and exciting to me. The letters arrived daily telling of his adventures. He left out a lot of details that I only learned years later! I was a very naïve kid.
He asked his best friend to keep an eye on me. This friend, along with Barry’s other pals from high school formed a group that liked to come for visits and meet my girl friends. They were all charming young men and my popularity increased with my friends who were eager for dates with these fellows. It was quite a lot of fun for all of us and a wonderful respite from life at home for me.
Life at home was difficult and would become even more so in the spring. Dad had failed to change the furnace filter, causing a fire. Fortunately, we were all away from the house when it began. Neighbors called the fire department and most of our possessions were saved, but we now had to find another place to live. We moved into the second floor of a duplex nearby. All of this continued to prove very embarrassing to me. All of my friends lived in homes their parents owned. No one was renting part of a duplex!
I graduated in the upper 6th of my class. I had all “A’s” and one “D” for Geometry that should have been an “F.” My teacher felt he’d failed me. Geometry was the last period of the day and since I had cookies and milk for breakfast and an ice cream sandwich for lunch, I was ready for a nap by ninth period -- and I took it every day in Geometry. Besides, I had no study habits. I’d listen to what the teachers said to me in class (except in Geometry) and simply parroted back the material in papers and on tests. I did the minimal amount of work, but somehow that was enough.
When my Geometry teacher tried to apologize to me for my poor grade, I explained that it really wasn’t his fault because I had no study habits and didn’t care. He wouldn’t agree with me and gave me a “D” instead of an “F.”
I never liked math, so it simply didn’t matter to me. I was going to marry Barry, have babies and would never need an education. Little Women and the ideals I’d found there had receded to the back of my brain.
My sister Bobbie, however, would have none of it. She refused to let me get off so easily. She insisted that I go to college and she took the initiative to get me a scholarship to the University of Akron. I couldn’t see the sense in this at all. But when the school gave me a full scholarship, I had no excuses left. I’d have to go. -- Bobbie was there for me when I couldn’t be there for myself.
Over the summer, Barry surprised me with another visit home and my love for him only grew stronger. I couldn’t wait for us to be together forever. It was 1963 and such were the plans all my friends had. I’d go to school to bide my time, but once he was back home, we’d get married and begin our life together.
Chapter 7
More Change
Bobbie and I were on a campaign. Daddy was now an eligible bachelor. Mom had not been dead more than a few months when the invitations began to come from interested ladies. Bobbie and I were not particularly thrilled with one lady in particular and decided we needed to choose who would be an acceptable companion for Daddy. He obviously wasn’t thinking with his head.
One woman was on our short list. Carolyn was the widow of a dear man who had owned the diaper service in Cleveland. Mommy, Daddy, Carolyn, and Jerry had been good friends and had attended business conventions together over the years. Carolyn had come to our home as soon as she heard about Mommy and offered to help in any way she could. She had loved Mommy and was very fond of Dad as well. And we were fond of her.
When she invited us for dinner, we encouraged Daddy to accept. Then Bobbie and I planned dinners for Carolyn and her sons at our home. We even had them over the first night the Beatles sang on Ed Sullivan! Our intent was not lost on Daddy and the friendship became deeper between him and Carolyn.
During the fall of my freshman year, Daddy said he thought Carolyn would be a good mother for all of us and asked how we felt. We were thrilled. Daddy decided to wait until I was done with my first year at school before they married and we’d move into Carolyn’s home in Cleveland and begin a new life there. I appreciated his concern for me. I was thoroughly enjoying college life as much as I could, considering that I needed to be home each afternoon to care for my brother, and thus agreed that this was a good plan.
We fell into a somewhat comfortable routine as a family. Bobbie was in school at Kent State University during the week so Daddy would take Howard to a nursery near my campus. I would pick Howard up after classes since Daddy was doing home sales in the evening. I would give my brother his dinner, put him to bed, and have a warm meal waiting for Daddy when he was done working. I began to enjoy talking with Daddy when he got home. He’d tell me about his day and I would tell him about mine. Bobbie would come home over the weekends to help out and give me more freedom to enjoy campus life.
*** *** ***
One course I really enjoyed at school was “Abnormal Psychology.” The professor was an eccentric who had a lovely black handlebar mustache and wore a black fedora and cape around campus. His lectures were fascinating. One day I ventured into his office with a question that was burning in my soul. Could someone be so unhappy that this person could will him or herself to die? He turned from his desk to stare at me. He wanted to know why I was asking this question. I explained what had happened to my mother.
Without hesitating he answered that yes, this was possible. I thanked him and left.
I never discussed this with my family. But something settled within me that day. I somehow knew that our will is stronger than we realize. Our minds can make us sick. And yes, if the desire is that strong, we can even make ourselves sick enough to die. I had watched my mother do this. I made a promise to myself that day that this wouldn’t happen to me. I didn’t know how or what I would do but I wouldn’t allow myself to be so unhappy that it would kill me.
*** *** ***
At school I met many kids from the east coast and enjoyed getting to know this more sophisticated crowd. Barry had suggested I date, and I did.
It was great fun until one awful Friday in October. A bunch of us were sitting in the student lounge when an announcement came over the loudspeaker that President Kennedy had been shot. Stunned groups of students poured out of all the buildings, into the main concourse of the school. We then went to any T.V. we could find on campus before the school was closed and the period of official mourning began.
It did not take long until I realized that life changed for all of us that day. Many hopes and dreams for a better, brighter future that were embodied in President Kennedy died with him. Within a couple years, the baby boomers that witnessed this tragedy became the hippies who wanted the social order to change. Our world could never be the same. The conventions and comforts of the Eisenhower years were gone. Our generation would collectively be forging a new path.
I, however, was still caught in the web of “how it was supposed to be.” I wasn’t ready for change. I wanted to enjoy the life I had envisioned. One by one, my girlfriends became engaged to get married. I was maid-of-honor in my best friend’s wedding and I knew my wedding could not be far behind. We were young, but oh so eager to fulfill our destinies.
In the spring of 1964, I became disillusioned with school since Daddy had not had the money for me to join the campus sorority. Because of this, I was now being excluded from many social activities. This was just another example of how my life continued to be so different
