a cherished friend, like “Wilson” the volleyball was in Tom Hank’s shipwrecked adventure movie, “Castaway”.
Today I also got an extra blanket from our orderly, which I could roll into a pillow. My first pillow in almost fifteen days enabled me to celebrate this humble yet often taken for granted sleep item. I slept through the night with my self- made hard wool pillow.
I obtained last night a Torah which was printed so small it was unreadable without a magnifying glass. I am not permitted reading glasses due to the fact that I have not been sentenced and I have not committed a crime. "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" was another classic I must have missed during my twenty years of teaching English. Unfortunately, it is a "Catcher in the Rye" type of work about committing suicide, feeling alone and going crazy. I kid you not! One can't make up the attention to rehabilitative detail of this finely run institution. Give this type of suicide thought process book to an inmate whose mattress has written on it, as in my isolation cell, “suicide watch". What a system of support!
It is a good thing I can still detach myself. I still say good morning when they wake me at about 6:00AM instead of "What's up?" Remember, I have no clocks, mirrors or time references.
As this travesty of injustice continues, in a place with no area for individuals who have not committed a crime, I must be held in solitary confinement within the walls to satisfy the temper tantrum of an all-powerful Judge. Soon I will be able to report to you on those neighbors actually convicted of a crime.
I now have a pillow. I sleep more than I am normally permitted at home and I now have a book on how to justify suicide. The New American Dream compliments of a Judge wrongly appointed for life. Maybe our weathermen should also be appointed for life whether they are correct about the weather or not. It is time we as a society hold our Judges to a level of proficiency and sanity without having to repeat that Holocaust poem:
"They came for my neighbor and I hid behind the door".
"They came for my other neighbor, and I hid under the bed".
"When they came for me, there was no one there to help me"
Chapter 3 – My Dysfunctional Neighborhood
I eat about six hundred calories daily with my white fork/spoon, yet I am happy because after fifteen days I was told I may get to call home for the first time and that my toothpaste and toothbrush order may come soon. All this has happened because one Judge can't figure out my wife's check book, and he has denied our offer to have a forensic accountant present our finances. What has happened to America's judicial system? Is there a quota within the prison system? Is that why I’m here?
I am the victim of a judiciary that made an initial mistake of closing our fine young company and now it is trying to justify that mistake by flexing its muscles and to continue its character assassination of one innocent leader and whistleblower.
We empower our fellow citizens to rule over us in conformance with our laws without a speedy mechanism to correct them when their rulings might be politically motivated or simply wrong.
Today the absurd took on yet another degree beyond my comprehension. I heard an announcement "Psychologist on Floor". I ran to the door to watch a dark suited white-haired frightened man actually running past each of the doors saying "Are you O.K.?” As he came to my window, I said, "May I" ... and he continued running past the doors and out of the area with the cell doors locking behind him. He spoke to no one. His time on our ward was less than one minute!
As I was writing to you, over eight suited officials now visited. One of them, I'm told, is Warden Star - the others have badges and name tags but they are unreadable as they walk through. I did stop one and asked him if I could be moved from solitary confinement after fifteen days for civil contempt - His answer was ''It doesn't matter what you are here for murder - arson - or no cause at all" you are here and when they get to your name on the "list" - they will move you. What list? Move where? By the way, the “suits” were deep in discussion on improving the Special Housing Unit [SHU] wing by moving the bunk beds one way instead of another. Eight salaried professionals and that is the only innovative thought they were discussing today or any day I observed them.
I then demanded to speak to the Warden. They said he had left the area. I said "May I speak with him". They said "Maybe, next Thursday".
Let me go back to reading about suicide. This bureaucratic, politically placed bunch of hacks, really don't care about the rehabilitation of those inmates within these walls. They are only focused on their small job within their fiefdom called the Metropolitan Correctional Center (MCC).
Today after the psychiatrist's Mad Hatter "Alice in Wonderland" experience I thought that the only thing missing may have been the psychiatrist's wearing of a big watch and a top hat.
I would like to explain how one actually reads in solitary. One may lie on the hard bed and slant the book towards the wall lights, which are on the opposite wall. Or one can sit on the sixteen inch hard circular metal desk chair until your back or your posterior hurts. Finally you can sit on the small desk bolted to the wall, place your feet on the chair and keep your back against the wall until your back or backside hurts from the cold steel or the damp wall.
Today I await some toiletries from the commissary! My only toothbrush is a borrowed two inch brush, which I have had since day five, but today I may actually receive toothpaste. To think I would send back a drink, in our society, if I didn't like the mix of vodka and juice or the size of the glass in which it was served. My situation certainly has changed.
My two hour shower last night caused an event to occur which may have captured the entire prison institutionalized mind-set for me.
I have explained the process of shower shaving before, and the magnetic "razor" sign, which is attached to the fence engulfing the shower. It reminds the guards that the inmate has a razor. As I touched the magnetic sign, it fell down and became hidden between the floor and the stair edge. When the guards came to get me (one hour waiting with only a towel wrapped around me) I told them that there may be a security flaw in the system because an inmate not wishing them "well" could knock down the magnetic sign and the guard might forget to check for a razor with no visible sign to remind them. They thanked me, and I handed them the razor. Then they told me to turn around in my 1'x2' fenced in area because I may poke them in the eye as they retrieve the fallen razor sign. My response was one of disbelief. "Would the one who pointed out the problem, returned a razor you didn't know I had, then poke someone with my finger"? "We have policies sir", was my officer's response. Could this mind set have won World War II?
There are many issues that still amaze me. Pens are forbidden in the cell. All of my forms, documents, requests and even letters of complaint have been in ink. No one has ever asked how I got a pen. Another astonishing occurrence was that I did receive a handful of books today. Unfortunately, they were in Spanish and Chinese! The predominant language spoken amongst the guards is Spanish. Many are bi-lingual, but when given their choice they often choose Spanish. All night and early morning many speak quite loudly in their Spanish language. Add that to dealing with the gang slang and you may wonder how one ever sleeps in prison.
The legal visits for over a thousand prisoners contain four 10x10 conference rooms. The wait for attorneys when the room is occupied can be hours before they are allowed to come in to actually meet with their clients. Add that to the length of time to get the inmate or the attorney to the legal section and it is difficult to get representation. On paper, legal assistance is always available. In reality, the inmates have very little opportunity to defend themselves.
I submitted a request today for toilet paper and socks. I was told maybe Monday on the socks, but they'll
