have always felt ashamed and embarrassed. I have been in therapy, and still I cannot let this go. I have been married for almost twenty years and have two beautiful children. My hubby is my best friend. He gets hurt and frustrated because I feel this way. I feel as if one day he will ‘wake up’ and see the real me and leave me like so many have before. I have tried to break this train of thought, but it scares me how much easier it is to have negative thoughts instead of positive ones. I know I am smart, caring, and a really kind and loving person. My whole life I have struggled with this. When I walk into a room, I see people staring and doing double-takes. (You’d think I have three heads.) People often feel they have the right to inquire about why I look this way. Telling them only confirms how ashamed I already feel about myself—it’s a catch-22. How do I win?”
This lady had been to therapy and tried to muster up the know-how to think “happy thoughts.” She possibly thought getting married and having kids would just melt the insecurities away. It clearly did not for her. It is unbelievably hard to fight insecurities, because we do not know what to do when shame is on us. Though this lady has seen no hope, she still asks the right question, “How do I win?” This is the question everyone asks. But how we will define winning is not rooted in us hoping to be more self-confident or having a more successful looking life.
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