More What Do I Do When...?. Allen N.. Mendler
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There is no question that at least 70 to 80% of school disciplinary problems have their roots in factors outside of school. Certainly student behavior in school would improve immensely if more parents did their jobs properly, if poverty vanished, if drugs were eradicated, and if violence disappeared. As educators, our voice accounts for no more than 20 to 30% of what kids hear and understand. It is imperative that all adults in the school community see themselves as players in the process of influencing change. As educators, we need to feel confident and empowered in our skills to handle inappropriate behavior. We are all stakeholders when it comes to the effects of student behavior.
Principle 2: Good Discipline Is About Teaching Better Behavior, Not Just Offering “Quick Fixes”
Effective, long-term resolution of disciplinary problems takes time. Although it is understandable to want a quick fix, misbehaving students are telling us that something important in their lives is keeping them from being fully with us. For some, it is their belief that they are too stupid to succeed, while others know no way other than to bully in order to feel in charge. Some act out to mask depression, while others seek affiliation, attention, or recognition. Essentially, kids who misbehave are telling us that their basic needs are not being met. Although we need to have specific, short-term strategies to handle inappropriate behavior, good discipline is linked to our understanding of the motives that drive students to act inappropriately and the solutions that address these basic needs. When students behave badly, we need to ask ourselves why they find it more preferable to act inappropriately. In essence, students need to feel connected, competent, and influential. If they do not, they are likely to respond with maladaptive behavior. Attention-seekers generally have an overriding need to belong and be viewed as important by others. Students who do not believe they are capable either give up on school and act unmotivated or misbehave when required to do something that they view as overwhelming. Students who are aggressive or disrespectful are usually trying to influence the world around them. In order to teach better behavior, one needs to factor in the motives that drive poor behavior. As Glasser (1986) noted, discipline problems are resolved when schools become “needs-satisfying” places. Many strategies can help us achieve this goal.
Principle 3: The Relationships We Have With Students Are Inextricably Linked to Our Effectiveness With Discipline
Sandy Melton, a teacher in Corpus Christi, Texas, shares her experience in teaching Manuel, a boy from the barrio, who sat in the back of her fifth-period class. Manuel was so disruptive with his antics that he prevented most of the class from paying attention to their assignments:
He wore a blue bandana and delighted in receiving attention and gaining control. As was my custom when he started disrupting my class, I informed him that he had a detention, which didn’t bother him at all…. I think he had gotten used to having an eighth-period class called detention, and we got to know each other quite well during these additional hours together. At one point he told me he wasn’t going to amount to anything, and everybody knew it. He knew it and his family knew it: He had never done anything good and felt he didn’t stand a chance. After several days, Manuel said, “If you will not make me stay for detention tomorrow, I will straighten up, I promise. Will you give me a chance?” Manuel started staying after school on his own, helping me make bulletin boards and grade papers. He loved it when I asked him to be in charge of detention when I left the room, and I would always put him in charge of watching my purse. Remember, this is the kid who at the beginning of the year had stolen calculators, quarters, hall passes: You name it, he stole it…. Next Manuel wanted to stay after school and started to do his work. He asked me to teach him to multiply and divide. He couldn’t keep up with everything the class was doing, but you better believe he passed those 6 weeks. Manuel was a migrant student and therefore was gone the last 6 weeks of the year. It blew my mind when he asked for all the work he would miss so that he could get a grade rather than another incomplete…. This was during my third year as a teacher, and I know I made mistakes, but I will always believe that I made a difference in Manuel’s life.
As educators and administrators, we must believe we effectively influence change in the lives of the students we touch. It is imperative to approach each day as if it is the day a breakthrough will happen. An important part of our job is to believe that today, the student with a history of disrespectful language will finally share her disagreement in a more respectful way. We have to act as if a continually disruptive student who is out of his seat every other minute is today going to sit still longer. Working with tough kids requires persistence and optimism. If we surrender our optimism, it becomes virtually impossible to influence change. At the same time, we must realize that for every three steps forward we take, there will be two steps back. Virtually all people revert to their old behaviors several times as they acquire new ones.
Principle 4: Emphasize Strategies That Teach Responsibility
The keys to responsible behavior are to:
• Understand and be aware of what we are doing.
• Predict how our behavior will affect ourselves and others.
• Make adequate and responsible choices.
• Know how consequences are linked to the choices we make.
• Develop good planning skills.
Although obedience-based methods of discipline are preferable to chaos, the best discipline occurs when students internalize the message: This is responsibility-based discipline. Responsibility-based discipline seeks to have students behave well not just when the voice of authority speaks, but also in the absence of authority. By contrast, obedience means “do as you are told” and requires the presence of authority to enforce rules. The major tools of obedience-based discipline are rewards and punishments.
The goal in achieving good discipline should be for students to act appropriately because it is the proper thing to do, rather than acting appropriately out of fear that someone will punish them if they misbehave. Obedience is especially desirable in matters of health and safety. Rewards and punishments are often required in the early stages of development for children to feel a sense of safety and security. But when applied to most misbehavior, such methods are rarely more than short-term solutions that often provoke rebellion among challenging students. Responsibility involves the cognitive process of “making the best decision possible.” This occurs more slowly than obedience because it requires providing students with opportunities to sort out facts, make decisions, link consequences with actions, and become more adept at planning. For some, learning responsibility is even more basic—it is about helping them notice how they are currently behaving so that they can take charge of what they do. There appear to be increasing numbers of students who seem to have a disconnection between their brain and their behavior. For these students, inappropriate behavior such as tapping a pencil, getting out of a seat, or talking to a neighbor has become so automatic that there is little if any self-awareness. Responsibility is about helping students make these connections.
Principle 5: We Can Be on the Same Page Without Always Doing the Same Thing
Teaching children to be responsible involves tailoring the consequences for misbehavior to each individual child. Children must be shown and taught the difference between being fair and treating everyone exactly the same. Not all students react the same way to the same consequence, and not all teachers and administrators react the same way to each infraction. Unfortunately, when some educators try to do what they think is right rather than treating everyone the same way, they can be accused of playing favorites and being unfair by other students or their parents. We believe that being fair requires having rules and procedures based on sound values for everyone. When rules are broken, fairness requires the implementation of specific consequences that are most likely