absolute knowing that you are loved exactly as you are and exactly as you are not.
And in case you just went through this list with some level of impatience, cynicism, or distrust—believe me, I have been you—I'm going to repeat the last one: You are loved exactly as you are and exactly as you are not. Take a sip of that magic elixir. Let it seep into your heart. That superhero dose of love is just one of many you will receive on this journey.
This book will give you many tools to unveil the Superhero of Love inside you. If you can muster up some courage, open your heart a wee bit, and do the exercises, by the end of the book you will be Love Strong—able to love and be loved more than ever before.
Your love has the potential to make a huge difference in your life and in the world. Every person whose heart we spark with our hearts has the ability to spark another. Imagine a world of superhero hearts. Imagine a world of hearts whose pain no longer informs their words and actions, where saboteurs are tamed and Mighty Flames burn bright. Imagine a world full of Superheroes of Love.
Your Love Strong mission starts now. All it takes is a willingness to tap into your very own superpowers. Trust me, if I've got them, you've got them! You will be shocked at how easy it is to uncover them.
Let's begin.
Chapter 2
ORIGIN STORY
Before fixing what you're looking at,check what you're looking through.
Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening
All superheroes have an origin story—the legend of how they came to be and how they ended up with their superpowers. Spider-Man had his radioactive spider bite. Wonder Woman had the Greek gods. I had my Mr. X.
We met online. I was feeling pretty good about myself at the time. I felt as if I were a great catch who had a lot to off er in a relationship. I was blessed with a full and happy life—friends, travel, and work I loved. I had been single for a few years and had worked a lot on myself during that time, stretching my heart and mind as best I could, increasing my integrity so I knew myself to be my word. I had just started taking tap-dancing lessons as a fun way to get out of my physical comfort zone. So, yes, I was even trying to expand the scope of my body's limits. I was excited to get back to learning the lessons that only intimate relationships can teach.
Mr. X looked happy in his profile picture and his description seemed to indicate that he had as full and happy a life as I did. That's exactly what I was looking for—a happy man who felt and knew his own power. His profile said he was in the movie industry. I assumed he was a producer, because that's what I inferred from his photo. He was filming a movie in an exotic, tropical locale when we first spoke on the phone. When it turned out that he was an actor, I winced a little, but I was already smitten by his deep voice. We connected with ease and talked for hours—him enjoying delicious rum drinks and fresh-caught grilled fish; me lying in bed at home, a dog on either side, wondering if they would like him. That, of course, would be the ultimate test.
One of the first nights we spoke on the phone, we had a very intimate conversation. A hurricane was about to hit the island where he was filming and he was seeking a little comfort, not being well-versed in the art of hurricane survival. The storm hit while we were on the phone and I thought it was adorable that he admitted he was scared; I was happy to keep him distracted. I could hear the rain pelting his windows and shutters. He made me laugh. His deep, sexy voice, which revealed a touch of vulnerability, made him instantly attractive to me. I was hooked. The next day, I left on a business trip of my own, so we continued our intimate pillow talk in late-night calls. By the time we were both back in Los Angeles, I couldn't bear to wait a moment longer to see him.
When we finally met, I realized I had become enamored with the picture of Mr. X that I had drawn in my mind. In reality, he was two inches shorter than he claimed he was in his profile, and simply wasn't what I expected based on everything revealed online or in our conversations. It wasn't that the photo was old or doctored; it just didn't portray the person who showed up on the date. Headshots capture our most spectacular selves—like catching fireflies in a jar. When I met him in person, I thought: “Oh, he's not my guy.” We had a nice talk, though, and I thought he could be a friend. Then, just minutes before the date was to end, he touched the back of my hand very gently with one finger as he made a point. I have no idea what the point was, but I remember how he smiled and playfully tilted his head as his touch sent energy thrilling through my body. Whatever words he uttered, I heard: “You're mine.” And my inner voice responded: “Yes. That voice, that humor, that touch. I'm yours.” So, I let myself fall.
I enjoyed the fall. We had fun. We made each other laugh a lot. We started traveling together. He was a good traveler, even when emergencies came up. We relaxed, we enjoyed each other, and we had amazing sex. He made me feel like a woman again, after a long dry spell from dating. He appreciated me. We loved to cook together and entertain. He adored me and I adored him right back. My friends loved him because they saw how happy I was with him. And he was mighty charismatic, so they all fell a little in love with him, too.
So when I found out that he had told me a rather enormous lie, which unraveled a whole web of other lies told over the course of our years together, my dearest friends were nearly as devastated as I was. I remember wondering if a couple of them were more disappointed for themselves than for me. He was cool. I got it. But we all also knew that the extent of his lies was too great for me to continue the relationship. The pictures of what I thought the future was going to look like all crashed around me at once.
Shattered glass everywhere. Where do I step now? How do I move forward?
This devastating moment was seminal to my own origin story. Every superhero has one. You're reading mine. You have your own, and tapping into it will help you unravel the many threads of that story that brought you to this exact moment in your life.
Love Strong Exercise: Your Origin Story
Whether it happened yesterday, last week, last month, last year, or even decades ago—and no matter what kind of loss it was that led you here—it's time to get in touch with the story of your heartbreak and what it all means. Think about the loss you are experiencing. Then silently answer the following questions, or record yourself answering them on your device, or write them in a journal or on the blank pages provided at the end of this book.
What do you want to acknowledge about the good times?
Were there any red flags you set aside early on?
What events can you not release? Do their memories still leave you feeling powerless, paralyzed, or just plain sad or mad?
What words originally spoken by someone else (it doesn't matter how long ago they were uttered) do you keep replaying in your head like a bad recording?
What have you been saying to yourself since this loss—about your life, about your state of mind, about your value?
What dream of your future did you abandon (accidentally or on purpose) because of this loss?
If you could stand on the edge of the Grand Canyon and scream, with no danger of
