In particular, I specialize in how children learn to handle distressing thoughts and feelings. I have run workshops and lectured to both parents and professionals on the development of emotional intelligence in children, helping children manage emotions, and emotionally intelligent parenting. Through my work as a clinical psychologist, I have come to believe that one of the most important things parents can teach their children is how to manage their emotions effectively. Within the psychological community, research has proven that one of the reasons some children overeat or develop eating disorders is because that is the only way they know to handle their emotions. Dr. Danowski’s book provides readers with solid, concrete methods to address these emotional-eating issues.
As someone who has fought her own battle with food and who, through hard work, courage, and determination, has learned to change her relationship to food, Dr. Danowski is in a good position to understand the feelings of helplessness, loss of self-respect, and depression that people who struggle with food so often feel. In this book, she draws upon her own experiences as well as on research by others to discuss common reasons for overeating and what parents can do to help their kids.
She points out that healthy eating in children starts with parents and their own relationship to food. Although this is a book about children’s eating habits, it is a book that speaks eloquently to parents and encourages them to examine their (often unconscious) beliefs about food and its role in their own lives. In fact, parents reading this book will find that they learn as much about themselves as about their children. As with so much in parenting, the reality is that parents can’t be effective teachers and role models for their kids until they have examined the same issues in themselves.
In addition to providing sensible suggestions for changing patterns around food (including advice on food shopping, preparation, and presentation), Dr. Danowski discusses the psychological issues that often underlie eating. She points out what research has demonstrated, which is that disordered eating often stems from trouble with emotion management. Many people who eat excessively or who have eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia do not know how to identify or handle their feelings, particularly negative ones. They wind up turning to food to soothe and nurture themselves, sometimes at great expense to their physical health. Dr. Danowski provides important suggestions for helping kids identify and express the feelings that often lead to overeating.
This book provides an important way for parents to change their own and their children’s relationship to food. The message is that food should be a way of nourishing the body, rather than a way of masking feelings or soothing oneself emotionally. As Dr. Danowski emphasizes, there are other positive ways to take care of one’s emotional self. Parents reading this book will find not only that they are better educated about the role of food in children’s lives but that they are in a better position to help children develop a healthy relationship to food.
Amy Van Buren, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Associate Professor of Psychology
Sacred Heart University, Fairfield, CT
WRITING A BOOK IS A TEAM EFFORT and this one is no exception. While it’s impossible to acknowledge everyone who contributed to the making of this book, I’d like to mention several people who were especially instrumental in its publication. These include: my agent, Linda Konner, whose belief in my work has blessed my life immeasurably; my editor Helen O’Reilly, whose suggestions have made this a better book; the people at Central Recovery Press who worked hard to make this a reality; my writers group, who helped shape the initial proposal, Jessica Bram, Joanne Kabak, Jane Pollak and Lucy Hedrick; my colleagues at SHU and most especially those in my department, Jim Castonguay, Greg Golda, Lori Bindig, Sally Ross, Sid Gottlieb, Andrew Miller, and Suzanne Golub, who held things together for me during many challenging times.
My sister Karen and my niece Melissa; we have been through some difficult times together and are stronger and closer for it. My brother Mike and his wife Denise who have always been there when I needed them. My parents, who are no longer here. I hope you have found peace and happiness. My friends, Kelley Babbin, Matt Klebe, Susanna Madden, Beverly Robillard, Adria Perlman, Alex Minutillo, Ann Sieckhaus, Cinde and Wayne Soldan, who keep my head on straight when things get tough.
My farm friends—you have given my life a deeper meaning. Led by H.O.R.S.E. of Connecticut president Patty Wahlers, you have all changed my life: Mary Nelson, Ann Lynch, Anita Rusnak, Suzie Cosban, Dawn Hill, Ashley Nelson, Emily Slosson, John Livezey, Grace, Erin, John, Sena, Keith, Laura, Liz, Bob, Chris, Margot, Mary-beth, Olivia, Maddy, Val, Mike, John, and everyone one else who helps the horses. For Caramel who touched my heart in a special way, and all of the horses who have passed through the gates during my time there. Here’s hoping for another 650 lives saved.
To my own animals who have brought so much joy into my life. Tiger Lily, my first pet, who knows when I need her. Tux, my beautiful boy, who is a survivor. Cooper, the one I couldn’t let go home with anyone else but me, and sweet Butterscotch, who has taught me to be a better person.
And finally, to God, for the amazing life He has given me. I am so very grateful.
THEY NEVER LET HER DO ANYTHING FUN. Even though she was almost ten years old, Fiona’s parents didn’t allow her any freedom. Most of her friends were able to at least walk around the block in groups. Fiona’s parents, however, refused to discuss the possibility until she was a teenager. It had been like this her whole life. Fiona’s father had been a wild teenager, even serving jail time in his late teens. And though he had never been in trouble since, Fiona’s father made sure that his daughter had little opportunity to repeat his mistakes.
“Fiona, it’s time for dinner. Hurry up!” She could hear her mother’s voice even though the music on her iPod was loud. Turning toward the window, Fiona could see her friends laughing and walking across the street. If it weren’t for her stupid parents, then she would be there, too. Her friends were probably talking about what a baby she was, for not being allowed to take a simple walk around the block.
Grabbing her math book, Fiona flung it as hard as she could against the wall. Within seconds, Fiona’s mother was at the door, banging.
“Fiona! Fiona! Are you all right? What was that crash?” As usual, her mother opened the door without waiting to be invited in.
“Nothing,” Fiona glared at her mother.
She watched as her mother’s eyes scanned the room. Fortunately, the book hadn’t left a mark where it had hit the wall.
“Oh, well, okay. Come on then. Your dinner is getting cold. I made your favorite fried chicken and french fries.” Fiona’s mother smiled broadly then gently guided her in the direction of the kitchen.
Fiona knew that no one would yell at her for eating too much tonight; her parents always felt guilty whenever they refused to let her do something she wanted, and letting her eat whatever she wanted without comment was their way of making it up to her. Fiona was even planning on asking for a second helping of dessert. After that, she would sneak out of her bedroom while her parents were watching television and grab two snack-size bags of potato chips,
