good about, we create a deeper and more lasting sense of well-being, inner peace, and happiness. Whenever we reflect on that situation, we have a sense of worth, value, and integrity.
It is actually a simple, straightforward, and measurable truth: When our actions are in alignment with our values and beneficial to ourselves and others, we feel better. As true and as simple as this is, it is extremely challenging to accomplish.
It is my hope this book will provide the tools and resources needed to reduce, if not eliminate, harmful mental afflictions and cultivate a deep sense of inner peace, well-being, and genuine happiness by living a life based in truth, aligned with your values, and beneficial to others. The way to achieve this is to learn to live mindfully.
These days, mindfulness has become popular in the mainstream, giving rise to a variety of evidence-based methods for reducing stress and improving quality of life. Simple mindfulness practices can help us become more present in the current moments of our lives, which reduces mental rumination on past events and worry about possible future ones.
Through these techniques, we discover most of the worries, fears, and concerns that dominate our lives are not actually present in the current moment. They exist only in our mind, and our untrained mind is constantly producing thoughts that take our attention away from what is happening now. Understanding this and being able to develop the skills to bring us back to the present moment allow us to find more calm and balance in our everyday lives.
However, this is not enough to truly transform our lives. Mindfulness is much more than present-moment awareness. It includes and facilitates the cultivation of concentration, wisdom, and the ability to make healthy choices that lead to genuine happiness and a meaningful life. Mindfulness is not an isolated skill; it is a practice embedded in a rich context of teachings and trainings focused on freeing us from suffering. The essence of this practice is encompassed by four areas: attention, values, wisdom, and open-heartedness.
1. Attention. We begin developing our attention by establishing a daily meditation practice. In this way we start training the mind to be present and attend to what we choose, instead of having it constantly drag us around. In order to live a meaningful life we need to be present in our life.
2. Values. Values are a critical component of mindfulness but, unfortunately, this is left out of many current mindfulness teachings. The source of finding inner peace, genuine happiness, and well-being is living a life that is in alignment with one’s values and is of benefit to oneself, others, and the greater good.
3. Wisdom. As we begin to increase our attention through meditation, we are more able to consciously bring awareness into our daily activities. We can start observing ourselves, others, and the world—more accurately recognizing unhealthy habits, tendencies, biases, projections, and emotional triggers in our lives. With this level of awareness, we realize the impermanent nature of emotions, thoughts, events, and identify the true sources of our suffering, as well as the true sources of our happiness and well-being.
4. Open-Heartedness. By cultivating the four immeasurable attitudes of equanimity, loving-kindness, compassion, and empathetic joy we consciously water the flowers instead of the weeds in our thoughts and actions. When we cultivate equanimity, loving-kindness, compassion, and empathetic joy in our hearts and minds, we grow the antidotes to attachment and aversion, hatred, ill will, and jealousy.
This book will provide you with a comprehensive approach to living mindfully so that you can live your life consciously, with attention and intention, cultivate genuine happiness, and create a meaningful life. It is a culmination of the wisdom of many teachers I’ve had the great benefit of learning from and training with over the last thirty years. These lessons have empowered me to live mindfully, transforming my life, and giving me the honor of helping others transform theirs.
I was once a young man filled with fear, insecurity, shame, and hopelessness. My early life was filled with anger, violence, and substance abuse. Even though, in my heart, I always wanted to be a good person, I wound up hurting everyone close to me. My best efforts led me to homelessness and having the mother of my daughter take her away from me because I was not a fit parent.
Fortunately, in the midst of great suffering I had a moment of clarity that changed my life. It was an undeniable realization and reached me at the very core of my being. Not simply an understanding or revelation, but an irreversible, intrinsic knowing. Like all great truths, it was something I had learned many times before but never truly understood. Quite simply, it was that all of my suffering was not caused by others, my environment, or how I was raised. My suffering came from how I lived my life. There was no one to blame but me.
At the same time, I realized my happiness was also dependent on how I lived my life. This was much more than knowledge or intellectual understanding of a philosophical view; it was a direct realization of that truth. For the first time in a long while I experienced a rising sense of hope that I could change and be able to lead a meaningful life.
That was in August of 1984. From that moment on, I gave up alcohol and other drugs and began the journey to transform my life.
I started to participate in twelve-step programs, which taught me the value of helping others. Ultimately, it was in these programs that I learned one of the most valuable questions that would shape my journey: Instead of asking “How can I feel good?” I was taught to ask “How can I help?”
Until then, my life had been focused on me—I was the center of the universe. Whatever circumstances, choices, or opportunities presented themselves, my concern was how it would affect me. This new perspective allowed me to get out of myself and truly engage with others. I found whenever I asked how I could help, I was empowered to improve, not only the quality of the lives around me, but my own as well. Instead of focusing on my circumstances, I started focusing on my intentional activities.
From that point on, whatever work I did, I tried to be as helpful and beneficial as possible. I was far from perfect and still am. I made, and continue to make, mistakes. However, just as a lump of coal can become a diamond over time, with that attitude, my job delivering auto parts turned into a management position. The shy, insecure, and awkward young man who used to live under a bridge then became a substance abuse counselor working with adolescents and families, a teacher working in a low-income minority high school, a father and grandfather, and a Buddhist monk.
I have had the rare opportunity to live in many different social and economic environments. I’ve been homeless and owned a home; I’ve been a dishwasher, an auto mechanic, and a corporate manager; I have lived in communities riddled with drugs and violence and in spiritual communities grounded in love and kindness.
Throughout all of these experiences, I have had the good fortune of encountering wonderful teachers whose lives embody their teachings. I have learned that regardless of outer circumstances all human beings share similar problems.
And I have seen there are proven, time-tested solutions to our problems that can empower all of us to cultivate our highest potentials.
1 Sonja Lyubomirsky, Kennon M. Sheldon, and David Schkade, “Pursuing Happiness: The Architecture of Sustainable Change,” Review of General Psychology 9, No. 2 (2005):111–31, doi: 10.1037/1089-2680.9.2.111.
2 Sonja Lyubomirsky, Kennon M. Sheldon, and David Schkade, “Pursuing Happiness: The Architecture of Sustainable Change,” Review of General Psychology 9, No. 2 (2005):111–31, doi: 10.1037/1089-2680.9.2.111.
