“Now, don't go worrying about me Papa, I am just fine. It is probably everything being so different. You know, leaving the farm and all, then starting out West, just so many things different that's all.”
“Everything being different? Everything, like Thomas?” He was watching her face closely as he asked, and his own face revealed a knowing look.
She looked at him startled that he had seemed to be reading the very thoughts that had just been going through her mind! She realized there was something else bothering her too. She had suspected for weeks now that Papa did not like Thomas, but she couldn't understand when that had happened or why. Well, she did know when it seemed to have happened. From the very day that Papa had come back to them from his world of grief his attitude towards Thomas had been different.
“You don't like Thomas do you Papa?”
“Oh, Jess, it isn't for me to like or dislike him. You are the one that is important, you are the one he wants to marry.”
“No, Papa, I need a direct answer from you about this. You don't like him do you?”
“No. No, as a matter of fact I don't!”
“Why? I know that you did, or you used to. At least that day that Ma.... well, I mean you did used to like him, didn't you?”
“Yes, I did used to more or less like the boy, not ever crazy about him though…Jessi, it's alright you know. You were going to say the day Mama died. It’s alright, you can talk about her to me, in fact I think it’s a shame that we don't talk about her. She was a wonderful part of our lives, yours, mine the boys. Too wonderful to never talk about! I miss her Jessi; miss her so much I can't even tell you! I can’t even find the words! That is just normal though. What is not normal is that we don't talk about a person we all loved so much and in not talking about her we lose her. To do Lilly credit, we should always keep her memory alive. By the way, in case I haven't told you she would have been excessively proud of you, but no more proud than I am!”
“Oh Papa, I don't see what you think there is to be so proud of, but I miss her too Papa! I've wished so many times that she was here for me to talk to.”
“I know, Jess, I know. But I am here and I know that Mama would have wanted you to talk to me about all those things you used to talk to her about. I know I can't think much like a woman can, but most things in life are just a matter of living Jess, not necessarily male or female. I would feel a whole lot better if you would talk to me. What is it that has you so troubled? Your little face is too beautiful to have such an unhappy look on it.”
“Papa, I don't know what's wrong!” She almost wailed. “That's what is so bad about it. I just don't know what is wrong!”
“The ‘wrong’ is all about Thomas, isn't it Jess?”
“Oh, yes...no...I don't know.” She almost wailed. What was wrong? Just the way she felt about Thomas? She really felt it was more than that, she just had a feeling when she was around him, not a good feeling either sort of like making her want to cringe. Lately she had remembered Mama having said much the same about how she felt around Thomas. Yet how could she tell Papa something that was so intangible? Wouldn't he think those were some pretty silly notions?
“You don't really love Thomas, but you aren't exactly sure what to do about it are you Jess?”
When she didn’t answer, he gently prodded, “well, Jess?”
“Its, well... it’s really terrible of me to say, but no. Truth be told I guess I don't love Thomas! I don't even know why. I think I've taken leave of my senses sometimes Papa. It’s like when I am around him he gives me, well, I mean, I feel, uh. Oh, I don't know.”
“Sort of gives you an eerie feeling, is that it?”
“Oh, that sounds so terrible!”
“It’s true, though, isn't it?”
“Yes, but why? I mean he is the same Thomas that I knew back at the farm, why would I feel that way now when I didn't then? By the way, how did you know that he gave me an eerie feeling?”
“First questions first. You've grown up a whole lot in the past months. You see things differently now than you did then and that is just a part of growing up. You really weren't around him that much either, you have to remember that. Maybe there is something about Thomas that you didn't see then. As for me knowing about the eerie feeling, well, he strikes me the same way and he always struck Lilly that way.”
“Yes, yes I remember. Still it isn't anything I can pinpoint; I mean I can't give you any specific reasons for feeling that way. You didn't exactly tell me what it is that has made you not like Thomas. Please, Papa, tell me. Don't you think I should know? I mean when he is with us you hardly say a word. In fact you didn't say a word until the other night when he wanted me to take a little walk and then you bellowed like a bull. You even gave me a start, why did you get so upset?”
“I guess I am just real protective where you're concerned, but, I do mean what I said. I don't want you walking out with him; you stay where people can see you.”
“But Papa isn't that more than just 'protective? There is something about him you aren't telling me, isn't there?”
John was not going to tell his daughter what he suspected or what he knew. His suspicions hadn't been proven yet. In fact if he had told her how he was told what Thomas had done she would think he had gone crazy again, When he thought about it, he even wondered if it had all been imagined by a man half out of his mind with grief.
Still, it was so fresh in his mind it was as though it was only yesterday. It had been Lilly. Not his mind, no, he didn't imagine it. The first time that is what he convinced himself of though. She had stood at the foot of his bed and told him it was time to get up and begin living again before it was too late. Get up and see to her children. Get up and take care of the farm they had both worked so hard to build. He did not believe in the supernatural. Sure didn't believe in ghosts! But now he knew it was Lilly whether he believed in those things or not!
The next day Thomas had come over and he called him to the bedroom door. He had asked him how the farm was and Thomas had told him it was fine, he was watching over it and helping out until John got back on his feet. He had asked him if Jess and the boys had all that that they needed. Thomas had told him there were a few things they probably needed. With that John had given him the money to pay off all the accounts so Jess could go get anything they needed without bothering him. That was a mistake. He should have listened to Lilly and gotten out of his bed and started living and taking care of things himself.
Then Lilly came again, weeks later. She stood at the foot of his bed again. She had told him he had to get up! Their daughter needed him desperately. He had to get up so that a terrible thing would not happen to her as had happened to Carrie Carpenter! She had said get up, now, John now before it is too late. She had told him that Thomas was a thief, an unspeakable monster. Get up now! She had said again and it still echoed through his mind. Get up now John and save our daughter! Now John, right now!
He had thought about that all the rest of the night. The next morning he did get up, shaved and put on fresh clothes. Soon after that Jessi had come into the room going on and on disjointedly about their affairs and the overdue accounts and losing the farm. This time she did get his attention.
He had remained in his room a few hours longer turning this over and over in his mind. He had already determined to return to
