family had no history of addiction, and yet I had become dependent on my medication to manage a “legitimate” chronic pain condition. I was appalled to consider that I was addicted—surely I was nothing like the stereotypical addict in movies or on television! Was I?
Yes! That was certainly not an easy thing to accept. And yet, when I did come to realize and accept that my dependence was just like that of any other addict, I learned to grow spiritually. When I see the similarities between myself and others in recovery, my spirituality can flourish. It’s not always easy to look at the truth about myself, but any life in recovery is much easier than a life in active addiction.
I seek identification with the recovery process and don’t waste energy trying to find ways that the principles of recovery don’t apply to me. Doing that only keeps me in the self-imposed prison of addiction and pain. Today, I take comfort in the fact that I am not unique in recovery.
GETTING INTO THE SOLUTION, POSITIVE ACTION
RELATIONSHIPS
“My recovery is solution-based, and I apply principles of the Twelve Steps in the context of chronic pain in all of my relationships. My goal is to stop feeling like a victim of my pain and instead to live in acceptance and hope, have a positive attitude, and take positive action with regard to others. I have taken a huge step in healing my relationships and continue to do so daily by remembering my powerlessness over chronic pain.”
Adapted from Pain Recovery: How to Find Balance and Reduce Suffering from Chronic Pain
Positive action allows me to open up on new levels, receiving the life-changing gifts of recovery. I give back to others what I have been given so freely. It takes willingness and effort, but my recovery is worth it to me.
Recovery and living in the solution is an ongoing process that requires looking honestly at myself, continuing to be open-minded to new solutions and new tools as I face new challenges in my life without abusing pain medication.
ATTITUDE
PHYSICAL BALANCE
Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.
William James
My attitude can and does affect my physical health, well-being, and life balance. I discovered this from the very beginning of recovery, when I was first trying to live without the use of addictive medications to help me through my day. I realized that my pain and the way it affected the other areas of my own health were often the result of the attitude that I had about life and my pain. By shifting my attitude I have the ability to actually improve my own health.
When I am not feeling well, whether as a result of my pain or simply because of a cold or flu, I have the ability to make things better or worse for myself based on my attitude. If I happen to be sick on a given day and cannot or should not go to work, I can either be depressed and obsess about this feeling too much—just like my old behavior—or I can use the time to get caught up on reading something that will inspire me in my recovery.
My attitude affects my health and physical balance. I remember that a positive attitude results in my feeling and being healthier.
LOVE
MENTAL BALANCE
“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
Siddhartha Gautama, the Buddha
Love has many faces: love of family, love of a partner, love of country, love of life. And all of these can start with a healthy love of self. Loving myself means treating myself differently today; I do what I need to stay healthy and strong—that’s self-love, and it is the foundation of all other loves in my life.
Love is one of the highest vibrations of energy I can use, a healing energy that has the power to do what no medication, no other behavior, person, place, or thing ever could. By shifting my mind-state into a state of love, I can change the way I feel, think, and act in life, thus changing the response of those around me, my relation to them, and my effect on them and them on me. I can think of myself and of others with love, and love is what I get in return.
I love being alive and in my body, I love my higher power, and that power loves me. With love at the forefront of my mind, I can use that energy to be in this body, be present-centered, and let go of past hurts, wrongs, and pain.
RESPONSIBILITY
EMOTIONAL BALANCE
“Learning they are not responsible for their disease, but that they must be responsible for learning how to live life without drugs, is, without question, a big challenge for most addicts to face in recovery.”
Tails of Recovery: Addicts and the Pets That Love Them
My addiction to pain medication caused my life to spiral out of control emotionally. I was taking more than was prescribed because the medication seemed to have stopped working. I began taking more and more to cover up the emotional pain that came as a result of the medication not managing my chronic pain. I was constantly lying to myself and others about how much medication I was taking. I was ashamed of myself.
Eventually I hit bottom and had to take responsibility, not only for how much I was using and abusing, but for why I was using and abusing. It was not necessarily because of the physical chronic pain anymore. Using had become my way to handle life on its terms as a result of having pain. It was a natural progression that happens to many people. Taking responsibility means not making excuses anymore. Taking responsibility means accepting all the feelings— good and bad—that are attached to what happened to me.
Taking responsibility means my life is different today. I am clean and in recovery. I do not judge myself by what I did in my addiction; instead I take responsibility for my actions and continue to work on my recovery.
SERVICE
SPIRITUAL BALANCE
“It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
One of the keys to twelve-step recovery, regardless of the manifestation of addiction, is service. Ultimately, all of the steps lead to the inevitable end of carrying the message of recovery to another person who is still suffering. I do not need to wait until I have formally worked a Twelfth Step with a sponsor in order to
