they would just look away. She found it interesting that on one hand we all say we yearn to connect on a human level, but then we avoid the connection that is right in front of us, that is right beside us on the bus or train, that is right in our neighborhood. We choose instead to give a quick wave and disappear into our house or to simply look away.
The Plaka and the Volta
Many villages in Greece are designed around a common plaka, or public square, where people routinely gather to meet and socialize instead of sitting alone in their homes. It is both a physical place as well as a symbolic place since it serves to remind everyone in the village that they are all one, that they are connected, and that they are part of something larger than themselves.
The Greek word for the evening stroll is “volta,” which has a dual purpose of reenergizing (hence, the English word “voltage”) and connecting with others. As our friend Nikos told us, “Greeks are happy because we go out after work and connect instead of going home and watching television.” Many an evening we witnessed old men walking together, children running free while a dozen women sitting on nearby benches watched, and young men pushing their toddlers in strollers, deep in conversation.
Always Time for Coffee
Another timeless tradition is visiting the kafenio (café), the heart of the village. Rarely do people carry coffee around in a cup—they sit and relax and enjoy the coffee instead. Greek men typically meet at the kafenio up to three times a day: in the early morning, late afternoon, and the evening. In small villages there may be only one kafenio, but in larger villages numerous kafenia spring up, even if they are only the front room of a house, with additional tables and chairs spilling onto the roadway. The tables are littered with small coffee cups, filled to the rim with brown foam. In between small sips, the villagers celebrate the highlights as well as release the stresses of the day.
Regulars, usually older men, make one kafenio in the village their “home away from home,” and they go to this same location every day to read newspapers, argue politics, play cards, and discuss their lives. Some Greeks, even in the large cities, such as Athens, may have five or six coffees throughout the day as they take time to connect with various people at different kafenia.
There’s always time for coffee but, as we all know, it’s not about the coffee, it’s about the conversation and bonding that takes place while enjoying the coffee. Some say the male bonding at the kafenio—as it is mostly men who partake in this Greek tradition—is a key factor in the longevity of its patrons as they take care of one another and have trust that there will always be someone there for them. Nothing creates the meaningful connection and knowledge of shared humanity like speaking with other people and seeing the expressions on their faces. Nothing is better than knowing that we are all still human after all!
Belonging
—ARISTOTLE
The word “political” comes from the Greek word “polis,” meaning “city” or “state.” Putting it in modern terms, when Aristotle said, “Man is a political animal,” he meant we are social animals or beings and we flourish best in groups or communities (villages). It is our nature to live in groups and it is our nature to want to belong. We are not at our best when we isolate ourselves. One of the causes of the increased incidence of depression throughout the world is the lack of belonging. Some say that as we age, the longing for connections with others deepens, but we disagree. Our research has shown us that the quest to connect and belong, the longing for the security and comfort provided by groups, is strong at all ages.
—NIKOS KAZANTZAKIS (author, Zorba the Greek)
We live in the global community but many people feel separate and alone. Connecting online may mean having eight hundred “friends” on Facebook, or being able to “tweet” thousands of “followers” via Twitter, yet we question whether these connections enable us to share who we authentically are or, importantly, the challenges we face in our lives. Are we just technically connected but not meaningfully connected?
The ancient Greek philosopher Thales suggested that we should “love thy neighbor,” but how can we love our neighbors when we don’t even know them? We know the names of celebrities but we don’t know the names of our neighbors. It takes effort to know our neighbors and for them to know us.
“We are all One,” espoused Heraclitus, but nowadays we often look and act separately from one another. We say we don’t feel part of a community because we aren’t. We are more mobile these days, leading nomadic lives, moving often, working long hours, commuting, and staying indoors watching television or distracted by the internet, downloading movies instead of going out. And in times of crisis, we tend to draw inward to try and isolate ourselves from outside forces, attempting to create a sense of security. But we found that even during times of financial and social crisis in Greece, there is still a strong need to reach out and connect meaningfully with others, to strengthen the sense of belonging.
Do You Know Aunt Toula?
In many Greek villages and even towns, there are no numbers on the houses because everyone knows where everyone else lives. When arriving in the village, you simply describe who you are looking for and a kind villager will either provide directions to where you must go or stop whatever he or she is doing and take you there in person. While in Crete, we wanted to visit one of our many aunts, Aunt Toula, but we weren’t sure which house in the village was hers. So we showed a photo of her to some local villagers and they brought us to her house. We wondered if someone had shown us a photo of one of our neighbors or coworkers, would we have known where to find that person?
—EPICURUS
Food!
Some say everything happens around food in Greece! It may be more accurate to say everything happens around food, coffee, wine, and ouzo (or raki, the regional drink of Crete) but, in any case, it is while eating and drinking that Greeks connect. Again, it’s not all about the food—it’s about the people you eat with and the conversation and bonding that being together brings with it. Who you eat with is just as important as what you eat!
Food is the central focus of the family home, with most Greek mothers providing both food and nurturing to a home full of family and friends. No matter what time of day you arrive, there will always be food available. “Eat something. I’ll make you something special” are words we hear often. After years of being occupied by foreign powers and being deprived of basic necessities, the Greeks know very well that food is the basis of living and that people will always connect over food. Again, during the current crisis, we see the focus returning to food as the primary basic need, as well as the way for people to connect meaningfully with one another. Financial resources may be strained, luxury goods may remain on the store shelves, but food is the one thing that unites the village.
“Fifteen pounds of flour?” we asked, thinking it was a lot (almost 7 kg of flour) and that Alex’s mother had made a mistake in her recipe. “Yes, fifteen pounds,” she confirmed and continued listing the rest of the ingredients we would need to
