Las Vegas, NV 89129
21 20 19 18 17 16 1 2 3 4 5
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Palmer, Vicki Tidwell, author.
Title: Moving beyond betrayal : the 5-step boundary solution for partners of sex addicts / Vicki Tidwell Palmer.
Description: Las Vegas, NV : Central Recovery Press, 2016. | Description based on print version record and CIP data provided by publisher; resource not viewed.
Identifiers: LCCN 2016002067 (print) |LCCN 2016000455 (ebook) | ISBN 9781942094159 (ebook)
Subjects: LCSH: Sex addiction. | Sex addicts--Rehabilitation. | Adjustment (Psychology) | BISAC: PSYCHOLOGY / Interpersonal Relations. | FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS / Marriage. | PSYCHOLOGY / Psychopathology / Addiction.
Classification: LCC RC560.S43 (print) | LCC RC560.S43 P35 2016 (ebook) | DDC 616.85/833--dc23
LC record available at http://lccn.loc.gov/2016002067
Photo of Vicki Tidwell Palmer by Rupa Kapoor. Used with permission.
Every attempt has been made to contact copyright holders. If copyright holders have not been properly acknowledged please contact us. Central Recovery Press will be happy to rectify the omission in future printings of this book.
Publisher’s Note: This book contains general information about sex addiction and its effects on relationships. Central Recovery Press makes no representations or warranties in relation to the information herein; it is not an alternative to medical advice from your doctor or other professional healthcare provider.
Our books represent the experiences and opinions of their authors only. Every effort has been made to ensure that events, institutions, and statistics presented in our books as facts are accurate and up-to-date. To protect their privacy, the names of some of the people, places, and institutions in this book may have been changed.
Author’s Note: All stories, “Partners Speak” quotes, and case examples presented here are either direct quotes attributed to the stated author of the quote (with permission), or a description of factual events using composite, non-identifiable information. Pronouns and other details have been altered to protect confidentiality.
Cover and interior design and layout by Sara Streifel, Think Creative Design
Dedicated to my husband, Micheal
For your courage, perseverance, and grace.
Our relationship has changed the trajectory of my life.
Table of Contents
A WORD ABOUT PRONOUNS
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
INTRODUCTION
CHAPTER ONE: YOUR FUTURE IS NOT YOUR PAST
The Transformational Power of Boundaries
Partners of Sex Addicts: Co-Addicts or Trauma Survivors?
CHAPTER TWO: NOT ALL FORMS OF ADDICTION ARE CREATED EQUAL: WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT SEX ADDICTION
Basics of First-Year Sex Addiction Recovery
Your Self-Care in Early Discovery
CHAPTER THREE: FIRST THINGS FIRST: HOW TO RECOGNIZE A GOOD BOUNDARY WHEN YOU SEE ONE
Boundaries Are Everywhere
Common Misconceptions and Myths about Boundaries
The Five Boundaries
Boundaries at the Extremes
What Are Boundary Violations?
Non-negotiable Relationship Boundaries
What Good Boundaries Can Do for You
Common Boundaries Set by Partners of Sex Addicts
CHAPTER FOUR: BOUNDARY SOLUTION STEP 1: KNOWING AND OWNING YOUR REALITY
Why You’ve Struggled to Know Your Reality
How Deception Creates Trauma and Distorts Your Reality
How to Identify Your Reality in Three Steps
What About Intuition?
Reality Checking
EXERCISE: Boundary Solution Step 1
CHAPTER FIVE: BOUNDARY SOLUTION STEP 2: GETTING YOUR NEEDS MET
Knowing Your Needs
The “Honesty Problem” in Early Recovery from Sex Addiction
Tolerating the Intolerable
A Partner’s Bill of Rights
Creating a Vision of Needs Fulfilled
EXERCISE: Boundary Solution Step 2
CHAPTER SIX: BOUNDARY SOLUTION STEP 3: IDENTIFYING YOUR POWER CENTER
