When you know both yourself as well as your competitors, you are never in danger. Know yourself but not others and you have half a chance of winning. Knowing neither puts you in a position to lose.
THE ADAGE “knowledge is power” couldn’t be more appropriate for the opening section of this book. It is absolutely necessary to have self-knowledge and an understanding of others prior to entering any arena of competition. The champions are aware of their own strengths and weaknesses as well as those of their opponents. They know their source of motivation and inspiration; they know their true purpose with a clear vision of their direction; they know the tasks and processes demanded of them in order to realize their very best performance. With such awareness, they are in position for sustained success in athletics and life. The following chapters will teach you lessons about how champions gain a more complete picture of self and opponent, in order to position themselves for victory on and off the court.
1. Lessons on Self-Knowledge
Surround self with the right people in healthy environments. This will take courage, compassion, strength, determination, desire, and a self-created vision for you and your aspirations. No need to tell others about your intent... just make a plan and carry it out.
SELF-KNOWLEDGE is the true secret, powerful weapon of the champion. Knowing the court, your plan of action, and your competitors is necessary, but this needs to be accompanied by self-knowledge—an accurate appraisal of who you are and of your levels of physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional fitness. The champion has the courage to take an accurate inventory of personal struggles, blockages, obstacles, and fears, and to determine where the most work is needed in order to go beyond these limitations. Also, knowing your true self is a hedge against selling yourself short and giving your opponent more credit than necessary. You don’t want to give your competitors permission to make you feel inferior. Refuse to compromise your talents, toughness, strengths, and courage; play every moment by demonstrating who you are and what you do have as a competitor, and feel proud of that. Play with absolute integrity. Trust this inner knowing and use it; when you don’t, fear and uncertainty set in. Do not compromise this integrity; remember that you are good enough and that you deserve to be the best you can be. Regardless of any other competitor, remember that you have value, something very big to contribute, and begin to display all of your attributes as an athlete. This knowledge comes from knowing who you are. The following lessons will help you to identify and expand upon the traits that define you, and help you to begin to consistently perform with utmost integrity.
SELF-ACCEPTANCE
IT ALL STARTS HERE . The champion displays wisdom by recognizing shortcomings and weaknesses, acknowledging and accepting them openly. This is the purest form of self-respect. True champions know that it is perfectly natural to have faults and self-doubt; they accept the whole package yet work to create change and move beyond such limitations. I am reminded that many trees are knotted and deformed, yet live a long, happy life because they are useless to the house builder.
What I notice about all performers, and athletes in particular, is that their relationship to the game in the field, court, arena, or boardroom is a perfect mirror or reflection of their relationship with themselves. When they accept who they are and do what’s necessary to improve their shortcomings, they seem to perform consistently at their best levels. Most problems that arise with performers are directly related to their inability or unwillingness to accept and love themselves as they are. If you don’t accept yourself, if you deny or fight who you are, the chances of change or growth are greatly diminished. When you accept and love yourself, you are more inclined to do those things that will enhance your performance in athletics as well as daily life.
I have learned from champions that self-acceptance means developing positive self-images and self-talk, images and words that clearly define your strengths and create a vision of what is possible. It requires that you work on the obstacles by replacing them with patterns and behaviors that facilitate your development as an athlete or a person. When your relationship with yourself works, your athletic and personal life will work.
A terrific athlete came to me and said, “I don’t want to do it, but coaches are telling me to lift weights three times a week to get strong.” I replied, “Don’t lift weights to get strong... you’ll quit. Lift weights to invest in yourself and your team. Do it because you love yourself, then you will be successful.” Apply this reasoning to eating well or avoiding things that destroy your body, such as alcohol or drugs. If you love yourself, you will be less self-destructive. Self-acceptance and self-love will make change possible. You will stop putting energy into excusing your shortcomings; instead, you will acknowledge them and move ahead. Say to yourself repeatedly, “I accept all of who I am and consciously choose ways to change what I can and leave what I can’t alone.” Then use the following parts of this chapter to help you make the necessary shifts.
WRITING MY OWN STORY
THE LESSON to be learned from champions is to ignore all external stories about you, your performance, your abilities, and your attitudes. Champions write their own stories and proceed to do all those things that make those stories true.
I first learned about this concept while working with the University of Maryland’s women’s lacrosse team. We had won six consecutive national championships, and the media and our opponents were telling stories like: “It’s time for someone else; they can’t possibly do it again; they aren’t as strong this year; they lost to team A, and we beat team A, so we should beat them.” Stories from others are created in order to drum up excitement and suspense. Papers and magazines need stories in order to sell. To shift their consciousness to a higher plane, I told these athletes that champions do, indeed, write their own stories and then begin to live them. On the way to the Final Four national championship weekend, I asked each athlete to write a two-paragraph, hundred-word story by completing the following: “The national champion women’s lacrosse team from the University of Maryland arrived at the scene of the 2001 championship, staged at Johns Hopkins, and... (fill in the rest with strong, positive, affirmative statements that validate your greatness).”
When all of the athletes completed their assignment, we went around our team circle, as each athlete read her story to the rest of the team. The stories were nothing short of phenomenal. The well-chosen words inspired each athlete to show up with intensity, courage, fearlessness, and a willingness to demonstrate how good we were to the entire world of lacrosse. Our focus was on us rather than on all the hype and misdirected comments and energy from others. The team’s performance on the field mirrored their creative, heart-centered stories as they scored an overtime victory for their seventh consecutive national championship.
Now, you are not Maryland lacrosse, but I have learned from these champions that there are many negative stories that we all carry around, based on messages from our environment as well as those originating from within. When your stories are negative and counterproductive to your purpose and mission in sports or life, dispel them by writing a story that nurtures, validates, and encourages positive forward movement on your journey of being a champion. You do this by writing about yourself, for the next six to twelve months, weaving truthful, positive, strong qualities into your dream scenario, athletically and personally. For example, start by answering the questions: What are the tangibles I bring to the team, arena, work environment, or home? What are the intangibles? The answers will give
