she seems so unhappy." I had time to think about that statement a little while and recalled when we were first married how we could hardly wait to have our first house. We thought when we saved up enough money for the down payment on that first house and moved into…then we would be happy. As soon as we got the house, we wanted new furniture. As soon as we got the furniture…then we would be happy, we thought. Then as soon as we got the house filled with furniture in the living room, bedrooms, and dining room, we thought, "If ONLY the house had wall-to-wall carpeting...THEN we would be happy. We could have our friends over and everything would be so nice." So we carpeted the house. Then we thought how nice it would look to have all new drapes too, so we bought drapes.
Shortly thereafter, we moved to Arkansas!
In Arkansas we really didn't want to get an old home we would have to worry about, like the one in Pennsylvania. Tony said, "Let's build a new home and THEN we'll have everything in it just like we want it."
So Tony, who had designed many homes, churches, and apartment buildings, sat down with the builder to finalize details. The major hindrance was the builder could not build the house fast enough for us because we continued to change our minds. By the time it was completed, we had completely changed it from our original idea, and we still weren't satisfied.
After we had lived in that house for a few years, the next step was to buy a bigger house. We decided this time we were not going to worry about building a house and having to add on. We would take a couple of years to "shop" for the house we wanted so we'd know it was our dream house -- it would have the lawn in and everything would be finished. We found the perfect home! It was a two-story French Tudor home. This was our dream home.
Instead of planning the rooms ourselves, we had a decorator come in and help us arrange the furniture and decide on the new pieces we would need. (After all, if you're on TV, surely you can afford to have an interior designer do your house ... Right?)
Since the latest craze was collecting antiques (and Tony's mother had an antique shop in Pennsylvania), we were able to get some nice antique pieces. Then along came the nostalgia fad, and we started collecting again. We thought we would really be happy if we had enough "things."
Also, we had decided one car was really not enough, so we purchased another car. As the children turned driving age, we planned to buy cars for them, too. We thought, to be happy, one should have the very best car money could buy. For us it was a Byzantine gold Mercedes-Benz.
Then we noticed some of our friends had fur coats. I took Tony to a showing by a St. Louis furrier, and we couldn't resist a full-length white mink. But the list of "things" didn't end with furniture, fine cars, and furs. We "had to have" the latest hunting equipment, rifles, and shotguns. Archery articles, cameras, and clothing. We were working to get all of these possessions--saving and hoarding them. We were so busy acquiring possessions there was no time for collecting love and making memories!
Tony and I had a rude awakening one evening when we got a call from the son of one of our friends who was at the courthouse. He wanted us to go there. Jamie was eighteen years old. He stood nervously with his lawyer before the judge. With a stern, almost condemning voice, the judge said, "Jamie, you are a disgrace to your entire family. Your mother is on television. Your dad is a civic leader--general manager of the Cerebral Palsy Telethon and a highly respected businessman. I have served on committees with him; I know him. Why didn't you become like him?"
The massive bench rose high above Jamie's head. Looking upward toward the judge, he replied, "Sir ...Sir!" He hesitated as fear tightened his throat. "I don't mean to be disrespectful, sir, but ...you see, you've got privileges. I don't mean that you are privileged because you're sitting there and I'm here, but you are special because you know my dad. For you see, sir, I've never really known him."
Tears began to stream down Jamie's face as he spoke. A large lump grew in his throat.
"You see, sir, my dad has always been too busy ...too busy! When I was younger I often went to him. I'd say, 'Dad would you play ball with me?' Would you help me find my bicycle?' Would you be one of our Cub Scout leaders or coach our soccer team?'
" 'Not now son,' he'd say. 'I'm busy. I've got to look at some real estate. Maybe later.' "
Jamie was silent for a little while. There was a long silence in the courtroom. The big man behind the massive bench gazed intently toward Jamie's lawyer as if searching for something to say. Jamie's eyes were wet, swollen, and red as he began again.
"Sir, later never came. He was so busy making money to pay the bills for our boat and the other things we bought, I never got to know him. I've never known what my father was really like. Perhaps if later had ever come, I wouldn't be such a poor example of a son."
Jamie began to weep and sob deeply. The judge dropped his head in an effort to hide his own tears. There was a long silence. Jamie's lawyer slowly turned to the judge and spoke.
"Sir, Jamie means in no way to condemn. I am certain his father did not intentionally reverse his priorities. He probably thought he was doing right." The judge slowly raised his head. "Son," he said, "I'm not going to send you to prison. I can't. It wouldn't be right. I feel I should be merciful. I will grant probation on one condition: that you and your dad spend at least four hours together each week for the next two years. Son, you need to know your father. He’s a fine man. He needs too impart some of himself to his son. This process takes time. This court order will give you both an opportunity to develop a relationship, for you see, son, your father needs you as much as you need him.”
Because of our love for our friend Jamie, and a similar experience in our own family, we were temporarily awakened to the importance of family priorities. Even so, we soon found ourselves dreaming again about more possessions.
For example, I looked back at some goals I had written down. They were written while I was taking a course where we were taught how to set dream goals. First, we learned to make out a dream list. Later in the course, many of us had learned how to set short range, long range; tangible and intangible goals, My own master dream list included some things I wanted -- $100,000 a year salary; a yacht to sleep six; a house on the lake; money for college for five; money for parents; a Mercedes Benz car paid for; a three carat diamond ring; diamond pin, earrings, and pendant; all the money I could spend; a trip around the world; tennis lessons and court; the ability to speak seven languages.
By keeping my goals in front of me, I was able to zero in on them daily, I had been able to achieve some of them. But it seemed after we did realize the goals, we were still not satisfied. After getting the new Mercedes, that really didn’t matter any more, a white mink coat – what did that matter?
It was never over. One day at a church fellowship I said to one of my friends, “Oh, you have on a new diamond necklace and earrings.”
“Oh yes, we are investing our money in diamonds now. It’s a hedge against inflation.” What did I do, but go and get a BIGGER diamond than she had! And actually, having the bigger one brought me no more happiness. My “things” weren’t bringing me any happiness. But I couldn’t stop.
I read about diamonds, art, and antiques and learned the “authorities” advised people “in these tumultuous” times to hold a significant percentage
