{ JANUARY }
NEW BEGINNINGS
THE FOUR POINTS OF BALANCE
“It is better to spend one day contemplating the birth and death of all things than a hundred years never contemplating beginnings and endings.”
Siddhartha Gautama, the Buddha
Today is a new beginning for me, and I want to take a moment to contemplate what that means.
The four points of balance are physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual—and today I am learning new tools and techniques to help me with each one of these elements of my life and my recovery. As I begin this book of meditations for pain recovery, I’m aware that I don’t expect to become pain-free—my expectations are that if I apply the tools of my program of recovery to each of the points of balance, my life can be restored to a manageable state of sanity, provided I do the work. With the help of my higher power, may this new beginning be an auspicious one.
I’m addressing my thoughts, feelings, spirituality, relationships, and behaviors in a new way today; without abusing pain medications, I am changing my relationship with myself and my physical pain.
AMENDS
PHYSICAL BALANCE
“Making amends in recovery is not simply saying, ‘I’m sorry.’”
Tails of Recovery: Addicts and the Pets That Love Them
In the past, I harmed my body through my dependence on pain medication, so today I make a living amend to my body by treating my pain in healthy ways—by moving and exercising instead of self-medicating and wanting to be catered to or babied.
In active addiction, I neglected my body by abusing medication rather than turning to physical activity. Today I live my amends to my body, mind, and spirit even on the many days when I do not feel like making myself exercise, move, or even get out of bed. Sometimes it seems downright mean to my body to force it to move because of the physical pain I am experiencing, but I remember the alternative of being addicted to pain medication. Today I know that pain recovery requires me to keep moving.
I make amends to myself by continuing my physical routine. I know that even when it does not feel like it, it is the most loving thing to do.
MOVEMENT
MENTAL BALANCE
“It has been shown that when the minds of people in pain were distracted by something that required intense concentration, their brain’s pain centers demonstrated decreased activity.”
A Day without Pain
I can’t sit around and say I’ll do something once I’m feeling better, because sitting around waiting to feel better is self-defeating. Actually doing something is what helps me feel better…it’s a case of “bring the body and the mind follows.”
When my mind and body are in activity, in movement, in the solution, I’m able to bring my spirit into balance with them. Through movement, my mind is better able to focus on that which is the real solution to most of my problems: a loving, caring, connected relationship with my higher self and higher power. Through this connection, I help my mind slow down, and the mind slowing helps my body slow down, thus decreasing my pain. The cycle is continuous, always affecting the next thing, a flow, so to speak, or a spiral that is either going up into the light or down into the darkness. I move along this spiral; I dance along the balance of mind-body-spirit, affecting one, affecting all.
When I’m feeling stuck, I unstick myself by moving—first, by moving my body, which moves my mind, and thereby moves my spirit. My spirit in balance can then better hold my body in love rather than my body holding my spirit in pain.
COURAGE
EMOTIONAL BALANCE
“In recovery, we begin to know courage by watching and respecting others who tell us they are afraid and then find the spiritual and emotional resources to walk through their fear to do the right thing.”
Of Character: Building Assets in Recovery
Walking through pain, fear, shame, guilt, loneliness, and anger without heading down a path of destruction is the goal in recovery. These are all feelings that, in moderation, are necessary and vital to the human experience. The problem with addiction is the extreme to which I feel these feelings. The problem with chronic pain is the lack of tolerance I have for any other feelings beyond the physical pain. When all my energy and resources are being dedicated to that single source of one kind of pain, it feels impossible to deal with anything else, and if I let it, a small thing may become the proverbial straw that breaks the camel’s back. It takes a special kind of courage to live free from active addiction. It takes a leap of what can seem like superhuman strength and courage to live free from addiction and with chronic pain. This courage may not start within, but that’s where it leads. The path to courage is paved with steps, sponsors, meetings, prayer, and meditation.
When I’m feeling discouraged, I act on courage; I go the extra distance, with an added result of developing more strength and a closer, deeper relationship with my higher power.
PEACE
SPIRITUAL BALANCE
“Music is the silence between the notes.”
Claude Debussy
If it’s true that the silence between the notes creates music, then perhaps the periods when I feel my pain create the periods of peace I also enjoy. All human beings deal with pain. The contrast between the high and the low—pain and no pain or less pain—is what helps me appreciate the music of my life. It’s easy to just focus on the pain, but I must remember to focus on the peace in between the pain.
Pain lets me know I am alive. At times I may not be prepared to feel my pain, but I know its existence serves a necessary purpose. My automatic reactions and my emotional state affect how I feel my pain. If I can change my reactions and learn to identify and accept my emotions, pain will continue to serve its proper purpose.
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