notable by their absence, but then again, we couldn’t exactly stake out any suspects with fifteen people in tow.
‘WE ARE HERE TO HELP CATCH AND TERMINATE THE SPY FOR HIS CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY,’ Barrington12 announced in his foghorn voice.
‘No, no, no, son,’ I told him. ‘We’re not terminating anybody. You’re like the killer robot in that film who goes around terminating people; what’s it called again, Gerry?’
‘Gorillas in the Mist, I think,’ Gerry said, scratching his chin.
‘Listen, Barrington12, we’re not here to kill anyone. I can’t emphasise that enough. Violence is never the answer. I’m on record about that – it once cost me and Nigel Martyn victory at the FA’s end-of-season quiz night, but I stand by it.’
‘I AM SORRY, KEVIN KEEGAN,’ Barrington12 said sadly, lowering his head with a mechanical buzz. ‘I WILL ADJUST MY OBJECTIVES ACCORDINGLY.’
‘Good lad,’ I said. ‘Glad to have you both on board.’
‘We were just discussing where we should start,’ Gerry told them. ‘I was thinking of maybe handing out flyers – “Are You the Spy?” – and then seeing if anyone says yes. If they do, I think that’s our guy.’
‘No, that won’t work,’ I said. ‘This spy is clever – they’ll see right through that. We need to think… what does a spy want?’
‘Money,’ Gerry suggested.
‘Well, yeah,’ I shrugged. ‘That’s probably the ultimate objective. But I mean, in order to obtain secrets and learn about their environment, what would they need?’
‘Information,’ Rodway said. I nodded affirmatively. Gerry looked disappointed.
‘That was going to be my next guess,’ he muttered dejectedly.
‘Correct,’ I said. ‘Information.’
‘So… where do we go?’ Gerry asked.
‘It’s like Graeme Le Saux said in the dressing room after my England boys qualified for Euro 2000 and wanted to celebrate in style. Gentlemen: to the library! Though let’s grab an early lunch first. I’m starving.’
As we entered the vast and musty old library building with its high glass-domed roof and stacks of shelving stretching as far as the eye could see, I decided we’d be better off splitting up.
‘It’s a big old place,’ I said, ‘and we’ll cover more ground that way. Plus, we need to remain inconspicuous. For all we know, the spy could very well be in the library right now.’
‘Keep your eyes peeled for anyone acting suspiciously and if you see any books that might be of interest to someone with treachery in mind – anything on the Palangonian Compound itself, or biographies of key figures like Laika or anyone the L’zuhl would be interested in taking down – let me know. If we can find out who borrowed them and cross-reference a few key titles to look for the same name, we might well be on to something.’
‘The library won’t tell you who’s previously borrowed their books though, Kev,’ Gerry insisted. ‘I took out a book on fly fishing last month and some thug had drawn these doodles in the margins. I asked for the names of all previous readers so I could go and box their ears but they said it was confidential.’
My heart beat a little faster. I was sure I’d erased those doodles (drawn accidentally when I went over the edge of my scrap paper while spending an idle evening trying to list my top 50 Bryan Adams songs. Listen, there’s not a lot to do here in deep space).
‘Probably just someone with too much time on their hands,’ I said accurately. ‘I wouldn’t worry about it.’
An hour or so later, Rodway and Barrington12 had returned, their arms straining under the weight of the books they’d picked out. I’d stayed in the restaurant area for a coffee but obviously my brain was doing a lot of heavy lifting of its own as I devised a plan.
‘Where’s Gerry?’ I asked.
‘Still searching, I think,’ Rodway said. I rolled my eyes.
‘Fine, we’ll start without him,’ I said. ‘Let’s get those names.’
I headed over to the counter to see a familiar face, engrossed in her computer screen.
‘Hiya,’ I said, rapping my knuckles amiably on the desk. ‘Remember me?’
Caroline looked touchingly pleased to see me as she lifted her glasses from her nose and perched them on her forehead.
‘I do indeed!’ she said. ‘Kevin Keegan, who definitely didn’t have a bit of a meltdown on TV that time.’
‘Bang on,’ I said.
‘For a while there I didn’t think we’d be seeing you again,’ she said, lowering her voice. ‘There were some ugly headlines in the Compound Chronicle this past week.’
‘The General stitched me right up,’ I said, annoyed by the memory. ‘I’m totally innocent, they just took their time realising it.’
‘Well, that’s a relief,’ she said, and it seemed like she really meant it, which in turn meant a lot to me.
‘How is your…’ I trailed off with a wince.
‘Sister?’ Caroline suggested. I nodded, relieved that she hadn’t left me hanging. ‘She’s… well, I have no idea. Leigh rejected my application to leave and with the lockdown in place, very little information is coming in or out of the Compound. I’d like to think I’d have heard if… the worst had happened. But for now, I just have to sit here and stew. It’s so difficult, it really is. I’m itching to be with her.’
‘He’s an absolute bin of a man,’ I said sadly.
‘It’s great to see you anyway,’ Caroline said, changing the subject. ‘Can I help you look for anything in particular?’
‘Well, not exactly. I’m here on other business.’
‘Oh…? Like what exactly?’
‘I can’t tell you that,’ I whispered, tiptoeing around the subject, ‘but let’s just say the reason I was imprisoned… well, I want justice to be done. I really can’t elaborate more than that; I’m sorry to be so cryptic.’
‘You want to find the real spy,’ Caroline said immediately. Christ, was I really that transparent? I thought I was being so enigmatic, when in fact she’d seen right through me like I was Gordon Strachan on a sunny day.
‘How did you…?’ I trailed off and glanced hurriedly behind me to make sure no one was listening in.
‘Hey, believe me, I won’t blow your cover,’ Caroline said reassuringly. ‘I want the spy found too – it’s the only way I’m going to see Angela.’
I stared at her blankly.
‘Who’s
