students are writing, ask yourself quietly, “What’s his or her name?” Try to answer it first, then walk over, and check out your answer by looking at the student’s name on a paper or asking.
• Self quizzes: As students enter the class, greet them by name, or ask them to give you a prompt or cue to trigger their name. Tell students they can’t enter your classroom until you say their names correctly. Then, use their names as you make eye contact and give a compliment. (“Eric, good to see you today.”)
• Returns: When you return papers or assignments in the first three to four weeks, use names as you give the paper back to the student (“Loved your perfect spelling, Kenisha”).
• Interviews: Give students two to three minutes in pairs to interview each other and discover something that no one can forget. Each pair stands, then asks students to introduce each other, allowing about one minute per pair.
Ensuring students know each other’s names is also a useful way to build relationships between peers, because strong social glue builds valuable respect, familiarity, and trust. That can break down barriers and reduce cliques in class.
These memory tools will build the confidence and social glue to foster cognitive capacity (for attention, short-, and long-term memory). Additionally, during group work, invite students to always address each other by name. When students pair up with a new partner, ask them to introduce themselves to others with eye contact, a greeting, and a handshake.
Create a Me Bag
Another way to build a culture of personalization is to use variations of the Me Bag activity during the first week of school. This is a great activity for all K–12 students because most students want to know some personal things about their teacher. First, you’ll model the process for your own students. Start with a paper bag that has small objects or items you collect about yourself: photos, receipts, ticket stubs, a favorite snack, keys, or mementos that help tell a story about yourself. Share those objects and stories in about seven to ten minutes.
If you teach at the secondary level, and you think it’s still a bit weird to use this activity with older students, consider that Leslie Ross (2012), a secondary teacher at a high-poverty school in Greensboro, North Carolina, defies tradition and uses the Me Bag activity with all her ninth-grade students (versus using it for only lower elementary). She typically gets among the highest test scores in the district.
I find that the Me Bag activity breaks down walls, especially with teens who think, “No one understands me except my friends.” When adolescents find out that others have had a pretty rough life, or at least major obstacles to overcome, they soften and barriers come down. Share something good, bad, and maybe silly (or embarrassing) that happened to you.
Ultimately, it’s about being real; students need and appreciate your honesty and genuineness.
Share an Everyday Problem
In the preface of this book, I shared my own early life story. I did not do this to engender sympathy or blame; the story is just a part of my early life. In fact, I am often hesitant to share it because I am afraid of how people will receive it. Will someone think I’m a jerk or desperate for attention? I don’t know. But I do know that when I talk about adversity, it seems to allow others permission to share their story too, and that makes it worth sharing.
Whether you want to be a role model or not, you are a role model. Give students what they need so badly—a real-world model of how to live as an adult. You can think of this as a way to extend the work you began with the Me Bag activity. That means about once a week, share a piece of your world, something that presents a challenge or problem that you had, maybe something you experienced over the weekend. A short, three-minute slice of a teacher’s life can do wonders for fostering the relational mindset.
Your story gives students a tiny window into your adult world, especially when you can turn it into a learning opportunity for them to learn to solve real-world problems, which is often something you can connect directly to the learning topic you intend to cover in your lesson. After you present your story, give students a minute to brainstorm how they would approach it. Then, call on students to give their thoughts, and don’t judge their answers. Keep a modest, positive spirit, and say, “I hadn’t thought of that. Thank you, Marcus” or “I appreciate the brainstorming you did. Thank you! Now, let’s grab a few more ideas.” I always thank students for their participation but never criticize, judge, or evaluate their efforts. I realize they’re a fraction of my age and are unlikely to have the same coping skills.
After you call on many volunteers (thanking them for their effort), you should share the rest of the story. How did you decide what to do about the problem, and what did you learn from the results?
Even if you can’t connect this exercise directly to an ongoing lesson, it is not a waste of time; it is an investment in your students that will pay off later since you’re role-modeling three things for your class. Yes, adults do have problems, and how they deal with them can be useful. Just because a problem is tough, big, or stressful doesn’t mean it is unsolvable. Finally, it is a chance for you to share the process of problem solving. You share your values, your attitude, and the procedures it takes to be a success.
Share Progress on Goals
The last tool for creating a culture of personalization is sharing your personal goals. Many teachers struggle to find a separation between their personal and teacher lives. However, all students, especially those from poverty, love the idea of goals. Setting personal goals and sharing them with your students is an effective way to foster the relational mindset. Post your personal goal in the classroom (since you are asking students to do the same), and share your progress all year (or semester) long. In addition, you’ll also post your class goal too. (You’ll learn more about setting gutsy class goals in chapter 4, page 43.)
Sample goals include:
• Participating in community projects
• Starting healthier eating and exercise habits
• Completing a teaching improvement list
• Running a 5K
• Mentoring someone
• Growing a garden
• Learning a skill or sport
• Helping change the culture at your school
Along the way, share your key milestones and celebrations and how you overcame. When you share all the micro steps forward and the nearly predictable setbacks you experience, students will see that mistakes are OK and make way for improvement. Your journey over the course of the year will be a drama akin to must-see TV. In short, as you make progress through obstacles, students can see themselves succeeding and as contributors to your growth. If you don’t have any goals, it’s time to start. It benefits you as well, and your students want a teacher that has kept learning and growing. This is an exciting way to influence students.
CHAPTER 2
CONNECT EVERYONE FOR SUCCESS
In this second of three powerful chapters on the relational mindset, we’ll strengthen our skills in connecting everyone. Psychologist and Nobel Laureate Daniel Kahneman (as cited in Brockman, 2012) cites connecting with people
