Harrington, what, in your opinion, is the basic difference in philosophy between your party’s view of the world and that of the opposition?”
“That’s a deep question, Ben.”
“I try, sir—”
“But I think I can answer it this way. When our side sees someone in trouble . . . maybe they’ve lost their job, or maybe they need medical care, or maybe they just lack money to put food on the dinner table, we feel obligated to help. We feel a responsibility to try to relieve the suffering of others.”
“I see—”
“The other party, however, and I regret having to saying this, the other side experiences no such sentiments. Indeed, even if they see someone in profound pain, they manage all too well to ignore such pain.”
“Do you mean—”
“If they see a starving child, they can look away.”
“What about—”
“If they see a homeless veteran, they can walk right past him.”
“I’m not sure if—”
“They figure that as long as they have theirs, then everyone else is on their own.”
“But do you find—”
“Now I’m not saying that when we try to help, we’re always successful. Sometimes our efforts fall short.”
“For example, you voted to—”
“Sometimes we make mistakes, and sometimes the other side sabotages our programs. But at least we try. I’m very proud that we are the party of compassion, while they other side is the party of . . .well—”
“Selfishness?”
“I think that’s the right word. Oh, they dress up their sentiments by speaking of ‘individual rights’ and ‘the capitalist system’ and ‘free enterprise’—”
“Don’t you believe—”
“—and they invoke a lot of fancy phrases to justify their attitude, but basically it comes down to this: we care about others, and they don’t.”
¶ ¶ ¶
“The annual meeting of the Conservative Colloquium is taking place in Washington this week, but amid closely observed appearances by several celebrated figures known to have their eye on a run for the White House, one second-term Congresswoman stole the show with a rousing speech that left this audience of fervent right-wingers standing, applauding, and cheering.”
“Would you please give a warm welcome to Representative Cassie McClellan!”
“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you so much! It’s wonderful to be here! Please! Thank you! And first I want to say how proud I am to share this platform with so many distinguished national leaders.”
“Yay!”
“Thank you! Thank you so much! Now . . . let me start off this way. Did you happen to hear what Senator Vance Harrington said the other day?”
“Booooooooooo!”
“He’s from my state, you know, although I don’t admit that fact with any pride.”
“Hah-hah!”
“But, remember, he’s up for re-election, so I hope you’ll keep a lookout for some good candidates to run against him, so we can send him home again, this time for good!“
“Run, run!”
“No, no—”
“Cassie, Cassie!”
“Run! Run!”
“You’re too kind! But first let me tell you what he said, so you know what I’m talking about! And I’m quoting now. I want to make sure that I get his words just right. He said that liberals care about people, but conservatives don’t.”
“Booooooooooo!”
“I’m not kidding! That’s what he said! Would I make it up?”
“No!”
“That’s what he thinks is wrong with us. And what do you think of that?”
“Booooooooooo!”
“I agree completely. Well, now it’s my turn. And I’m going to tell you what I know is wrong with liberals like him!”
“Yay!”
“The thing is, where do I start?”
“Hah-hah!”
“Oh, they’re nice enough, I guess. Some of them.”
“Hah-hah!”
“And I hear they’re tons of fun at parties. Give ‘em a few glasses of white wine, and some slices of fancy cheese, and before long they’ll be dancin’ on the tables!”
“Hah-hah!”
“The problem is, they figure everybody else is nice, too.”
“Right!”
“They figure that the hoodlums and thieves who cross our borders illegally to steal our jobs and flood our country with drugs are basically kind-hearted, peace-loving people!”
“Hah-hah!”
“They figure that all the bomb-makers and terrorists who want to blow us up are nice, too.”
“Hah-hah!”
“They figure that all the bigots, hate-mongers, and fanatics who despise our values and our way of life are really . . . when you get right down to it . . . just misunderstood!”
“Hah-hah!”
“In fact, they figure that all we have to do is prance over and extend a friendly hand, and then. . . by golly . . . all of those criminals and terrorists will turn into good neighbors!”
“Hah-hah!”
“No, I’m serious! Liberals really believe that if we smile and tread lightly . . . “
“Hah-hah!”
“. . . then give away all our resources, financial and otherwise . . . if we just welcome everyone here with open arms and an open checkbook, that the whole world will join us for one giant hug and a couple of choruses of “Kumbaya!”
“Hah-hah!”
“Am I right?”
“RIGHT!”
“Sure,
