hear her.
Sometimes you just need to be sad, and sometimes you just need to be mad. But if the crazy firestorms don't quit or if they feel out of proportion to your circumstances, you may want to explore what's underneath that top layer of grief. We will learn how to do that in the next chapter. For now, you need to know that the more you ignore the source of the fire, the more you end up shutting down the parts of yourself that are begging to be remembered, nurtured, or given a voice.
Crazy firestorms are God's way of shining light on the unfinished business in your heart. Consciously dealing with that unfinished business can be thrilling, can bring you deep relief, and will always prove worth the effort.
YOUR MIGHTY FLAME
The other source of fire that is essential to your recovery is your Mighty Flame. Have you ever had the experience of “knowing” or “feeling” something to be true? A time when your intuition was spot on and you felt as if you were divinely guided? That's your Mighty Flame at work. It has been with you since the very beginning. It is what fed your first cry of life, your first smile. It gave you the urge to propel yourself forward and upward. It is what makes you reach for love.
If you take only one concept away from this book, I wish it to be this: Your Mighty Flame gives you the power to love and be loved. It gives you the power to fly as a Superhero of Love, to touch other hearts, and to make a difference in the world. And here is the best news: Although you may not feel a connection to your own Mighty Flame yet, and even if you don't believe me that it exists, I am here to promise you it is there. And, even better, although that flame may wane at times, it will never ever die.
The Mighty Flame is inside every superhero. It fuels our super-humanity, sending us beyond, farther, deeper. Like the Olympic flame, it can travel the world, igniting one torch after another, each flame born of the same fire. Such is the journey of our own hearts. We spend our days touching, inspiring, and sparking each other's hearts with our Mighty Flames, whether we know it or not.
Once I became aware of my flame and came to terms with how I had neglected it or abused its power, I realized its importance. I had ignored it. I had dropped the torch. Too often. Don't get me wrong, it's natural to drop this torch. Don't beat yourself up when you do. Just pick it back up. You'll find that flame is damned forgiving.
I first became aware of my own Mighty Flame when I was in the midst of a housing crisis. My landlord told me that I had two months to move. I embarked on the crazy, mad adventure of trying either to buy a house quickly or to find that elusive unicorn, an affordable rental house. I started by making a list of things I wanted in my new home. I created a beautiful collage and remained conscious of my vision. But, because time was so limited, I began to doubt if I would find as nice a place as I wanted in the price range I could afford.
Maybe this is as good as it gets. Maybe I can live with less.
Oh, the humanity of doubt! Luckily, before one house-viewing appointment, I had a session with my coach. She told me to be conscious of the flame inside me before I walked into the house and to keep checking in with it as I moved from room to room. I entered the house and the flame dimmed. This couldn't be my home. It was clear. Even though there was a lot that felt right about the house, and as much as I wanted it to be right, it wasn't.
When you become proficient at monitoring your Mighty Flame, it can be a huge relief. The clarity it brings is stunning. It's like being able to see perfectly after needing glasses your whole life.
Imagine applying this same intuition to love!
I did. I went on dates with some wonderful men. Just as I did with the perfectly wonderful houses, I checked in with my flame. And, just as with the houses, it was sometimes shocking when the flame dimmed.
What? He seemed so cool! I liked that, and that, and even that.
You can certainly make choices about important things in your life by using your mind alone: “That man will make a good father,” or “This house is in a perfect location.” But imagine your purest, unfiltered intuition leading you through life. Imagine trusting it as an unfaltering compass.
All may not instantly become crystal clear when you first test it out. I walked into the house that ended up being the perfect house for me and my flame clearly said, “Yes!” But my mind had some objections. I talked with a friend to clear the clutter out of my mind and was then able to feel my flame. It was still a yes. Even my real estate agent came to know within seconds of us entering a house if it was going to work for me. The house I chose is one I couldn't help but keep coming back to, because my flame grew every time. I was the moth to its flame, happy just to sit in front of it, staring at its light.
Days later, as I packed up the old house, I found my collage and the list of all the qualities I wanted in my new dream house. I had it all—and more! You never have to settle. Ever. When you let your inner flame, your highest self, guide you, you can't go wrong. In fact, you can have more than you ever imagined.
Be mindful of your Mighty Flame. Notice what makes it grow and what makes it dim. As you learn what it needs, you can consciously nourish it.
Over the last several years, when alone and full of bliss, with my Mighty Flame burning bright, I have found myself exclaiming aloud: “I love my life!” Yet, there have been times when I clearly felt the opposite. I once missed a plane and was struggling to find an alternate flight to get to an appointment on time. I ran through the airport harried. I wasn't in love with my life in that moment. I was covered with sweat, full of panic over the clients I might disappoint, and berating myself for not knowing that my flight was taking off from a bizarre far-off terminal due to airport construction. I couldn't have known this fact, and yet guilt was searing into my heart as I ran.
You should have known. Bad girl. Bad and wrong girl. Bad. Bad. Bad.
My life was not perfect in that moment, because I felt I was not perfect. When you repeat something to yourself, it starts to become true, right? Luckily, I recognized what was happening and got my wits about me. I stopped in the middle of an empty corridor and said aloud: “I love my life!” This, of course, made me laugh because I was a hot mess. Then I added: “I love me even when I am bad and wrong.” Teasing myself for the ridiculous repeating of untruths, just as friends sometimes do, puts everything back in perspective. And laughter will always instantly fan your Mighty Flame.
THE POWER OF INTEGRITY
While I love to laugh, the number-one method I use to fan my Mighty Flame is integrity. Integrity is jet fuel for your heart. It will feed your Mighty Flame. Having integrity means:
You are your word. You do what you say you are going to do. You are known for keeping your promises.
You empower yourself and others with your word, your actions, and your way of being.
People know they can count on you, no matter what.
Your friends and loved ones know you as someone who achieves goals and dreams. And in your most exalted state, you are a person who makes dreams come true for others.
You speak well of yourself and others.
That last one is my Achilles heel. I am most often out of integrity when I disempower myself or someone else. Reining in my negative thoughts about myself or others is a challenge when my flame is dim. Yet reining in your negative thoughts
