music introduced a ‘Previously On’ montage, which mainly involved people being bitchy to each other. They refused to share tools, dismissed each other’s ideas, and stole each other’s materials.
‘I haven’t seen anything like this,’ Rose said. ‘They’re all really nice in real life.’
‘You [bleeping beep],’ one of the contestants was saying. ‘I can’t [bleep] you [bleep] shit!’
Alan pointed at a blonde smudge in the background. ‘There you are! That’s the back of your head!’
‘They filmed this episode six months ago!’ Rose said. ‘I just started this week.’
Renton leaned forward. ‘It’s hard to say at this size, but I think that’s Thor.’
‘No! It’s Rose’s hair!’ Alan insisted. ‘She made it on air!’ The figure turned around. ‘Oh, it is Thor.’
Rose couldn’t believe how much drama the show was managing to wring from activities that were really quite sedate. Not much actually happened; instead, the show obsessed over things that had happened in the past, or were yet to happen.
The episode cut between scenes of desultory handiwork and studio interviews with the contestants, who narrated their own thoughts and emotions for the camera as they laboriously carried out small tasks. They all seemed to say the same things, but in slightly different ways.
‘It’s 5 p.m. already, and I’m worried we’re going to lose the light.’
‘I’ve sent Bryley for more nails, but did she get enough?’
‘How do boats even, like, float?’
The mundane activities being shown seemed at odds with the prevailing atmosphere of aggressive tension, and Rose saw how the show was confecting interpersonal drama between the contestants by making them compete for resources. She knew there was a whole warehouse full of timber, but each team was only allowed a limited number of planks for their deck. If they made mistakes – and they all did – the only way to get more materials was to win them in a series of challenges that seemed ridiculously easy to Rose, but that puzzled and frustrated the contestants.
Whenever The Dock returned from a commercial break, Thor would recap what had been happening just a few minutes earlier.
‘We saw that already!’ Rose said. ‘Tell us if the pump was actually fixed in time!’
Thor was regarding two contestants with the sorrowful but dignified air of an oncologist. ‘Jonquil,’ he said gently. Then, turning to her partner: ‘Blair. As you know, the pump has been causing you problems. But with the next elimination sinking just days away, of course all must be shipshape for the judges.’
A slow zoom on the contestants’ faces. Blair and Jonquil nodded, funereally. A shot of their hands, tightly clutched, white-knuckled. Thor continued. ‘We’ve checked out the pump …’ ominous music swelled under his words, ‘… and it’s fine!’
The music soared as Thor broke into a goofy grin. Blair’s shoulders slumped in relief, and Jonquil hugged him, squealing.
‘This soundtrack is very didactic,’ Sarah said.
‘It’s like they’re taking us on a journey,’ Renton said wisely.
‘Why are there so many ads?’ Sarah complained as the show went to another break. It felt as though nobody on The Dock could even complete a sentence before the show would cut to the commercials. Rose might not have shared her family’s tastes in entertainment, but she wasn’t a big commercial TV watcher, either – and she was astonished at the kinds of products being advertised in The Dock’s prime-time slot. Everything was gambling, or pain relief, or prepaid funerals … She shuddered to remember the one that managed to depict pain, loss and death.
‘Tomorrow, on Mansions in the Sky,’ the promo announcer’s voice boomed from the television, ‘Dave flies off the handle!’
‘What?’ Rose said, incredulously. ‘I met him! He seemed really nice.’
On screen, a hammer slipped out of Dave’s hand. It probably fell harmlessly to the floor but it was impossible to tell: the picture froze and the camera rapidly zoomed in on the hammer while the screen turned red and some kind of screeching noise blared.
‘I can’t believe you [bleeping bleep beep],’ Dave said, looking off-camera. Again, Rose thought his tone sounded calm enough, but the volume had suddenly rocketed up to make it sound like he was shouting – and there was that screeching noise again.
‘Wow,’ said Renton, ‘I thought you said everyone on these shows got along.’
‘I did,’ Rose said, stunned by what she was watching. For some reason there were machine-gun sound effects blaring while a contestant she didn’t know directed a horrified look at something off screen.
‘Pics or it didn’t happen,’ said Renton.
‘You’re not online now,’ said Sarah sternly, thumbing through her phone.
The promo suddenly cut to a dark-haired woman. ‘I can’t go on like this,’ she said, and this time Rose was certain she was just closing a door normally but the picture had been sped up and – yep, a loud slamming sound effect had been added.
‘Tensions are at boiling point!’ the announcer shouted, ‘and the only way they’re going to cool off is when one of the houses falls down!’ They’d added an echo to ‘down’ so it kept on going while one of the houses had a clearly fake explosion superimposed over it.
‘Kill,’ the woman said, then another edit. ‘Dave.’
‘I’m sick of [bleep bleep],’ Dave said, picking up the hammer. ‘It’s [bleep bleep]. Pass me the [bleep] gun.’
‘Who will survive and what will be left of them?!’ the announcer yelled. ‘Tomorrow night on Mansions in the Sky!’
‘You didn’t say people get shot on these shows,’ Renton said as the television started showing a perfume commercial featuring a model wearing a bedsheet in a hurricane. ‘What kind of body count does your show rack up?’
‘I’m sure no one gets shot,’ Rose said.
‘I guess with all those power tools handy, most of the kills on your show were up close and personal,’ Renton said. ‘The saw is the law.’
‘No one got sawed!’ Rose said loudly. ‘We followed all the occupational health and safety regulations!’
‘How do you explain that promo then?’ Renton said smugly. ‘I saw at least two decapitations.’
‘I don’t know,’ Rose said. ‘That’s Mansions in the Sky. Everyone on The Dock seems so nice and friendly. No blood.’
‘But you did say you were working in a shed,’ Renton said. ‘So it’s possible all the murders were happening outside.’
‘There! Were! No! Murders!’ Rose shouted.
‘Did you count everyone coming in and
