Lesson: It’s better to cry in the comfortable back seat of a luxurious Mercedes-Benz than while pedaling a broken bicycle uphill in the rain.
My wife Marilyn’s cousin Manny was a printer and he offered us free wedding invitations as an engagement present. Unfortunately they arrived with my father’s name wrong. When Manny reprinted them, he got Pop’s name right, but he printed the wrong year.
We didn’t want to ask Manny for a third freebie or insult him by taking our business elsewhere. (He kept a gun in a holster strapped to his ankle and I used to refer to him as Mafia Manny although I had no real knowledge that he was in the mob.)
The wedding date was rapidly approaching so my future mother-in-law used a pen to correct the year on each invitation. It wasn’t very elegant—in fact, it looked like shit—but it was definitely a rare collector’s item.
Lesson: Sometimes FREE is not a good price.
Many years ago my “Grandma Del”—who endured the Great Depression—taught me something that I didn’t appreciate until I was collecting Social Security.
Back in the 1950s, a ballpoint pen refill cost ten cents and sales tax was five percent. She needed two refills. If she purchased them together, she’d have to pay a penny tax. If she made two ten-cent purchases—no tax.
Lesson: Pennies, nickels and dimes (either spent or saved) really do add up to become dollars, and more.
One time I hosted about a dozen people for a meal at a restaurant. The check seemed a bit higher than I expected, but I paid it and gave a nice tip. The next morning I looked over the check and found out that the restaurant automatically added an “18% gratuity for parties of six or more.” I could not ask for the waiter to give me back the extra tip.
Lesson: Don’t accidentally tip on top of a tip.
It seems that every week or two there’s another company that promises to provide the absolute lowest prices for airfares, car rentals and hotel rooms.
In one recent test for the same date and same accommodations in the same hotel, the price was $111 from Expedia, Hotwire and Kayak, $114 from Priceline and $118 from Orbitz. (Your experience may vary.) Trivago gathers and presents prices from other websites.
Lessons: (1) There’s little or no difference in prices at the discount hotel websites. (2) Low prices may limit your rights to change or cancel reservations.
Some cities and states have programs to reduce real estate tax for veterans, the elderly, disabled people, etc. Check with your local tax assessor’s office.
Lesson: If you think you’re eligible, don’t delay applying. I missed the deadline by a few weeks and I had to wait six months for my next chance.
For me, Social Security was like putting quarters into a slot machine for 50 years and then KA-CHING.
You can start collecting Social Security retirement benefits as early as age 62, but if you wait until you’re older, your monthly payments will be higher.
Lesson: You have to guess how long you will live.
When I was considering renting an apartment in a new building, the rental agent told me that the price of an apartment went up $6 for each floor above ground. A tenant told me that she was told her price would be the same for any floor. I got the agent to waive the fee.
Years later I agreed to buy a house and selected various options. After we moved in a neighbor showed us cove moldings, window moldings and chair rails that she got with no extra charge. Our salesperson never offered them—even as extra-cost options.
Lesson: If you are thinking about buying a house in a new real estate development or renting an apartment in a new building, talk to people who already live there. There may be deals or features that the salesperson or rental agent did not tell you about.
If you are buying a house in a private community or renting a home, leisurely and carefully study all the documents before making the deal. You may find that there are conditions—such as a prohibition against a home-based business or parking a motor home in your driveway—that you can’t accept.
Years ago an apartment landlord in Queens, New York tried to evict me because I used a barbecue grill on my 14th-floor balcony. He claimed that cookouts violated the lease and were a terrible fire hazard.
I was pleased to point out that the lease didn’t even mention outdoor cooking. I also interviewed the local fire chief, who said that in the last 40 years in the entire Borough of Queens there was no record of any fire being caused by cooking on a balcony. I published this information in the Tenants Times along with advice to minimize annoying smoke and keep a bucket of water or a fire extinguisher handy.
After this, the landlord changed the lease for new tenants to specifically outlaw balcony barbecues and he tried to find a way to evict me—but he did not stop my outdoor cooking.
Lesson: Know your rights and limitations.
We have an expensive, custom-made cover on our in-ground pool. Hunter, our dog, often walks on it and naps on it.
After a few years it developed a rip. This was during the winter and I could not have it removed so I temporarily taped up the rip and the tape held until the cover was removed in May. Then I had the cover shipped back to Loop-Loc, the manufacturer.
Loop-Loc advertises that it makes “the only mesh safety pool cover proven strong and tough enough to support an elephant.” Hunter weighs about 70 pounds. That’s much less than the elephant in the Loop-Loc promotional video so I assumed there’d be no trouble getting a repair under the warranty.
Surprisingly, Loop-Loc denied warranty coverage, pointing out that the cover is not warranted against “any damage caused by animals (horses, deer, dogs, mice, etc.).”
I asked about the elephant and was snottily told that elephants don’t have toenails like dogs do and that if my dog was going to go on the pool cover he should wear soft booties. Sure.
Lessons: (1) If you want a pet that can safely go on your pool cover, get an elephant. (2) Read and understand the fine print.
By the way, the warranty is described as “Pro-rated.” That may make you think that the warranty was rated by some unnamed professional. In actuality, the term is a distortion of “prorated.” A prorated warranty covers a specific length of time, and the coverage decreases through the life of the product.
If you buy something with a prorated ten-year warranty and need a repair after nine years, the most you can expect is 10% of the cost. That may not pay for what you need.
Lesson: A prorated warranty may not be much of a warranty.
Some years ago my house was burglarized, and among the purloined property was
