Would you rather…
be overwhelmingly compelled to chase squirrels and mailmen like a dog
OR
have a tendency to casually crawl onto people’s laps to take naps like a cat?
Would you rather…
every time you’re in a car, have to hang your head out the window like a dog (including when you are driving)
OR
have to take dumps in a litter box?
Would you rather…
be mortally terrified of triangles
OR
of the number 4?
Things to consider: pizza slices, the dreaded isosceles, 4:44.
Would you rather…
only be able to communicate using movie quotes
OR
only be able to speak in Lolcat language?
Would you rather…
have all your dates chaperoned by WWE giant, The Big Show
OR
have to invite a pack of Mormon missionaries to every party you have?
Would you rather…
address all women as “Bee-yotch” for the rest of your life
OR
all men as “My Liege”?
Things to consider: business meetings, family dinners, being a contestant on a game show
Would you rather…
urinate out of your left nostril
OR
defecate only via a bio-prosthetic shoulder-mounted rocket launcher?
Things to consider: using urinals, sneezing, aiming for enemies
Would you rather…
have constantly sweaty (to the point of dripping) palms
OR
invariably emit a 10-second fart when hugged?
Would you rather…
have living bowel movements that are in the shape of fecal hamsters
OR
randomly puke up a dozen hermit crabs once a week?
Would you rather…
get a tattoo of an accurate ruler up your arm
OR
a tip percentage chart on the back of your hand?
Would you rather…
have all the steps in your house replaced with chutes and ladders
OR
have all your furniture made of adjustable Legos?
Would you rather…
fashion underwear out of crumb-filled potato chip bags
OR
wear socks full of centipedes?
Would you rather…
have broccoli hair
OR
croissant skin?
Things to consider: healthy snack hair cut, flaking
Would you rather…
lose your teeth every week like a Tiger Shark
OR
shed your skin once a week like a snake?
Would you rather…
have your skin made out of sticky Wacky Wall Walker material
OR
have your body made out of Nerf material?
Things to consider: constantly collecting dirt and lint, getting really heavy in the swimming pool
Would you rather…
have to “log-roll” anytime you are standing still to avoid falling over
OR
perpetually have involuntary movements as if you are swatting gnats out of your face?
Would you rather…
compulsively head-butt anything you see that’s purple
OR
compulsively make out with anything orange?
Things to consider: eggplant, pumpkins, grapes, carrots, Grimace, Oompa-Loompas
Would you rather…
be reincarnated as Paris Hilton’s toy poodle
OR
Britney Spears’ next baby?
Would you rather…
have a rare Tourette’s syndrome that causes you to always flip off police officers
OR
one where you uncontrollably moon nuns?
Would you rather…
every
