for the “safe environment” we all wish to create. What you do is meaningful but that doesn’t mean you must take it so seriously all the time.
2. A Sense of Generosity. Think of coaching and leadership as a “giving process” not a “getting process.” Look for ways to give, serve, and help. When a follower fails or does something wrong, give guidance, hope, caring, direction, forgiveness, and tolerance and watch them get quickly back on track. Be generous with love, respect, and trust. Care! You are a servant. More on service later.
3. A Sense of Possibility. Ask your followers to dream things that never were and ask, Why not? Promote courage to take risks and not worry about outcomes. The process of risk taking empowers them to keep going in the face of setback knowing that we all learn and improve in that way. No Risk, No Gain is my mantra.
4. A Sense of Gratitude. Help others to embrace what they have been given…healthy bodies, minds, hearts, opportunities, work, life. Have them understand that all successful people seem to have a deep sense of appreciation and their work and performance becomes a huge reflection of that gratitude. I will go into greater detail with this as the book progresses.
5. A Sense of Humility. Remember that we are all interconnected to something greater than self. I am quick to remind my seminarians and athletes whom I lead and coach that all of who I am and what I do is not my doing. Without others in my life—including those I lead and coach—I could not do what I do and would not be who I am.
I am honored and privileged to be asked by others to work with them.
They teach me all that I need to know so I can, in turn, teach them. It is a give and take and I humbly recognize and embrace that. It is the Wu Shi dance I wrote about earlier in this part of the book.
As I read over this Big 5, I realize that without these, I cannot do my work. My work is being these and from that place, my influence spreads…so will yours. When I disconnect from any one of these, I notice that I struggle in all of my life. I encourage you to practice these five in addition to all else that makes you shine.
WHEN STUDENT IS READY,
TEACHER APPEARS
Do you ever wonder why you can’t seem to motivate your athletes? How often do we as coaches and leaders become frustrated, upset, annoyed, perturbed, confused, puzzled, disgusted, perplexed, or completely baffled by our seeming inability to motivate and perform our task of coaching others? I can’t begin to tell you how many times I have seen this happen. For example, I was talking with a coach recently who was concerned about three of his very talented athletes who were not listening and following his program. He was completely frustrated that he could not motivate these kids to raise their level of commitment to “go the distance” and realize their full potential. He was taking it very personally and was beginning to see himself as a failure. Truth is, bus drivers cannot transport others unless they get on the bus. (Have you noticed how often busses have the name “coach” written on the side? There is a reason for this). So it is as a leader and coach. The person must get on board with you (the bus) and be ready to travel to places they never dreamed possible. In Chinese there is a compelling expression that addresses this point: “When the student is ready, the teacher appears.” Yes, and the teacher is usually there but without being ready, those followers are not aware of his or her presence.
Over the past 34 years of marinating my nervous system in the juices of leadership and coaching, what I notice is that no one can motivate others to move forward. You can inspire and empower them but they must want to move forward and when they do, the motivation comes from within. Change and growth is an extraordinary inner process and the work of a dancing heart leader is to be patient, persevere, and persist on nurturing and supporting, guiding and directing others in an environment that is emotionally safe from failure and taking risks. Your work as leader and coach is to add fuel to an already burning pilot light within your protégés. When you create a safe environment, you accelerate the process of readiness for others to be led. From this safe, sacred place, they will open their hearts to you and give you permission to enter. When you do, you will be able to do your best work. You will inspire, empower, and influence them to believe in themselves, to believe in you and to believe that they can be and do something other than ordinary.
If those you lead and coach are not moving forward, don’t call 911 and don’t try to motivate them, that is impossible to do. Instead, create a healthy relationship and environment that is emotionally safe (where failure is okay because it is our best teacher), listen to them, offer your help, and become the beacon that lights up the path. If they don’t follow, keep trying, don’t give up, don’t ever give up and do not take it personally. Everyone has a different learning curve. And don’t disregard the notion that following your path, what you think is best for everyone, may not be in their best interests. It’s not about you, you’re not a bad or inept coach. If you discover that they want out, if they want something different, are burned out, simply ask if they want you to release them to follow their hearts and discover what excites and energizes them. In another sense, to do such, to release them on another path is to be a very good coach. They will love you forever. I never witnessed a bus driver get off the bus and pull, shove, or coerce a pedestrian to get on board. But recently a driver asked me at the airport, “Are you getting on?” To which I replied, “No, thank you. I am waiting for someone to pick me up.” Coaching is not much different. Ask those you lead: do you still want me to coach you, to bring you along? If they respond “no,” then you might want to pursue this further. You want your athletes to be happy, to play for all the right reasons. It makes your life happier and easier.
BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE
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