like you a lot, too, Lauren, and you know it! But don’t make things more complicated than they are. Let’s see what happens when we don’t see each other every day. I don’t want to make any promises, and I don’t want you to make promises either. Don’t you think it’s enough to wait and see if we still feel the same way about each other in three months time? When we see each other again at Christmas?’
Lauren sat up, trying to hold back the tears that were burning behind her eyelids. She didn’t want to fight, but Tim’s answer sounded like a pathetic attempt to weasel his way out of this. Her throat hurt from the giant lump expanding inside it, and she was almost unable to speak.
‘Of course! Sure! Don’t tie yourself down!’ She glared at him angrily, but she was just as angry at herself. She should have known. A guy this good-looking, who was in a non-exclusive sexual relationship with some blonde beanpole, couldn’t possibly be looking for a long-term commitment or, God forbid, a wife. He had probably only gotten involved with her because he knew that she wasn’t staying long. Long enough to have a little fun together, but not long enough to actually make a commitment.
Tim reached for her arm, but she squirmed free. He probably didn’t even want to hurt her, but this made it even worse. He didn’t need to hurt her.
Nobody was forcing him to destroy what they had, right here and now.
‘This has nothing to do with being tied down!’ he objected, but Lauren was already up and patting the dust off her pants.
‘It’s fine, Tim. Don’t ruin the great sex we had by talking about it! Can I have my blanket please?’
Tim shook his head, uncomprehending, and brushed his hair from his forehead. Then he stood up as well. Before he could even bend down to the blanket, Lauren had snatched it up, holding it up in front of her like a shield.
‘Lauren, please. This thing between us, it’s more than sex. And you know it.’ He reached his hands out for her, and she wanted nothing more than to throw herself into his arms and stay there.
‘I need to pack my bags, so I think it’s better if you leave now,’ she said coldly, taking a step back to bring some distance between them. She didn’t need the smell of his cologne, which had become so familiar to her by now, to challenge her resolve. No matter how hard this already was, every additional minute spent close to him would only increase her pain and her disappointment.
Tim didn’t take his sad ice-blue eyes off her face, and she had to turn around to stay strong. She walked away with slow, measured steps, even though she felt like running, and left him standing where he was. The autumn leaves beneath her feet rustled with every step she took.
‘Do you want me to kick his teeth in?’ Benjamin asked, putting his arm around his sister’s shoulders as she furiously wiped the tears from her face. The pillow she held tightly pressed against her chest was already tear soaked and showed the tell-tale stains, but Lauren was not afraid to openly show her feelings in front of Ben. They’d always been able to talk about everything.
Which was why her brother’s surprise visit had made her postpone her departure for Maine to the following morning. She hadn’t seen Ben in months. Ever since a talent scout had discovered him on the baseball field during his college years, he had played for the Phillies in the Minor League and only rarely came home for a visit or for occasions when, like now, he was in-between seasons. That’s the sacrifice you make when you want to play with the big boys one day. It was the price he had to pay if he ever wanted it to make it to the Major League.
‘Hmm, no . . .’ Lauren knew she didn’t sound very convincing. She was disappointed in Tim, and Ben’s suggestion really was quite appealing. ‘It wouldn’t go down well with the media. What about your criminal record! And what would Daddy say?’
‘Ha! I know a guy, someone I sometimes meet up and have a drink with. He could wipe my record nice and clean again!’
‘Oh, so much corruption in this world!’ Lauren played along with Ben’s tough-guy-show, even though she knew he was only bragging. Ben was the most decent, the most upright person she knew. Except on the baseball field. ‘Ain’t that the truth! Just say the word, Little Sis, and I’ll tear that pig to shreds.’
Lauren smiled and shook her head.
‘Don’t worry about it. It’s my own damn fault. What did I expect?’
Ben scratched his ginger buzz-cut styled hair and shrugged his shoulders.
‘I don’t think it’s asking too much if a guy . . . someone you . . .’
‘Sleep with?’ Lauren helped him along as he, a little sheepishly, was searching for the right words.
‘Yeah, I guess so . . . I mean that a guy doesn’t just dump you as soon as things get a little hairy.’
‘Hairy?’
‘Come on, you know what I mean! Difficult, complicated . . . Do you want my advice or not?’
Lauren leaned against Ben’s shoulder and emptied her wine glass. Through the skylight she stared out into the cloud-covered night sky. She would need to go to bed soon, or she’d be dead by the time she arrived in Maine. Fortunately, her professors weren’t too strict on the first day after summer break.
‘When it comes down to it, I’m not really looking for advice. I think I was running off in the completely wrong direction, only because it felt so right at the time. And now . . . I have to face the music.’
‘Well, that’s a pretty good reason to run off in the wrong direction if you ask me.’
He winked at her, stretching out his long, athletic legs. They were sitting on the hardwood floor, leaning against the bed, because Lauren couldn’t bring herself to sit on top of the very bed she and Tim had spent so much time in these past few weeks.
‘I think so, too. You know,’ she confessed quietly, ‘I really thought this could be the real deal.’
Ben reached for the wine bottle and refilled her glass once again.
‘Did you fall in love with the guy?’
‘Maybe . . .’
He looked at her and kissed her on the temple.
‘Silly girl!’ he muttered, thrusting the full glass into her hands and took his own, empty glass for another refill. ‘Your brother’s out of town for the summer, unable to threaten or beat up your adoring fans, and you have nothing better to do than to hook up with such a loser.’
Lauren smirked and took a big gulp of her wine.
‘You’re so right! Come to think of it, the whole thing is entirely your fault!’
Ben nodded and raised his glass.
‘All right, all right, guilty as charged. What’s my punishment?’
Lauren laughed and slapped him with her pillow.
‘You’re coming home for Christmas this year so that I won’t have to sit around a stupid tree with Mom and Dad and look at childhood photos. Promise me!’
Ben pushed her away, making a pained face, and got up.
