to have to assume that you’re basically working on a snuff film.’
‘Editing,’ Rose said. ‘Clearly they edit and manipulate the footage to create tension and drama where none exists.’
Renton thought for a moment.
‘No,’ he said finally. ‘No, I don’t think so.’
‘If a boat exploded outside the shed, I think I would have heard it.’
Renton shook his head. ‘As a student – nay, a master – of cinema, I think I can tell when so-called editing “tricks” are being used to try and deceive the viewer. And as someone who has seen all six seasons and the movie of Generation Boner, I am more than familiar with the tricks of reality television. These reality shows are clearly just slaughterhouses.’
‘You’re an idiot.’
‘What’s the alternative? That people are actually watching a television show that’s just about fixing up houses and boats?’ He snorted. ‘Not when they’re up against a new series of The Language of the Burden of Existence.’
‘Guess you’ll have to shoulder that burden on your own,’ Rose said.
‘Dinner’s ready!’ Alan said, coming out of the kitchen holding a tray aloft in triumph. Or that was what Rose initially thought; it rapidly became clear he was holding it up in an attempt to clear the thick smoke still billowing off whatever lay under the thick, black layer of charcoal that encased his cooking.
‘Thai?’ Sarah said after a minute.
‘I’ll get my credit card,’ Rose said.
The episode kept going, but Rose’s attention was wandering. She was frustrated by the endless shopping excursions, and the actual handiwork being done wouldn’t have challenged a first-year apprentice. Fortunately the Thai arrived during the final judging, and she lingered in the hallway after she’d paid the delivery man, until she heard the end credits music.
‘So, that was … good?’ said Sarah as the Endeavour Productions logo came up on screen.
‘It would have been better if we’d seen you, Rose,’ Alan said as Rose spread the plastic containers out across the coffee table.
‘You’ll see me in six months.’
‘Maybe we should call the producers now and tell them to give you more airtime,’ Sarah said.
‘Mu-um!’
‘Don’t worry Rose, I’ll give you a five-star review on my website,’ Renton said around a mouthful of green curry. ‘I’ve got a new one called The Stained Couch. It covers TV … from a Backed-Up Toilet perspective.’
Rose was silent. ‘Thanks for your support, guys,’ she said eventually, ‘but I’ve got an early start tomorrow. Lots of work to do before the first boat-sinking on Sunday.’
‘But you haven’t even had anything to eat,’ Sarah said.
‘That’s okay, I’m not really hungry.’
Rose closed her bedroom door behind her, flopped on her bed and opened her laptop.
Nicola was quick to answer Rose’s Skype call. ‘You still at work?’ Rose said, noticing the office background.
‘Yeah, the team is monitoring the latest software update to the love robot and they need me here to translate the English language results. So, you watched the show – what did you think?’
‘Ehh,’ Rose said. ‘Maybe the show was good? I dunno, it’s not really my kind of thing.’
‘Yeah, well, I guess you don’t have to like the end product.’
‘I know,’ Rose said, ‘but it’s weird how sad I felt when I actually watched it. Guess I’d built it up in my own head.’
‘Well, it’s still a good job,’ Nicola said. ‘Better than working for Old Steve. Focus on that.’
‘I guess,’ Rose said. ‘I really need the money, too.’
‘Who even watches The Dock anyway?’ Nicola went on. ‘Mansions in the Sky is where all the action is.’
‘We saw a promo for it,’ Rose said. ‘Dave was on it.’
‘Oooh, “Dave”,’ Nicola said. ‘Sorry, I haven’t had a chance to stalk your new boyfriend yet.’
‘He’s not my boyfriend,’ Rose said. ‘I only met him once.’
‘Once is all it takes,’ Nicola said.
‘I dunno,’ Rose said, ‘Am I building it up too much?’
‘You’re a cabinetmaker,’ Nicola said, ‘Building things up is what you do.’
‘You wouldn’t know it from tonight’s episode,’ Rose said. ‘A guy at work said that none of the crew bother watching reality shows, and after tonight I kinda get why.’
Nicola gasped. ‘What? You’re giving up Grim Designs?’
Rose managed a small smile at her friend’s panic. ‘Never,’ she said. ‘I just … I wish you’d been here tonight.’ They exchanged a little more chit-chat before saying their goodbyes.
Rose lay down on her bed, but she couldn’t sleep. Her work was invisible, her family was hopeless, and she was worried she was developing a crush on a guy she’d never see again outside of a TV screen. The only thing she had to look forward to was watching a sinking ship. But at least she wasn’t working with Old Steve.
On the bedside table, her phone lit up. She looked over; it was a text from Old Steve.
SAW THE BOAT SHOW. ITS NOT TO LATE TO CVOME BACK
She didn’t answer it.
Rose looked at her phone, barely able to make out the screen in the gloomy bar. Why were cool bars always so dark? You’d think everyone there would want to be seen.
She’d almost cancelled this date twice, but in the end she figured she didn’t have much to lose. Dave was just a crush, and barely one at that; better to try and focus on something that could be real than wonder about a guy she’d never see again. But now Alistair was twenty minutes late and she’d already had to fend off half a dozen guys trying to hit on her. This was totally not her scene, but presumably Alistair had chosen this place to impress her; as soon as he finally arrived she was going to suggest they find somewhere less fashionable.
She scanned the crowd from her seat at the bar. The place seemed packed with a mix of suits, cocktail dresses and expensive haircuts, all crammed into a space not much bigger than a two-car garage. If this was what it was like
