because that would supersede my whiskey money. Which leads me to the next thing on the list:
More Than One Towel
You have one towel that's seen better days. You use it and hang it up somewhere, over the closet door or on a hook, and you let it dry to be used the next day. I hope you're showering every day. That towel holds its shape. When you take it off the closet door, it keeps the dent. Your philosophy is that if you're clean when you use it, it's clean all the time.
Towels aren't that expensive. I got four for $20 at a department store. It's a small expense that made me feel a lot more like a normal person. Get yourself a stack of new towels. It'll serve you well, especially when you have someone staying over, and you both don't have to use the same towel.
Change begins on the inside, and right next to your insides is your underpants.
Curtains
At the age of 32, I had never had curtains that weren't trash bags or bed sheets. That's junkie life right there. What do you think of people when you see those things in their windows? I think trash bags are tweakers and bed sheets are junkies. While you're at it, you could probably use some bed sheets, too, for your bed.
I found that discount stores like Ross, aside from having lots of clothes for sudden job interviews and weddings, has a huge home furnishings section in the back of the store. You can find all kinds of sheets and curtains back there for cheap. Before you go, there are two things you need to do.
Measure your windows and see how long your curtains will need to be. Also, find out the size of your mattress. There are standard mattress sizes: twin, full, queen, and king, and sometimes a few others like California king. The difference is a few inches in either direction, but it makes a big difference when it comes to fitting the sheets on the bed.
Bed
When I got sober, I was still sleeping on the same lumpy futon that I had been passing out on for years. I bought that futon used from another drunk for twenty bucks. Between that and the ratty couch that had suffered many generations of punks and cats, I slept fine with the aid of some of Kentucky's finest bourbon. But soon after getting sober, I slept at someone else's house, and that someone had a fancy mattress made from foam. I laid down on it, and eight hours later I awoke thinking I had slept for days. “What the hell?” I thought. I never slept through the night back then. I thought I had some sleep disorder that prevented me from getting a good night's rest. I did have a sleeping disorder. It was called a futon. Drinking two pints of whiskey every day made it easy for me to sleep anywhere: couches, floors, bathroom stalls, offices, at the wheel, you name it. But sober was another matter. Look, if you're spending one third of your time sleeping, make it worthwhile. Treat yourself right. Having a bed that's not right is like having shoes that don't fit. And although you may not have been able to help the shoe and bed situation before, you can now.
Buying a bed can be costly, and perhaps out of your price range when newly sober. But beds are also a pain to get rid of. Most thrift store type places won't take bedding. Your best bet is to get a secondhand one from someone in your fellowship who is getting a new one. Trust me; the used bed will be better than what you've been sleeping on. A couple who has just moved in together is likely to be getting rid of one of their beds.
A mattress on the floor is a vestige of drug life. Outside of a creepy drug house, it looks, well, creepy.
A mattress on the floor does not count as a bed. That is nothing more than a mattress on the floor. It's regal in a squat, perhaps, but you can do better. A mattress on the floor is a vestige of drug life. Outside of a creepy drug house, it looks, well, creepy.
One more tip: Buying a bed is like buying a car. You don't have to pay retail. The price is negotiable. Get a good price, then comparison shop. I saved up $500, and then went from place to place asking what I could get in a full size mattress and box spring for that price, including tax and delivery. Anyone who couldn't play ball got a walkout from me. I finally found a mattress marked down from $1,000 to $750, and they gave me that one for $500.
More Than One Set of Sheets
Once you have the new bed, get some sheets. By no means should you sleep on that bare mattress. You shouldn't be sleeping on a bare mattress unless you're living in a squat or in the back of a van, and you shouldn't be doing either one of those things.
Really, you need some bed sheets. Stop sleeping on the bare mattress. You're going to spend some money on the bed. Now spend a little more and protect your investment.
Most discount stores sell sheets. You should know what size your bed is before you go shopping. You can buy a pack that has a full set of sheets including pillowcases. If you get two sets, it's easy to keep a clean set around.
Sheets are something that no one will notice if you have them, but they will definitely notice if you don't. Aside from helping you assimilate into society, it will also prolong the life of your mattress.
Dare I mention mattress pads here? Maybe that's too much for you right now. But there's this other thing that goes between the mattress and the sheets. The human body is kinda gross and dirty. The mattress pad is your mattress' machine-washable defense against the shedding of your humanity.
Bank Account
Get a real bank account. You're a legitimate member of society. Stay away from the check cashing and payroll advance places. You have no need for them. More on those places later.
It doesn't cost anything to set up a checking account. Shop around and find a bank that doesn't charge you monthly fees. If you can't get a fee-free account, shop for the lowest fees. These fees will be much less than what the check cashing people were taking out.
Credit Card
It's hard to live a regular life in this country without a credit card. Many jobs require hotel stays, and you will be asked to leave a card for incidentals, even if you don't plan on using any incidentals. You can't rent a car or a DVD without a credit card. It's likely, however, that you won't be able to get a regular card.
Once you have a bank account, talk to a bank officer about getting a secured credit card. You must leave a deposit, which they will put in an interest-drawing savings account, and the bank will give you a line of credit. I did this with $300. I put my phone bill on an automatic payment through my credit card and then put the credit card payments on automatic payment from my checking account. This is easy enough to do. I never missed a payment.
Within six months, I was getting offers in the mail for other credit cards. Most of them weren't good deals; they came with high interest rates and big annual fees. I ignored those. But my regular payments on my secured card were reporting good news to the credit services.
After a year, the bank gave me back the deposit with interest and my secured card became a regular credit card. Every so often, they raise my limit. It's big enough now to handle all my bills.
The only warning here is that it is our tendency as addicts to max out our credit. We want to get something today and not have to pay for it. There is a consequence to this behavior. I don't rack up more debt than I can pay off at the end of the month. I don't want to pay any interest for the quick satisfaction of having a big screen TV or a nice vacation.
