and venting her anger about her loss was important in Tiffany's healing. But eventually she realized that she didn't want to carry the ghost of her mother on her back for the rest of her life, and so she made a commitment to forgiving her.
Tiffany found it very helpful to picture her mother and then imagine that she could look through the drinker's facade and see the wounded, scared, and ignorant part of her mother who needed to disrupt everyone's lives. It was much easier to forgive the little girl inside her mother, who had also had a difficult childhood, than it was to forgive the woman who had made Tiffany's miserable.
In any forgiveness practice, it's important to remember that we can't see the whole spiritual picture. We don't know precisely what lessons our souls have signed up for in their evolutionary process. What we do know is that being able to forgive ourselves and others opens our hearts to the flow of divine energy.
I am willing to forgive _____.
I forgive _____.
Exploring the Family Tree
IF WE HAVE ARID PLACES IN US FROM OUR experience with our parents, a great way to re-green them is to learn to understand, honor, and know our parents as human beings, not roles. If they are alive, we can talk to them about their childhoods and, by listening to their reminiscences, get a better feel for why and how they became the people they are. If our parents have died, we can talk to other family members and friends about them and explore letters and papers left behind.
Out of a deep desire to know who her father really was, Carrie created a four-page questionnaire and sent it to him. It had easy questions like, “What is your favorite color?” and “What were your parents like?” and tough ones such as, “How did you want me to think or feel about my sexuality?” and “Do you think about your own death, and are you afraid?” Although it took him a while to respond, to his credit, this quiet man attempted to answer most of his daughter's questions.
Carrie told me that his answers gave her a feeling of comfort and calm, an increased sense of why she is who she is, and a richer picture of her background. She better understands the influences that shaped both herself and her father, and she feels closer to him as a result.
In knowing our parents, we can more fully know ourselves. Ask yourself how you might be able to know your parents more authentically and decide what actions you want to take that are appropriate to your circumstances. Doing so may feel like a risk, but, who knows—within their histories, you may find an oasis for yourself.
Our personalities yearn to know and understand our souls. And when either is revealed, the other becomes more transparent, more readily available.
I love to learn about my background.
I love and honor myself and my parents.
Trailing Clouds of Glory
GENE AND I RECENTLY BECAME GRANDPARents for the first time, and I am learning that nothing re-greens the heart and mind quite like being in the presence of an innocent infant. William Wordsworth was certainly right in his poem Ode on Immortality when he said, “But trailing clouds of glory do we come from God, who is our home: Heaven lies about us in our infancy!”
I've always gone to pet stores or stopped people on the street with infants, puppies, or kittens to get my baby-fixes, but the other day I stepped back just a little to view other family members reacting to my little grandbaby's first smiles. We had all turned into “people-puddles,” melting in the warmth of the absolutely pure energy he embodies and showers on us. It's a two-way street—he opens our hearts with the aura of Heaven he trails, and we enfold him in love and security.
Not only can we make sure that we get a babyfix every now and then, but we can re-green arid places within us by giving to and gleaning from our own inner little ones.
Pam's mother died only a few days after she was born and Pam was cared for by a well-meaning but unprepared aunt who, not unnaturally, was a bit resentful at the unexpected turn of events in her life. As an adult, Pam avoided intimate relationships, rationalizing that she was too busy with her career. In truth, being a motherless daughter had left her carrying the unconscious belief that she was unlovable.
Finally, chronic depression made her seek therapy, where she discovered she needed to become the mother to herself that she'd never had. Through guided meditation, journaling, and a dogged determination to feel better, Pam began to love her inner infant and ultimately came to twin realizations: that she was not responsible for her mother's death and that she was infinitely lovable.
If you're feeling somewhat barren or lifeless, treat yourself to a baby-fix—either inner or outer—and immerse yourself in the innocent Heaven of new life.
I allow new life of all kinds to renew me.
I love my own inner little one.
Accepting Love from the Beloved
ONE OF THE BEST WAYS TO RE-GREEN ARID places in our psyches is to cultivate the skill of accepting and absorbing love. What is more nurturing than resting in the tender embrace of a loved one? What revitalizes us as much as feeling gently and unconditionally accepted? Very little, and yet it is often hard for us to both accept love and to ask for it. As with any skill, however, we can learn how to do it.
Gayle, a client of mine, was going through a very painful divorce. As a result, she felt betrayed, enraged, terrified, and totally unlovable. Although her friends and family tried to love and support her, she found it almost impossible to accept what they, or I, offered. As we worked together and her anger and terror dissipated somewhat, Gayle realized that the “plexiglass dome” she'd erected around herself was only serving to alienate her kids and make everyone, including herself, increasingly miserable. In a wonderfully passionate manner, Gayle decided that the best way to “get even with the bad guy” was to be happy.
Knowing that the ability to accept love was a big step toward happiness, Gayle committed herself to mastering the skill. She began each morning by telling her reflection in the mirror, “I love you” or, on really hard days, “I'm, sort of, a little willing to love you.” A very determined woman, each day Gayle visualized herself being in the presence of a loving and caring spiritual being, and she practiced consciously accepting love from her. At first the exercise was very hard and felt phony, but she persevered. Next she practiced laying her hands on her heart and asking it to open when her children offered her love or she wanted to show love to them.
Although it took quite a while for Gayle to heal her hurt and learn to once more embrace love, today she is a happy woman with a close relationship to God, herself, and her family.
You, too, can become adept at welcoming love. Make a commitment today to be open to accepting love, and visualize being held in a loving embrace by the Great Spirit.
God is the Beloved who kisses me on the inside of my heart.
I am worthy of love.
Balancing God's Qualities
I'VE HEARD IT SAID THAT IF GOD IS MALE, then the male is God, and
