projects" (the finest clothes, the best schools, neighbors, neighborhoods, the "in" activities)-I was claiming for them or for me?
Perhaps if there were to be any happiness in my life, it would have to be from my own accomplishments -- since it wasn't in my mate or my children.
Our older daughter would waitress in a night club if it meant she could sing during the 'happy-hour.' Hadn't I taught her to take every opportunity to perform? Our other daughter left home the minute she turned eighteen, and our son wanted to be at a friend's home or anywhere but at home. No, my happiness would have to come from my own power, position, and prestige, I decided.
ANALYSIS-ACTION
This Analysis-Action section will give you a change to explore your own relationship with your children. It’s a chance to examine and think out what’s going on in your life in this area.
Let’s ask ourselves some questions to focus our thinking about our kids:
•How can we improve our relationship with each of our children?
•How can we inspire each of them to build his or her own self-esteem?
•How can we explore new lines of communication and build their confidence?
•Are our children happy and successful? (in terms of their own abilities)
•Are we helping them to grow and improve and be better prepared for adulthood?
•Do we accept our children as the individuals they are, then help them change and improve?
If we have used our children to further our own happiness, we can take head. There is a better way. If we seek God’s will in our lives and for the life of our children, we can build a life of our own based on a healthy self-image. That kind of self-image has its roots in God’s love for us, knowing how great God’s love is.
One of the ways we can begin growing in that God-given self-image is to see our children in His image too, to see them the way He sees them. The following chart can help us to do that by giving us some specific ways to help them grow into the best “them” they can be:
ANALYSIS-ACTION
Chrysalis Stage I-II
| Negative Characteristics | How to Reduce Them | The Positive Side | How to Encourage | BENEFITS |
| Examples: | ||||
| Acts Silly | Ignore* | Fun | Compliment | Happy |
| Shy | Praise | Kind | Encourage | Well-liked |
| Aggressive | Set Limits | Competitive | Direct | Wins |
| 1. | 1. | 1. | 1. | 1. |
| 2. | 2. | 2. | 2. | 2. |
| 3. | 3. | 3. | 3. | 3. |
| 4. | 4. | 4. | 4. | 4. |
| 5. | 5. | 5. | 5. | 5. |
| 6. | 6. | 6. | 6. | 6. |
* In all things we can pray for and thank God for our children (I Thes. 5:16-18, James 5:16)
Chapter Three
I Search for Happiness In the Poverty P’s
The silence was electric as the audience anticipated who the next Man and Woman-of-the-Year would be. I looked around at the elegant ballroom. Everyone who was "anyone" in town was there. The soft light from the chandeliers flickered on the diamonds, satins, and furs adorning the women in the room. I wondered how many others had spent the entire afternoon in the beauty shop having hair and nails and facials done. I was glad I'd lost that other five pounds because it made my figure-hugging formal look better. I loved this evening blue satin blouse and the long-vested skirt. "There's not another one in the room like it," I thought. "Goes with my red hair." My thoughts were interrupted by the emcee--Cliff Jeffords.
“We've announced the Man-of-the-Year. Now it's time for the opening of the envelope for the woman -- the JAYCEE Woman-of-the-Year -- Bonnie Libhart!" That was ME - I had won! I jumped up and started across the plush carpet to the candle and flower-decked head table. Everyone was clapping--but why didn't I feel excited? I'd somewhat expected the award because of hints that had been given. And then they had invited us to the Jaycee banquet, so I really wasn't surprised. I looked around at my husband. Even though I felt no elation, I thought surely HE would!
Even though I saw Tony's frozen smile at the time, it was years later before I looked back at the picture in the paper and saw the loneliness in it.
That night I hung the dress in the closet and thought, "That's it -- it's over! Next year someone else will be Woman-of-the-Year!" Oh, what a feeling of depression! I couldn't believe this melancholy feeling was my reward for all of the work I put into getting this "honor."
This was the year so many good and bad things had happened. I had become deeply preoccupied with my television show. I had reasoned flimsily that if I couldn't find happiness in my children or my husband, surely happiness could come with power, position, and prestige. I had done what Tony wanted me to do and worked only half a day now. And I didn't care which twelve hours it
