Although singing is generally forbidden in Islam, it is allowed on the occasion of marriage.
5. Holding a wedding feast is recommended and rejection of the invitation, when it is possible to accept, is not allowed on this very special occasion.
Islam is concerned that marriages should succeed. They cannot do so unless properly founded. The conditions and recommendations for success are:
1. Full mutual agreement by the man and the woman to marry one another.
2. Common ground and understanding between the man and the woman are obviously necessary. A common conception of life, way of living and common ways of overcoming disagreements is needed, and all these are provided by the Islamic faith and Sharī‘āh. Therefore, the ideal husband and wife are those who adhere most to Islam.
3. As preparatory steps towards marriage, Islam recommends that the man and the woman should have sufficient information about each other’s knowledge and practice of Islam and that they should also see each other.
4. There is no room for any intent on either side to have a temporary marriage. Islam recognizes only the intention to have a lasting marriage.
5. To fulfil all the conditions in any marriage contract is considered by Islam as among the best of deeds and the highest of moral virtues. According to the Prophet: ‘The most worthy conditions to be fulfilled by Muslims are those included in a marriage contract.’17
6. Husband and wife are advised, in case of disagreements, to try to solve their problems without the interference of anyone else.
7. The husband-wife relationship, if it is to succeed must be based upon mutual respect, understanding, co-operation, love and mercy.
A study of ādāb al-Islām shows the importance of marriage in Islam. The special relationship of husband and wife is recognized in ādāb al-Islām in the following ways:
1. Men are not allowed to wash the bodies of dead women, nor vice versa unless they are married to one another. In the case of a deceased wife the husband has the right to place her body in the grave.
2. Men and women are not allowed to see each other’s private parts-even though they are related to each other by blood as brother and sister, or mother and children -except in the case of husband and wife.
3. Women are forbidden to mourn a deceased relative including even a brother or father for a period exceeding three days; but a widow may mourn for her dead husband for a period of four months and ten days.
The parent-child relationship also has an important place in the manners of Islam. According to the Prophet of Islam, Paradise lies at the feet of mothers. If good manners toward others are a form of politeness, they are an obligatory religious duty in the case of parents. The conduct of children toward parents, discussed in Chapter 7, shows how heavy is the responsibility imposed upon children in this respect.
Strong kinship, affection, responsibility should not be confined to children and parents, but be extended to all relatives. There is, first, the moral responsibility to visit relatives from time to time, to ensure that they do not feel neglected and ignored. Second, there is the financial responsibility upon those more able to assist their needy relatives. If a Muslim dies in debt, his relatives are recommended to discharge the debt as soon as they can.
Allowing breast-feeding by a woman other than the mother, as mentioned earlier, enlarges the circle of relatives, and must be recognized and welcomed in mutual responsibility.
Family feeling and responsibility are so stressed in ādāb al-Islām because the family is the formative ground of the whole range of human sentiments, and therefore the best foundation for a healthy, stable society is a healthy, stable family life.
Norms of Sexual Behaviour in Islam
Islam recognizes sex as a portion of nature created by God, and nothing created by Him is evil or wrong if used and practised according to His commands.
There is no doubt that sex is necessary for the development of the individual’s personality, and for the society as a whole. Sexual development is intimately connected with feelings of personal worth and the assurance of being loved. Sexual deprivation endangers mental health, hinders good relationships and creates inefficiency in the society. But sex can be a destructive force if not controlled and channelled through marriage. It will then be a force working against the individual, the institution of marriage and family, and the society as a whole. In fact, ‘sex is capable of impelling individuals, reckless of the consequences while under its spell, towards behaviour which may imperil or disrupt the co-operative relationships upon which social life depends’.18
Sexual behaviour, therefore, must be controlled. This, however, seems difficult, and may indeed be impossible in any society without the assistance of other elements and factors that help the individual to keep sexual desires in check. Islam provides a solution to this problem through the observance of the following rules of conduct:
1. Marriage should be made easy for every member of the society and opportunities for early marriage enhanced.
2. All factors and conditions that incite the individual to indulge his sexual desires outside marriage should be blocked. Ādāb al-Islām are vital here:
(a) The body of the woman is of such a nature that it causes sexual excitement among men. Because this is so and not the other way about, Islam has forbidden all forms of nudity and exploitation of the female form. It prescribes a form of dress designed to cover the whole body except face and hands so as to protect the woman from the gaze of men and to protect men from exposure to her charms. There is no doubt that clothes convey inter-personal attitudes among which is that of sexuality.
(b) The separation of the sexes is necessary in Islam. This helps to ease sexual tension.
(c) A Muslim woman should not adorn her face with cosmetics nor use perfume outside the home. Such actions should be confined to her home and for her husband.
(d) Women are not allowed to bathe in a public bath used by men.
(e) When a woman speaks to a man other than her husband or relatives whom she is forbidden to marry (maḥram), her speech should not be inviting, but should remain objective and crisp.
(f) Showing decorous shyness is also required of men, both in dress and personal conduct. If, by chance, a Muslim’s gaze falls upon a woman, he should turn away his eyes: a second look is forbidden.
(g) Privacy in sexual relations is of the utmost importance in the Islamic view. Husband and wife are a mercy to each other, a garment and veil. It is forbidden for either husband or wife to discuss their sexual relations with others except in cases where help of a medical or professional nature is required.
All the rules given above and others concerning sexual conduct are intended to enable men and women to benefit from the blessings of sex within marriage, and to enable the society to benefit from the blessings of marriage and secure family relations.
Ādāb al-Islām and the Status of Women
When Europe was plunged
