do a quick self-check. What types of messages are you sending without even saying a word? What type of energy are you projecting? What’s going on behind your personal curtain? Before Dog can believe or take us seriously, we must believe in ourselves. Are we confident and clear in what we’re asking for?
Whether it’s to step up a bit more in life, stand our ground, firm up – or even soften a bit - in our energy and approach, we always get the dog we need to help us work through the challenges we’re most ready for.
Believe in yourself, and Dog will, too.
It’s human nature to hop on the occasional emotional roller coaster. We’re built to feel. We have our triggers. And while dogs are there for us regardless of whatever emotional wave we’re surfing, they do feel and respond to the emotional energy we’re projecting. Remember, super potent stuff.
If we’re constantly at odds with ourselves and the world around us, chances are our dogs will take on this energy to some degree, reflecting back to us exactly what it is we’re putting out.
Life is not about what happens to us. Who said or did what. No. Life is about how we respond to it. How we choose to respond to it, rather.
When we remain calm, we remain in our power.
How people treat and speak to others is how they treat and speak to themselves. What people project is stemming from a set of beliefs. Beliefs that, most likely, developed a long time ago as children that never got resolved or addressed; and have only evolved and become the filter through which they view and interact with the world.
This is where our compassion comes into play, and not taking others’ behaviors and actions personally. Not taking on their energy. Not being responsible for their “stuff”, their weight.
When people react or behave in a certain manner, they’re telling their own story.
Because dogs share intimate space with us and look to us for how to feel, it’s important we remain cognizant and aware of what it is we’re putting out into that space. What kind of information we’re sending them. How they should feel about who and what’s around them.
Emotions will get the best of us at times, and that’s normal. What matters is how we bounce back. How we reset, re-approach, and regain composure.
To be proactive and not reactive is a daily practice. It helps us to hold our ground and remain in our power. The only thing we can control in life is how we respond to it.
Staying grounded derives a much different response from the world than unstable, up-and-down, emotional energy. Dog reminds us of this.
Clarity fosters understanding.
What many people don’t realize is that they’re often sending mixed messages through a combination of their body language (standing tall and confident vs. slouched and unsure), vocal inflection (is there a question mark at the end of what’s being said, or a period or exclamation point? Is their tone in the lower register, sure and assertive, or is it high-pitched, soft or squeaky, and end on a rise?), and energy (are they feeling calm, patient and assertive, or doubtful, insecure, frustrated, impatient, angry or anxious?).
We usually act from an emotional or reactive state of mind, instead of a grounded, proactive state of mind; mixing confident body language while masking insecure, doubtful energy. Sending mixed signals that are totally out of alignment with one another.
When dogs communicate, they do so using their energy and entire bodies. The level of the head. Position of the ears. Open vs. closed mouth. Standing erect vs. lower to the ground. How their weight is shifted. Is the tail tucked under, stiff and pointed, or level with a soft wag. The shape of their eyes. And so on.
Everything with dogs is a conversation. They make their point with absolute clarity to other dogs; however, we humans often misinterpret what they’re actually saying. Case in point: picture a lip curl and a few teeth bared. Most people would throw their hands up declaring, “Aggression! Aggression!” When the dog could simply be over-excited in a good way, offering what’s called a “submissive grin”. Or the dog may be giving a warning due to discomfort, which we should appreciate. We want a warning if we’ve crossed a personal boundary.
When we’re communicating with dogs, we tend to speak, treat, and relate to them as we would other humans. Yes, we can love a dog to the point of imbalance and instability, and it happens more often than not. As with everything else, too much or too less of anything creates instability and imbalance.
Dogs have brains, but they don’t process information the same way we do. When we throw a ton of verbiage at them mixed in with various signals (or lack thereof), how could they possibly understand what it is we’re trying to get across?
In order to be understood, it’s important we’re short, concise, and clear in our communication. We need to help Dog understand what it is we expect. Match (ideally) single word commands or short phrasings (consistently) to single actions. Using our body language to guide, point out, and show. Repeating and practicing with patience, and rewarding to punctuate when they give us exactly what we want. “Sit” means “butt to the ground”, every single time. And nothing else. “Off” and “Down” often get used interchangeably.
It’s important to remember that every dog is different, as is every human working with them. We’ve got to take baby steps, and be aware of the tiny indications of forward progression and “getting it” Dog may give.
Dogs don’t speak English but, when delivered in an appropriate and effective manner, do have the ability to put 2 + 2 together. It’s up to us to help them connect those dots.
Using our body language to guide and direct, our calm, patient, “we’ve got- this!” energy to help them feel confident and more at ease will work wonders. Training is about connection. Relationship. Team building. Establishing rapport, trust and respect. Our pups will appreciate the time we invest to help them understand, and will strengthen the bond tenfold. Clarity fosters understanding.
I may or may not have repeated the following words with every single one of my pups over the years: “… I don’t know if I can do this.” And I dare say, I haven’t been alone. But, let me tell you. Yes, you can. And it always.
Gets. Better.
Raising a pup, from any age, isn’t easy. We’re raising a different species of animal that has different (yet similar) needs, methods of communication, and
