it is not difficult.”
“But you do not look like a white man!”
“I can! The men wear their hair differently than we do, but I always cut mine somewhat the day I leave here and when I return I again let it grow. I am certain that you have noticed I wear my hair shorter than the other men of the village in the first place. I have these light eyes from Great Grandfather as well. The rest is a simple thing Mother. I speak their language as if I were born to it, as you do, and this is because of Grandfather. I know all of their customs. I lived as a white man for years, so you see it is not a trick of magic Mother, it is a simple thing really.”
“I am more than surprised! Cougar I cannot imagine you as a white man!”
“One time when I return I will come to you in the night and let you see me as a white man. Then you will see it is not a difficult transition at all. It serves my purpose to do this...to become a white man. I will have to continue to do so to accomplish that which must be done and to protect our people, and our village.”
“Should I ask why?”
“Many things are happening in their world that will have an effect on us, on this village even. For these reasons I go and learn what is to be learned. Wagons, hundreds at a time are moving from the east Mother, and they carry many white settlers, coming more and more into our world, on our lands, to build their lodges. Most of these do not come to live beside us, or to live near us in peace. They come to take, to conquer and take! There will come a time when our peace is no longer.”
“I hope I have gone to abide in the Spirit World long before this happens my son! I do not want to see this happen.”
“But you will see it happen, just as I will, just as The People will. This is a thing we cannot stop!”
“This will happen so soon, Cougar? So soon that I will see it?” She asked, truly worried at this news.
“Yes, Mother, it is happening even now. I visited in what the white people call the Mission Valley less than a moon ago. There is a mission there; in a place, they now call St. Ignacious. As a young lad I was in this same place. There were only trappers then. Now there is a mission, and white settlers. This is not so far from here Mother.”
She sat thinking on what he was saying and then remembering Grandfather, she asked, “Is the white man so bad that we cannot live in peace with them?”
“Many are good Mother, just as your Grandfather was good. Others, maybe even more, are not!” He did not like the worry he was giving her but knew the time had come for her to know these things.
“Unlike Grandfather, they are filled with greed. When they fear something they destroy it so that it can no longer make them feel fear. If they do not understand something, they destroy that too. It is with them that they must have power over a thing or they will not allow it to exist. It is a fear, I know this, but their fear breeds hatred and destruction. It is so. In my school there is much history that shows this, in lands far across great waters from us it has always been this way. The people who came across the waters to settle here brought with them a heritage of fear. It will always be so.
“We will be written of in their books some day as well. There will be books telling of our history Mother. I am certain of this! I am also certain that for us, the people who live in these mountains, even us here on the shores of Spirit Late, the book will be sad. Sad for us, but not necessarily sad for the white settlers.”
Cougar had traveled a great deal. He had spent more than a full year before returning to his people traveling. His education combined with his intelligence and 'gifts' put him far and above most other men. After he had finished his education he had made his decision to travel around the country that surrounded his people. He had done this in whatever manner suited his purpose best at the time, as white or as Indian. His familiarity of the land ranged from the Tetons to the South and the Dakotas to the East, the Rocky Mountains North into the Canada’s and along the Salmon River and Columbia River.
Those who might have had suspicions of his Indian blood never voiced them once they assessed his stature and magnificent physique, or looked directly into those green eyes. If any further doubt remained his faultless English and impeccable manners dispelled them. He moved with the athletic grace of a cat and had a certain quality in his deep voice that held those he spoke to almost fascinated, although they could not precisely tell you why. Many who met him thought him to be a man of quality, perhaps even nobility. He knew this to be true; his nobility was as a Chief, and a thing he never forgot.
Many women had fallen instantly in love with this man. That was a thing to spell their heartbreak, however. Cougar had not been in love during his entire nearly three decades on this earth. He had formed casual liaisons with several women during his time, but was very careful to never get seriously involved. The women, of these liaisons were only interested in the most casual of affairs as well, or so they thought. Time spent with Cougar, however, changed all that. No woman ever willingly let such a man go. Not only was he wonderful to look upon, but he was witty, gentle, considerate and the most incredible lover that any of these women had ever known.
Cougar had never hurt a woman intentionally and he never would. Without quite realizing it he had never fallen in love because he was ever searching for the one his heart yearned to have. Although he had not given much thought to this before, he was now finding himself turning more of his thoughts to this subject. He wondered why he had never given his heart. Was there something lacking in him? Other men fell in love, why had he never done so? Sometime during the past year or so something had come into his life he realized, something he had found no relief from. He now knew it had always been with him, but lately it was almost haunting his every hour. Cougar had now put a word to this thing that haunted his every hour.
The word was lonely.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Jessica had a troubled heart. She found herself asking more and more what was wrong. Was she fickle? Was she still so upset by what had happened to Mama and then the ordeal with Papa that she couldn't focus her feelings anymore? The fault was hers, she told herself. She had been so convinced that she loved Thomas. Listen to yourself, she chided, even now you use it in the past tense.
Yet there was a part of her had always known that she had never been in love with Thomas, at least not in the way Mama had been in love with Papa. Still, back home everything had seemed at least all right about it. It had only been since they had joined up with the wagon train nearly three months ago that her feelings had come to what they were now. The memory of the day in the wagon going to town with Thomas came to mind, and she realized she had doubts about him even then. It seemed now she had no feelings about him at all. At times she felt as though he was a total stranger and one she did not even like at times!
It could just be the rigors of this trip making everyone behave differently, she reasoned. Deep in her heart she knew this was not the case. She was seeing something in Thomas that had not been so obvious to her before. After all, she saw him every single day now and that always made things different. Then she realized that if she married Thomas she would certainly see him every day! “Oh, whatever am I going to do?” She moaned to herself.
“What was that you said, Jessi?”
She turned her head to look at Papa, sitting beside her, taking his turn at driving the wagon. He looked so good, as though once he came back to them he had began to almost thrive on everything that happened in everyday life.
“Oh, nothing Papa, I guess I was just talking to myself.”
“Jess,
