by praying and meditating. This is sometimes easier said than done. Perhaps when my prayers seem ineffective it’s because I’m not doing the things I should in order to pray with the right spirit. This doesn’t mean I have to “get good” first, and then seek contact with my higher power. But I must be in a place of love and tolerance of others for my prayers to be most effective.
I don’t approach my higher power asking for love and help if I haven’t shown the same to others in my life. Today I know that prayer offered from a place of love and tolerance in my heart is many times more effective than prayers offered from a place of anger, selfishness, or fear.
I pray for help with my recovery and for help in living with my pain. I strive to treat others with love and respect, so my prayers can rise from love, to love, with love.
KINDNESS
RELATIONSHIPS
“Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profundity. Kindness in giving creates love.”
Lao-Tzu
My pain has always had an impact on the lives of others, disrupting my life and the lives of those around me. In pain recovery I’m aware of that potential for disruption, and take responsibility for my pain. I get out of myself by acknowledging the impact of my pain upon others. I make a habit of showing kindness to others by striving to reduce the impact my pain has on them.
The quality of my relationships with others is important to me. I want them to be full of loving kindness, so that they will be characterized by confidence, profundity (depth), and love. Therefore I strive to make my words and actions kind, loving, and deep, knowing that the quality of my interactions with others depends on the way I treat them. If I’m not kind to others I will be alone with my addiction and my pain. I appreciate those who share my life with me and look for ways to help them.
I work to lessen the impact my pain has on others. I reduce my outward expressions of pain and help others by showing my appreciation for having them in my life.
FORGIVENESS
PHYSICAL BALANCE
“Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”
Mark Twain
The quality of my forgiveness has a direct impact on my physical balance. It is not just my forgiveness of others, but also my forgiveness of myself. The more I hold onto resentment, anger, or fear, the more it affects my own physical pain. My body holds onto things, often when I’m not even conscious of doing so. For this reason it’s important to work the Twelve Steps to uncover, discover, and recover those areas of my life that cause my pain, grief, anger, and resentment toward myself and others. Forgiveness is a process and not an event. It’s not a destination at which I arrive and all is well and forgotten. In reality, I may never forget, and in fact, remembering can and does drive me to work harder, to continue to work on my recovery. Remembering what has happened gives me wisdom. Forgiving brings me relief from my physical and emotional pain.
I understand and have forgiveness for myself and others, knowing that my level of forgiveness is related to the ability and fortitude with which I work my program of recovery; and that affects my health and level of pain.
HONESTY
MENTAL BALANCE
“Honesty is the first chapter of the book of wisdom.”
Thomas Jefferson
Honesty means more than simply telling the truth when prompted. Honesty means the acknowledgment of my chronic pain, addiction, and character defects. Honesty was perhaps the first spiritual principle I practiced when I admitted that maybe I had a problem with addiction. I practiced honesty when I looked at the unmanageability that abusing medication and acting on negative behaviors caused in my life and the lives of those I loved. Honesty is continuously required of me in my twelve-step work— otherwise the steps do not work.
Honesty, and my perception of its meaning, continues to evolve as I grow in pain recovery. The truth sets me free of my pain. In chronic pain and active addiction, those around me expected me to lie about how I was feeling to get what I needed. In recovery, those around me expect me to be honest about how I’m feeling and what I’m doing to get what I need.
I view honesty as a way to keep my mind, body, and spirit clear and free. I no longer view honesty as a duty, but an opportunity for growth. I welcome the expectation of honesty from those who support me in pain recovery.
COMMITMENT
EMOTIONAL BALANCE
“Help me appreciate the rewards in my life that flow from my commitments.”
Of Character: Building Assets in Recovery
There are days when my physical pain is small compared to the emotional pain I experience when I contemplate that I might feel physical pain for the rest of my life. Some days it seems the tears will not stop, but only because I am caught in the trap of believing that what I’m experiencing now is what I’ll experience forever… and forever seems like an unbearably long time.
Thinking this way keeps me mired in self-pity, which is simply another manifestation of the selfishness I’ve learned is the root of my problem. But how to get out of this self-pitying trap when my physical and emotional pain seem to stretch in every direction I can see? There is one way that never fails: helping or working with others. I make a commitment to helping another person or group. I agree to be a greeter at my home group or to read recovery literature with a newcomer, and I keep my commitment. Soon my “pity party” is over and I don’t even realize how it happened. Commitment is the key to service.
Sometimes it’s hard to think about a future without pain; thinking about the future at all seems to bring thoughts that are hard to shake. The solution I’ve found is to focus on helping another person today, and I remain committed to my program of recovery.
COURAGE
SPIRITUAL BALANCE
“Courage conquers all things; it even gives strength to the body.”
Roman proverb
Recovery takes courage. Disagreeing with my doctor and saying, “No, I don’t want any more pain medicine,” or telling my still-using friends I no longer want to hang out with them and get loaded takes courage. All of these things require tremendous courage on the part of a person in recovery.
