Nailed It!. Mel Campbell
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Old Steve had grunted non-committally.
‘Maybe you should knock back doing those cabinets for the Liew kitchen.’
‘Ehhh …’ Old Steve had said.
‘The TAC job?’
‘Hell no,’ Old Steve had said firmly.
‘Well, if you can keep doing all that without me, what did you need me for?’ Rose had said briskly.
Old Steve had chuckled. ‘Maybe my retirement was a few years further away than I led you to believe. But doing things the right way is a two-person job. Besides, I like having a young person around so I can pass on all my wisdom. All the old ways.’
‘Come on, Steve, what wisdom did you actually pass on to me?’
‘Don’t trust your boss?’
Rose had laughed at that.
‘I should have known I couldn’t pull the wool over your eyes forever,’ he’d said.
‘It was sweet of you to try,’ Rose had said. ‘See you round, Steve.’
Now, she was still trying to figure out where she was meant to report to. It wasn’t until she spotted someone emerging from a shed holding a boom microphone that she figured she was on the right track. There wasn’t much in the way of signage; taped to the inside of a window next to the roller door was an A4 printout that read ‘Endeavour Productions – Studio 2’. Gingerly, Rose walked through the open doorway.
At first glance, the inside of the shed looked like any other busy worksite. At the far end were a couple of boats on trailers, from which Rose could hear the familiar sounds of hammering and drilling. Around the hulls, other workers hurried back and forth. They were dressed much the same as Rose, in jeans, shorts or work pants with polo shirts and polar fleece. But as Rose looked more carefully, she noticed the walkie-talkies and headsets the production staff were wearing as they bustled about.
‘Um, I’m looking for Bernie?’ Rose said to a passer-by.
‘Over by craft services.’
‘Craft services?’ How fancy was this show? Was reality TV more artisanal than she’d realised?
‘The food.’
With one shoulder, the man indicated a trestle table set up along the side wall, bearing a hot-water urn, jars of teabags and instant coffee, a plate of dry biscuits and an assortment of mugs.
‘Where’s the real food?’ Rose said to herself. This was a distinct comedown from the lavish catering on the Mansions in the Sky set. As she watched, the urn let out a burping noise and began to drool water. Maybe Nicola was right about this show …
Stirring spoonful after spoonful of sugar into his tea was a burly man with grey hair peeking from under a faded baseball cap. As Rose watched, he took a hip flask from his pocket and added a slug of its contents to the cup.
‘Bernie?’ Rose said.
He turned. ‘Yeah, that’s me,’ he said, ‘unless you’re from my ex-wife’s lawyers, in which case I died in a fire.’
Rose laughed awkwardly. ‘No legal skills here,’ she said. ‘I’m a cabinetmaker by trade. Cody Somerville hired me yesterday – she said she’d ring you to say I’d be here today.’
Bernie stared at Rose. ‘Come with me,’ he said, jerking his head at a side exit.
Behind the shed was an L-shaped pier, with half-built houseboats moored at regular intervals. Rose followed Bernie along the numbered berths until he stopped at the third boat. Two clearly inexperienced people in beanies and heavy jackets were trying to install new decking at the bow. The old decking had been torn out and was lying in a pile on the pier.
Such a shame, Rose thought. It was still in perfectly good nick. Then she winced as she noticed how unevenly spaced the new planks were: some were pressed flush together, while others had gaps wide enough to drop a phone through. Why weren’t these people using spacers to measure out consistent widths?
And no wonder the planks were all over the shop – as their hapless installers knelt at one end, the other ends were flicking up in the air. What they needed were some bricks to weigh them down, Rose thought. Perhaps wrap the bricks in some plastic or something, though, so they wouldn’t scratch the wood …
On the pier, a camera operator and sound recorder edged around the pile of discarded decking, filming the two incompetents. Bernie watched them, sipping from his tea, his other hand on his hip above his low-slung tool belt.
‘Now, who were you were working for again?’ he said to Rose.
‘Steve D Elder.’
‘You mean Old Steve?’ Bernie laughed. ‘Yeah, I know. Just wanted to hear you say it. I called him to check up on you – and to check it was really him,’ he said. ‘Coulda blown me down with a feather. I’d thought they put him in the ground years ago.’
‘Well,’ said Rose, ‘if they did, he got back out.’
Bernie looked her up and down. ‘You look pretty young to be working with Steve,’ he said.
‘It’s a great way to learn a lot.’
His face crinkled into a smile. ‘Knowing Old Steve, you’re learning a lot about his chisel collection.’ He pointed at the disgrace currently unfolding on board the boat. ‘What do you make of this?’
Rose shook her head. ‘I don’t know if they’re laying that teak over fibreglass or plywood, but I hope they sanded it flat before they started, or the epoxy won’t take properly. This dry lay is a mess – they need to watch their spacing and make sure the planks aren’t shifting at the free ends. They could make some spacers out of scrap wood, or use screws and washers between the planks. And are they numbering the planks as they fit them, so they know the right order to stick them down?’
Bernie laughed. ‘The underdeck’s marine plywood. The contestants sanded about a square foot’s worth on camera and then we did the rest later. To answer your question, yes, the planks are numbered. We cut them to size as well – all the talent need to do is get them sitting straight. Which they’re ballsing up as we speak. Of course, that makes for better TV, so we usually leave them to it. Their reaction’s going to be priceless once the epoxy’s dried and they realise the whole deck’s crooked.’
He stuck out a hand. ‘If Old Steve took you on, that’s good enough for me.’
Rose shook his hand. ‘I won’t let you down.’
‘I know you won’t. If you’d let Old Steve down, you wouldn’t be standing here.’
‘Why not?’ she said.
‘He’s a legend,’ said Bernie. ‘Didn’t you know he built the railway bridge across Levitts Gorge, completely