can discover (and remember) how to use this information to maintain better emotional balance. Whether I’m shaming others or feeling shame, I remember what I’ve learned, and change my feelings by thinking positively.
I’m in recovery, and don’t need to feel shame for who I am. My pain recovery program teaches me that I can live differently today; that I no longer have to do things I later feel shame over; that I can make positive choices today that make me feel good inside.
PURPOSE IN LIFE
SPIRITUAL BALANCE
“Life without a purpose is a languid, drifting thing; every day we ought to review our purpose, saying to ourselves, ‘This day let me make a sound beginning, for what we have hitherto done is naught!’”
Thomas à Kempis
Before my chronic pain struck, I felt like I had some purpose in my life. My family, work, school, sports, activities, etc., all gave meaning to my life. However, in my pain, my purpose became just getting through another day or moment.
My purpose seemed to become an effort to get everyone around me to understand just what I was feeling, even if I had to lash out and get others to actually feel pain along with me.
The physical pain spiraled into the mental, the mental into the emotional, and ultimately, a crisis of faith and spiritual connection ensued. But in pain recovery, I have purpose again after all this time, and it is not just to get through another day with pain. Instead, my purpose is to live my recovery, share my experience, and help another find and fulfill his or her purpose.
The foundation and fabric of the Twelve Steps is service and carrying a message, helping another. Getting out of myself was really what I sought through the abuse of medication; I’ve found another way to do that by helping others.
I have a purpose in life—staying in pain recovery and helping others. Everything else is built upon that.
CARING
RELATIONSHIPS
“. . . the essence of nursing is to help a patient, whether ill or well, live as independently as possible by helping him perform the daily activities he would otherwise perform if he had the necessary strength and ability.”
Of Character: Building Assets in Recovery
It’s natural and instinctive for some people to take care of themselves—not me. As a result of active addiction, I lost the ability to care for myself in healthy, loving, humane ways. I lost the instinct to provide for my needs. Things as simple as eating, grooming, resting, and recreation—normal human experiences—became secondary to fixing my chronic pain with the abuse of pain medication.
As a result of recovery, I make an effort to care for myself, making conscious, concerted efforts to do things for myself. Part of self-care is being disciplined with the care I provide, going out of my way to make sure to monitor that I’m caring for myself, until doing so becomes second nature again. Eventually the brain will rewire, and doing things for myself will once again become habitual. Until that time, my physical health is too important for me to ignore the discipline of caring for myself.
I provide myself with the care my body deserves, until my body can care for itself, so that I can do the right things for myself as a matter of course.
LOSS OF FUNCTION/REGAINING FUNCTION
PHYSICAL BALANCE
“’Tis a lesson you should heed, Try, try again. If at first you don’t succeed, Try, try again.”
T. H. Palmer
Every day I’m in recovery I strengthen my ability to live with my pain, and as a result, I strengthen my ability to function. Whereas in the beginning of my recovery there were things I could not even dream of doing, today I can do some of those things with ease. For example, it used to be next to impossible for me to complete doing the laundry. As I progressed in recovery, I was able to get it started but not able to finish it in the same day. Today I can work on starting and finishing this simple-but-somehow-difficult household task, and when I master it, I can add others. I can work on increasing my own functioning. Maybe today will be the day I go for a walk with some of my work colleagues at lunchtime, rather than staying in my office because I think I’m in too much pain to go for that walk. Even if I don’t succeed in regaining complete functioning today, I will know I tried.
I will choose something to do today that is outside my level of comfort, something I could not do in active addiction, and seek to complete that task. Through actions like this, I work on increasing my function, bit by bit.
CONCERN
MENTAL BALANCE
“If you believe that feeling bad or worrying long enough will change a past or future event, then you are residing on another planet with a different reality system.”
William James
Concern can be a form of fear or worry—we say things like “I’m concerned about your grades,” or “I’m concerned about traveling so late at night,” meaning we have fears or negative feelings about these things. But concern can be positive, too. I have concern for the feelings or well-being of others today.
