Exposure to poverty during early childhood is associated with smaller white matter, less cortical gray matter (as compared with nonpoor samples), and reduced volume of a key structure (the hippocampus) for learning, memory, and emotional regulation (Hanson, Chandra, Wolfe, & Pollak, 2011).
In addition, simple exposure to parental verbal abuse adversely impacts the brain (Choi, Jeong, Rohan, Polcari, & Teicher, 2009). This exposure to verbal abuse affects the integrity of left hemisphere pathways involved with processing language, as well as fiber tracts involved in emotional regulation. There is clear biological evidence of a deleterious effect of ridicule and humiliation on brain connectivity. So when you see students behaving in nonsensical ways in your class, take a deep breath and remember, “When bad things happen, the brain is changed.”
Now, for some good news; the hippocampus is not fixed or stuck at any size. Positive relational experiences can change it for the better. Our brain structures respond to empathic support by reducing stress hormones (like cortisol) and increasing the serotonin for well-being (Williams, Perrett, Waiter, & Pechey, 2007). When empathy is strong, emotional support fosters greater growth of the hippocampus, which enhances learning and memory. Plus, emotional support builds new mass in this structure, which is healthy (Luby et al., 2012, 2013).
If you are struggling to help students learn and behave, this is critical: foster quality, empathic relationships. Next, here are tools to accomplish this.
Use Empathy Tools
To keep coming to school, students need a caring adult, not a judge and an executioner. When a student shares something adverse that happened, avoid any impulsive or judgmental reaction, and instead start with empathy. There are many ways to show you care. Make your caring explicit. Not every student will read your face or body language, which might be your primary way of showing empathy. Here are five empathy-response tools.
1. “I am so sorry to hear that.” (Saying this with a sad face shows you care.)
2. “This makes me sick.” (Be sad, upset, or very concerned for the student.)
3. “We were worried about you.” (Say many others cared about the student; be worried.)
4. “Are you OK?” (Physically check on a student’s safety and well-being.)
5. “That’s awful. I don’t know if I could handle that as well as you are.” (This tells the student that the problem was a tough one and that you are showing empathy and admiration.)
Judging a student’s situation gets in the way. Stop telling him or her how to fix it. That comes later, much later. Even if you’re in a lousy mood (it happens), you’re likely to find that saying one of these triggers your own empathy, so start there.
If a student is in tears because his parents split up or her brother was shot, he or she needs someone to help share the pain, not a lecture about neighborhood risks. Say, “I am so sorry. Let me know what you need, and I’ll be there for you.” Likewise, regularly engaging counselors by telling them about students who need extra support is also a tremendous way to help students feel cared about. Counselors can build stronger relationships and help students navigate life and the system. When your school adds just one counselor, it increases college attendance by 10 percent (Bouffard, 2014).
This applies to less extreme situations as well. Remember a critical component of Stephen R. Covey’s (2013) seven habits: seek first to understand (and only then to be understood). In other words, listen more, and talk less. The next time a student doesn’t complete an assignment, say, “I’m sorry it didn’t get done. Tell me what happened?” The next time a student is late for class, say, “Hey Eric, good to see you. Go ahead and join your teammates. They’ll get you caught up.” You can talk to him or her privately a bit later. When you do, and before anything else (like a reprimand for tardiness), check for safety. Ask the student, “Usually you’re good about being on time. What happened today? Are you OK?”
A lecture about tardiness is unnecessary; make sure students know you miss them and want them in your awesome class. This is what gets students to show up: when someone cares!
Use Quick-Connect Tools
On day one, students want to know who you are and whether you care for and respect them, so don’t wait until you have friction in your classroom to begin showing empathy. As I detailed in chapter 1 (page 15), using student names is a great start to building the class. Many teachers fall short at this. Use the following quick, easy tools to fast-track your relationships with students in your classroom. These are as simple as 1–2–3.
• One and Done: In the first thirty days of school, do one favor, make one connection, or show empathy that is so powerful that an individual or whole class remembers it. For example, a student shares a hobby he or she has with you. Let’s say it is video games. You go home and search the internet for the nearest gaming convention dates and discuss with them what you found.
• Two for Ten: Identify one to two students who most need a connection early on. These students may be extra shy or noisy, or they have trouble with sitting still, display a lack of self-regulation, or hang around after class seeking a connection with you. For ten consecutive days, invest two minutes a day in connecting time to talk about anything. This could be right before class, during a seatwork time, or when the student comes up to you for something else. This gives you the relational foundation for the whole semester or year.
• Three in Thirty: Ask just enough questions, through any conversation, to discover three things (other than a name) about every student you have in the first thirty days. For example, do you know who else is at home in the family? Do you know what interests the student has outside school? Do you know what the student wants to do when he or she gets older?
Consider the three preceding strategies as a quick start. Additionally, use the following three quick strategies as add-ons to show you care: (1) connect early, (2) connect late, and (3) connect with students’ home lives.
Connect Early
During the first few minutes of class (or before it starts), make “the rounds” with students. Assess how students are doing on the opening activity, and take a moment to check in with them emotionally. You can build rapport, connect, and show empathy even with brief conversations.
Some teachers will engage in friendly small talk with students (for example, about their favorite sports team and if that team lost or won). You may politely compliment a student on his or her new hairstyle or new shoes or ask about an upcoming community event or a family activity. Use the first three to seven minutes to see if anyone is struggling academically and needs extra help.
Connect Late
When students are leaving class, check their body language. Often their nonverbal signals will indicate their emotional state without you even needing to ask. For example, if a student is dragging himself out of class, maybe he or she does not want to go to his next class, maybe the student does not understand how to do homework, or maybe he or she is sorting out a big emotional issue. This is the time to check in. Ask, as a student leaves, “Have you got a second?” Then say, “You know I’m always here for you, right? If something’s going on, maybe I can help things move along a little easier.” Your student will either talk or he or she won’t. At least you reached out, and you planted that seed. Maybe next time you say that, he or she will open up.
Many high-performing
