is during these difficult times that I ask my higher power to give me the strength to do what needs be done for my recovery. I draw strength from my family or others in recovery who have walked the path before me; knowing that they can do it gives me the courage I need to do it, too.
I find the longer I am in recovery, the more I apply my program, the deeper I discover a wealth of courage I never knew I had. Recovery is simple, but not easy. My recovery fellowship, my sponsor, and my higher power all give me the courage I need to work my program every day.
FORGIVENESS
EMOTIONAL BALANCE
“To hold on to resentments or grudges without forgiveness hurts only the one who holds them.”
Recovery A to Z: A Handbook of Twelve-Step Key Terms and Phrases
Sometimes it’s hard to accept my chronic pain. Sometimes I actually blame myself for my pain; I need to forgive myself for feeling the pain I sometimes feel.
It’s as if, in my dreams, I envisioned having a child who would play ball, run, and climb, but instead I have one who cannot do such things. Would I judge such a child harshly for what he or she couldn’t do, or would I celebrate and praise him or her for the things that he or she could accomplish? Part of physical forgiveness is finding, creating, and maintaining habits that are within the bounds of what my body can do, and doing those things as a way to show forgiveness toward myself. If the things I can do today are not the things I was able to do in the past, so be it. I forgive myself for my disabilities today, and celebrate my abilities with gratitude.
I love myself enough today, the way I would a small child. I forgive my broken body and ask it to forgive me for all the times I haven’t taken care of it as well as I could have. Today, I do what I can, and I am grateful. I take care of my body today, as I would a small child.
GRIEF
PHYSICAL BALANCE
“The cure for grief is motion.”
Elbert Hubbard
Grief can happen weeks, months, even years after I experience a loss. It can even come, seemingly, when I am in the middle of doing everything I need to be doing for my recovery. It may come out of nowhere and strike so suddenly that I don’t have time to put up a defense against it. I can stand still and wonder what happened, getting lost in the feeling, or I can keep walking forward, literally as well as figuratively, making myself move, exercise, and walk, putting one foot in front of the other, in my program of recovery and in my physical life as well. I do this and trust that over time, through action, therapy, sponsorship, meeting attendance, and writing/working steps, as well as through prayer and meditation, the feelings of grief will be lifted, as long as I continue to work my program of recovery.
I handle my feelings of grief today, even when I’m not sure of their cause, by focusing on the four points of balance. I don’t let my feelings of grief affect my physical balance—I do what needs to be done so I can reveal, discover, and heal.
SERENITY
PHYSICAL BALANCE
“Maintaining balance in your physical life entails continuous monitoring, but not judgment, about your state of nutrition, energy, exercise patterns, and ingestion of toxins. Maintaining physical balance involves monitoring your body as well as emotions associated with your body.”
Adapted from Pain Recovery: How to Find Balance and Reduce Suffering from Chronic Pain
Serenity is directly connected to my physical body and my habits. I make a habit of taking care of my body by doing yoga, stretching, going for a walk, or exercising in ways that work for me, based on the help and counsel of my physical therapist or a doctor who is familiar with my physical condition. If I’m not feeling particularly serene in pain recovery, chances are I’m neglecting some of my healthy physical habits—I’m not taking care of myself. When this happens, my serenity is usually the first thing to go, followed quickly by my temper. But I can retrieve my serenity through working my program and reinforcing my healthy habits.
My level of serenity is directly connected to the physical habits I maintain today. Serenity itself is a healthy habit that requires I maintain my spiritual fitness.
CONTROL
EMOTIONAL BALANCE
“Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.”
Thomas à Kempis
Think of a handful of sand—the harder I try to hold on to it, and the more I squeeze, the faster the grains run through my fingers. Trying to exert control over people and events in my life is like trying to hold onto a handful of sand; the more I squeeze, the less I end up with.
I have control over what I say and do; pretty much everything else in the world is out of my control. I may influence people with words and actions, but I don’t have control over them.
I can make plans, but I can’t control the results. I do “the footwork” and leave the results up to my higher power. The knowledge that I am not in control is actually a great relief. When I stop believing I control the outcomes of my efforts, and just try to do the next right thing, my emotional state becomes more relaxed. Knowing I’m responsible only for my actions, and not for the results of my actions, is a source of emotional balance in my recovery.
It is important to be loving and good to myself by taking an honest look at what I have control over and surrendering what I don’t.
LACK OF TRUST
SPIRITUAL BALANCE
“You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough.”
Frank Crane
Trust is an experience. It may be the experience of sharing intimate details of my life with another. It may be the experience of keeping another’s confidence after they have shared with me.
Trust is built by taking right actions, repeatedly, sometimes even when I don’t quite see how doing so will help me with either my pain or my addiction. However, I see others in recovery taking these same actions and recovering; so I trust that these actions will work for me.
When I lack trust, taking right action seems almost impossible. I ask my higher power to help me trust that I can recover, that I can
