active addiction, I could tolerate nothing without abusing pain medication. Before I knew it, I had turned a useful tool (medication) into a tool of destruction, because I believed I needed it to cope with my life and my pain. Then I entered recovery, and as my head cleared, I realized that in the process of trying to fix my chronic pain I had broken my ability to handle life on life’s terms.
One indispensible ingredient of a life of peace and harmony is an acceptance, or a tolerance for, all the feelings I experience on any given day. I embrace multiple feelings, and am able to do this through an increased spiritual connection with a power greater than myself. Left to my own devices I cannot tolerate anything, but with the help of a loving higher power I can tolerate all that life has to offer.
I build my tolerance for all my feelings by continually focusing on my relationship with a higher power. I set myself expectations that I am able to reach. I do not set myself up for failure. Instead, I try to set myself up for success. Having faith that my pain is tolerable for the day allows me to focus on my recovery.
HONESTY
RELATIONSHIPS
A lie is really just a timesaving device, and if it makes me look better than the truth would, so much the better. If it gets me whatever I want and helps me avoid some unpleasant reality, that’s best of all. At least that’s what I used to think.
The Soul Workout: Getting and Staying Spiritually Fit
There are lies of commission, and lies of omission. When I don’t tell you how much I need your help, that’s a lie of omission. That’s dishonest.
Today I am honest about my needs, my limitations, my expectations, and my capabilities. I do what I can do today, to the best of my ability, but I ask for help when a task is beyond me. When I was in active addiction, instead of allowing others to help me, I would take on tasks even though I knew they would overwhelm me, because I did not want to appear weak.
I am learning that to ask for help is not a sign of weakness. In the process of being honest in my relationships, I open up to the possibility of getting help from others. I give others the opportunity to be of service. I focus on being honest about my physical limitations, knowing today that they do not make me weak. Not being honest about them does.
I am honest with someone today about my physical pain, what I may need help with, and how I’m feeling. In doing so, I give those around me the power and the choice to help me or not, but I let go of the results and focus only on being honest.
COMPASSION
PHYSICAL BALANCE
“I would rather feel compassion than know the meaning of it.”
Thomas Aquinas
It is important to remember that many with chronic pain have an altered body image. I’m no different. But I don’t limit myself with the label “disabled.” My focus is no longer on my chronic pain and what I can’t do, but on having compassion for others and for myself. Compassion allows me to focus on what I can do, for others and for myself. And the more compassion I feel, the more I live in the light of recovery, instead of in the darkness and depression of my disease.
I have compassion for my body and focus on what I can do, rather than focusing on my chronic pain and what I can’t do. I remember that I have made huge strides and continue to work on increasing my abilities. I have compassion and love for my body today.
KINDNESS
MENTAL BALANCE
“Kindness is in our power, even when fondness is not.”
Samuel Johnson
I gently turn my thoughts to acceptance of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual limitations, not only in others, but in myself as well. Lack of loving kindness, whether toward others or myself, aggravates my chronic pain. When I’m in pain—be it chronic, acute, or emotional—I channel my thoughts toward asking, without judgment, “Was the pain avoidable?” If I’m responsible, I think about what part, if any, I had in the flare-up or onset of pain. I do this with the intention of using my mind as a tool to show myself kindness by finding and exploring alternative ways to avoid inflicting pain on myself or others in the future.
I am kind to myself and others, and do not allow negative thoughts about myself to slow my growth in recovery. I treat myself with kindness by directing my thoughts to the solution, giving myself permission to live life to the fullest.
PRAYER
EMOTIONAL BALANCE
“Prayer does not change God, but it changes him who prays.”
Søren Kierkegaard
I needed a change in my life when I entered pain recovery. Prayer has been one of the greatest tools for providing that change, and it’s one that my program of pain recovery has provided me. When I am emotionally unbalanced, stuck in running “what if” scenarios repeatedly in my head, or thinking the worst about my current situation, I must remember that my higher power is as close as a prayer. I ask my higher power to direct my attention to His will for me, and away from my painful, destructive, or negative thoughts. I am no use to myself or to my fellows if I am emotionally unbalanced. Fortunately, prayer can help me regain the emotional balance I need for my recovery.
When I find I’m thinking about the future, running scenarios about “what if” something happens, I replace those thoughts with a repeated, internal prayer to ask my higher power for help. I seek out this power to keep me safe in the moment, as I attempt to feel the emotions I used to try to avoid in the here and now by thinking about the future.
COMMITMENT
SPIRITUAL BALANCE
“Being committed requires the consistency and fortitude to do what is required even when we are tired or don’t feel we can.”
Of Character: Building Assets in Recovery
The hidden agenda of every addict is to use. With that in mind, spirituality requires eternal vigilance. Even when I’m doing my best, or during the best of times, I have a thought process that is constantly calculating ways I can find something outside myself to “fix me” quickly. I seek out instant gratification. I fantasize about easier, softer (but ultimately more painful) ways and means of being in the world and dealing with my chronic pain. I must make a commitment to my pain recovery on a regular, sometimes moment-by-moment basis. I must constantly monitor all of the points of balance in my life
