of us in the profession of coaching believe that we, as teachers, must know all. Wise coaches know they don’t know all which makes it easy to begin to learn. Taoist leaders and sages claim that one who does not know actually knows, and one who knows really does not know. Consider the classic Zen story about a pompous professor who goes to the master to learn about Zen Buddhism. The Zen master invites him for tea, and to enlighten him he pours the tea until the cup is overflowing. The professor protests and the master gently explains to him, “Exactly. Your knowledge is already spilling over so how can I offer you anymore?”
It feels good to be an “empty cup.” As a heart-directed coach, consider the practice of remaining open and empty to position yourself to receive new ways of being. The Tao warrior coach actually strives to “appear” less knowledgeable than he or she is, and, in the process, commits fewer errors and mistakes having less pressure to live up to someone he or she is not.
This is the essence of emptiness, pregnant with potential and containing many more possibilities. It is an exciting place where anything can happen and usually does. It is a sacred space where the “tea of learning” can be poured into an area of emptiness that contains all potential.
The Chinese symbols for emptiness depict an empty vessel to be filled and refilled as long as the “fertile mind” is maintained. If you remain open and receptive to what this book brings to you there is the chance that your coaching career will be dynamically long, exciting, fruitful, fun-filled, and deeply satisfying. Be an open vessel, fill up, and enjoy the journey you are about to begin.
CALLIGRAPHIC ART
Speaking of Chinese symbols, notice how they are interspersed throughout this book? The cover calligraphy itself is a symbol meaning “having love in your heart,” a concept that immediately sets the tone for all that will follow. I want to deeply acknowledge my dear friend and co-author of several of my books, Chungliang Al Huang, for his continued support and love as demonstrated with his beautiful calligraphy. I am honored and privileged to have him contribute to my work once again. His Chinese symbols visually show the kinetic power of the dancing spirit and have become a unique brand for our books as well as my nationwide and international business, Way of Champions. The aesthetic beauty of his artistic contribution reinforces the theme, quality, and impact of this book upon all of us. I am forever grateful for his guidance in helping me to better grasp the essence of the Tao. Peruse more of his work at livingtao.org.
INTRODUCTION
Sea Change With A Dancing Heart
For the past 34 years, I have been fortunate, honored, and privileged to be invited into the inner sanctums of collegiate and professional athletic programs to coach the coaches and athletes to believe that they can be something other than ordinary. I have written and published eleven books, all from this experience, reflecting what I have learned from thousands of these great spirits who have opened their hearts, allowing me to focus on making a difference in their lives. Gathering stories, collecting observations, gaining insight, and expanding wisdom, I am here to say that I notice a huge paradigm shift taking place in the profession of coaching; athletes are demanding positive relationship change with their leaders. Such an historic “sea change” tells me that those being coached are seeking a change of heart from those doing the coaching to a more dynamic, multifaceted approach. Still interested in the necessity of developing and learning the essential skills, tactics, and strategies of their sport, the athletes also seem to desire being taught this knowledge in environments that are marinated in respect, trust, love, compassion, and integrity. In other words, while they care about what you know as their coach (Xs and Os), they also want to know that you care (inspire and empower). In a sense, they are asking their leaders to “dance” between both axes of coaching, to coach with heart, thus the genesis of the title of this book.
THE DANCING HEART PROCESS
In this new book, I offer practical, useable, and dynamic concepts for positive change and success in the ever-shifting landscape of the profession of coaching. Coaches who are successful in sport are beginning to realize that they need to win the “relationship game” and the athletic game will take care of itself. What they are discovering is that coaching is ultimately a “path of heart,” a relationship dance between athlete and coach, and the counterpart dance between teaching the athletes skill-sets for optimal performance coupled with the wisdom of inspiration that will empower the athletes to “go the distance” in sports and life.
First, we have the relationship dance, which in Chinese is called Wu Tao. Here is the dance between giving and receiving, receiving and giving. To be a good coach, mentor, and teacher you must be a good student and learn what needs to be known from the student (the athlete) in order to teach them what they must learn. In this dancing relationship, each individual is interdependent—forming a bond of equal fulfillment, love, and respect in a harmonious atmosphere of openness, communication, and loyalty. Each person involved in this mutually beneficial dance, genuinely experiences the gifts each has to offer. This fluid, rhythmic, flowing, and dancing union between coach and athlete, serving and sharing together for the greater good of all, is an extraordinary process to behold. It is the cornerstone of the “coaching with heart” process. True learning and development take place in all arenas of life when giving and receiving are intrinsic to each member of the relationship.
Second, extraordinary leadership and coaching involves a dance between two distinct axes. The first axis demands the devotion of the leader’s time and energy to performance management, strategic planning, and a myriad of other “Xs and Os” preparatory exercises. While these aspects of leadership are absolutely essential to the coaching piece, there is yet another axis that is a willing partner in this second dance. This other axis in this union is spiritually based—one that is related to the first dance, Wu Tao, and by definition enables you to inspire and empower those being led. Herein lies the essence of this book.
The challenge at this point is for all of us to discover ways to dance together, to create safe environments and develop relationships of the heart. This book serves as a template to help us learn to dance with heart with those we lead by cultivating environments where hearts can dance; where teaching and learning is a dance between giving and receiving; where we, as leaders, can perfect the essential absolutes of love, inspiration, compassion, respect, understanding, and integrity while helping concurrently to develop the skill sets so necessary to perform the tasks at hand. When we influence and dance with others in this way, they feel valued and perform more optimally in an encouraging environment, free of fear and intimidation. With an increase of love, compassion, and spirituality, people become happy, trust and respect deepen, and the results and outcomes are greatly enhanced. Simply stated, when we coach with a dancing heart and develop relationships like this, those we lead are more joyful, cooperative, and happy and therefore work harder; when anyone works harder, results and outcomes usually improve.
Additionally, athletes in such environments will begin to prepare, practice, play, compete, and live with heart themselves. Your coaching becomes the model used by all those under your guidance for their own personal leadership on and off the field.
I am aware also that this book could have a significant impact on the direction of coaching educators in a time when athletics is experiencing an influx of leaders, a new generation who desire to master both the Xs and Os of their game and the inspiration and empowerment pieces as well. This book will change the focus of coaching, your understanding of athletes and those you lead.
Another valuable function of this book is how it can facilitate your progress of getting to know yourself better, to cultivate your inner guidance system called intuition, to influence others by example and attitude, and to lead and coach by guiding rather than forcing others to comply,
