the easier it will be to move through life.
Chapter summary + exercises
In this chapter we talked about the importance of mindfulness in learning to accept the conditions of the world around you so you don’t get pulled into a world of thought that controls you. While it may seem like being present is an obvious state to be in, our minds are tricky things, and if left to their own devices, they will keep us from ever feeling like where we are in this moment is good enough.
Learning to be mindful was a journey for me, one that I only allowed myself to be open to once I was able to let go of where I felt I “should” be. Instead I accepted where I was. It didn’t mean giving up or losing clarity and direction in my life—it meant recognizing the step in which I stood, rather than looking back at the steps I had already taken or the steps that were yet to come.
What I want you to start working on is incorporating small mindfulness practices into your daily routine. Everything is small steps, so there’s no need to expect that the following tasks will be easy to do day after day. The most important step here is to try your best.
Morning
When you first wake up, it might feel natural to reach over and check your phone to see what time it is or if you have any notifications that require your immediate attention.
Before you launch into checking anything, sit upright in your bed and stick your arms out way above your head and stretch your body.
Then, bring your arms out to your side and take a deep breath in. As you bring your arms back down to your sides, stretch your spine straight up, and then allow yourself to stand up and start your day.
Okay, now you can run and check your phone.
Chances are your morning meal is the only meal when you’re going to have a moment of peace and quiet (if you have the time to eat breakfast; if not, try to make the time). If your routine already includes you checking your phone, watching TV, or multitasking while you’re eating, take three minutes in the very beginning to focus on the experience of eating.
Be present for each and every bite, sit in silence, and just enjoy the taste of the food. Smell it as you raise it to your mouth, and focus on the depth of where the food came from, how it was prepared, and what went into the process of making it.
School Day/Work Day
During the day, our minds are running all over the place trying to think about what our next task is. We never have a moment to slow things down and just accept where we are and who we are in the present.
It can be difficult to suddenly realize that your mind is not in the present, so one of many ways to allow yourself to return to “the now” is to use markers to help you get there. One marker I would use in college was doorways. Whenever I would walk into or out of a room and pass through the doorway, I would take a breath and come back to the now. It’s sort of like thinking about how you’re blinking; when your mind connects to the idea that you are doing it, you suddenly become aware of each blink and can’t not think about it.
Another technique you can try is carrying an object in your pocket so when you notice that it’s there, you will be reminded to take your mindful moment. Buddhists practice this by carrying small pebbles inside of their pockets, and whenever they stick their hands in their pockets and feel them, they remember to be in the here and now.
There are lots of different ways to do this. For you, it might be when you’re walking through the hallway at school, when you first sit down at your desk to work, or even when you hear the sound of the bell at your school signaling you to go to the next class.
Returning Home
After a long day, you might feel exhausted to the point where all you want to do is lie down in front of the TV or computer to zone out. And while that’s totally fine to do, the moment before you sit down could present you with the opportunity to practice mindfulness.
Before you launch into any activity, take a seat on your couch, chair, or bed, and sit up with a straight back so you can take in a deep breath. Most likely you’ve been on the move all day long, so letting this moment be the buffer where you can slow down before launching into your next activity will help you re-calibrate your body.
You might be feeling anxious to jump into whatever you’re going to do next, but try the breathing techniques for one minute. If you have the time, do it for three minutes. And then when you’re ready, pick up your remote or open up your laptop and move into the rest of your day.
Before Bed
When it’s time for you to head to sleep, there isn’t anything left for you to do besides lie down and pass out. Practicing mindfulness as you lie down to sleep can not only help you fall asleep more easily but can also bring you into a calm state of being where you won’t be overrun by thoughts all night long.
Start simply by lying down on your back or in a comfortable position with your eyes closed. As you begin to breathe, move your focus to the different parts of your body. Start with the air going into your lungs, and then shift your focus to your chest and upper body. Feel your body sink into the bed below you, and release any tightened muscles. Let yourself feel as if you are floating on a cloud or on the surface of water.
Let your mind move in thought to the other parts of your body, your arms, your legs, and eventually your body as a whole. It’s normal for your mind to wander or for you to think about what you have to do the next day, but at least for now in the moments when you first lie down, your mind is there with you.
“If you’re not willing to work hard, let someone else do it.
I’d rather be with someone who does a horrible job but gives 110 percent than with someone who does a good job and gives 60 percent.” —Will Smith
Identying your strengths and weaknesses
There’s a quote from Mister Rogers that I always turn to whenever I feel like I’m not taking action to the best of my ability. What I’ve come to learn over the years is that all we can ever give to any situation is ourselves. We can never be what someone expects us to be; heck, we can’t even always be what WE want to be. And that’s why it’s a wonderful feeling to know that the most we can ever offer is our honest selves. This is the quote I turn to:
“Sometimes people are good, and they do just what they should. But the very same people who are good sometimes are the very same people who are bad sometimes. It’s funny but it’s true. It’s the same isn’t it, for me and you.”
Learning what you’re good at is way more than just identifying your skill set or your ability to succeed in a single area of your life. When we’re young, we’re taught to think in this one-pointed way, to just find a career that will offer stability, security, and safety. These three “S” words leave the great majority of people pursuing dreams and goals that they may not want, but which are in alignment with the people with whom they surround themselves.
