state, that I delight myself in the will of God, as it regards my health. Yea, I can now say, from my heart, I would not have this disease removed till God, through it, has bestowed the blessing for which it was sent. He has drawn out my soul much yesterday and today. Lord, continue Thy goodness, and fill me with love! I long, more fully to glorify God; not so much by outward activity, as by inward conformity to the image of Jesus. What hinders God, to make of one, so vile as I am, another Whitfield? Surely, God could bestow as much grace upon me, as He did upon him. O, my Lord, draw me closer and closer to Thyself, that I may run after Thee!-I desire, if God should restore me again for the ministry of the Word (and this I believe He will do soon, judging from the state in which He has now brought my soul, though I have been worse in health the last eight days, than for several weeks previously), that my preaching may be more than ever the result of earnest prayer and much meditation, and that I may so walk with God, that "out of my belly may flow rivers of living water." But alas! if the grace of God prevent not, one day more, and the rich blessings, which He has bestowed upon my soul yesterday and today, will all vanish; but again, if He favours me (and oh! may He do it), I shall go from strength to strength, and I and the saints in Bristol shall have abundant reason to praise God for this my illness.
Jan. 15. I have had since yesterday afternoon less suffering in my head than for the last eight days! though it is even now far from being well. I have still an inward assurance, on account of the spiritual blessings which the Lord has granted to me, that through this affliction He is only purifying me for His blessed service, and that I shall be soon restored to the work.-Today, also, God has continued to me fervency of spirit, which I have now enjoyed for three days following. He has today, also, drawn out my soul into much real communion with Himself, and into holy desires to be more conformed to His dear Son. When God gives a spirit of prayer, how easy then to pray! Nevertheless it was given to me in the use of the means, as I fell on my knees last Saturday, to read His Word with meditation, and to turn it into prayer. Today I spent about three hours in prayer over Ps. lxiv. and lxv. In reference to that precious word! "O thou that hearest prayer," (Ps. lxv. 2.) I asked the Lord the following petitions, and entreated Him to record them in heaven and to answer them.
1. That He would give me grace to glorify Him by a submissive and patient spirit under my affliction.
2. That, as I was enabled now, and only now from my heart, to praise God for this affliction, He would not remove His hand from me, until He had qualified me for His work more than I have been hitherto.
3. That He would be pleased to grant, that the work of conversion, through the instrumentality of brother Craik and myself, might not cease, but go on as much now as when we first came to Bristol, yea, more abundantly than even then.
4. That He would be pleased to give more real spiritual prosperity to the church under our care, than ever we have as yet enjoyed.
5. Having praised Him for the sale of so many copies of my Narrative in so short a time, I entreated Him to cause every copy to be disposed of.
6. I asked Him to continue to let His rich blessing rest upon this little work, and more abundantly, so that many may be converted through it, and many of the children of God truly benefited by it; and that thus I might now be speaking through it, though laid aside from active service.
7. I asked Him for His blessing, in the way of conversion, to rest upon the Orphans, and upon the Sunday and Day-School children under our care.
8. I asked Him for means to carry on these Institutions, and to enlarge them.
These are some of the petitions which I have asked of my God this evening in connexion with this His own word. I believe He has heard me. I believe He will make it manifest, in His own good time, that He has heard me; and I have recorded these my petitions this 14th day of January, 1838, that, when God has answered them, He may get, through this, glory to His name.-[Whilst writing this second part, I add to the praise of the Lord, and for the encouragement of the children of God, that petitions 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8, have been fully answered, and the other petitions, likewise, in part.]
Jan. 16, Tuesday. A blessed day. How very good is the Lord! Fervency of spirit, through His grace, is continued to me, though this morning, but for the help of God, I should have lost it again. The weather has been very cold for several days; but today I suffered much, either because it was colder than before, or because I felt it more, owing to the weakness of my body, and having taken so much medicine. I arose from my knees, and stirred the fire; but I still remained very cold. I was a little irritated by this. I moved to another part of the room, but felt the cold still more. At last, having prayed for some time, I was obliged to rise up, and take a walk to promote circulation. I now entreated the Lord on my walk, that this circumstance might not be permitted to rob me of the precious communion which I have had with Him the last three days; for this was the object at which Satan aimed. I confessed also my sin of irritability on account of the cold, and sought to have my conscience cleansed through the blood of Jesus. He had mercy upon me, my peace was restored; and when I returned I sought the Lord again in prayer, and had uninterrupted communion with Him. [I have purposely mentioned the above circumstance, in detail, in order to show, how the most trivial causes may operate in suddenly robbing one of the enjoyment of most blessed communion with God.] I have been enabled to pray for several hours this day. The subject of my meditation has been Psalm lxvi.—Verses 10, 11, and 12, are particularly applicable to my present circumstances. God has already, through the instrumentality of this my affliction, brought me into a "wealthy place," and I believe He will bless my soul yet more and more.-I do not remember any time, when I have had more fervency of spirit in connexion with such a desire to overcome every thing that is hateful in the sight of God, and with such an earnestness to be fully conformed to the image
