out to my twin sister, when I was 15. She was my first support and accepted me for who I was. I certainly feel I wouldn’t [have] made [it] this far without her. Coming out is a terrifying process at first. I was so scared about rejection, but that didn’t happen at all, regarding family or friends. I’m certainly aware of how lucky I’ve been to get the support system I needed to continue my life the way I want! When you are 15 years old, it’s hard to take the courage to stand up for yourself, but it’s worth the fight in my experience. Now that I’m 22 I’m more proud of myself than I’ve ever been. I still struggle sometimes but it’s part of life, and life’s definitely worth living the way you feel inside.
Alex, 20-year-old trans guy
Being trans is hard. There are always people arguing that we don’t exist or we are crazy, and the internet is full of trolls. But just try and remember they’re not right and you’re not alone. The trans community is beautiful, diverse and loving. Some people have a lack of understanding and education but you know who you are, and you are beautiful. Times are hard but being true to yourself is the most precious gift you can give the world.
Jamie, 20-year-old non binary person
It’s important to have integrity and honest[y] during your life as someone who falls under the trans umbrella. Take your time, allow yourself to feel things that you’ve not felt and be in the knowledge that this is okay. Be patient with yourself and don’t become the ugly duckling amongst groups of people. Whether it be in person or online through social media, try and find your tribe.
Hastur, 17-year-old trans woman
The important thing is to have support. With my guidance counsellor at school being supportive, and my mum being so supportive, and my real friends being supportive, nothing could stop me being me. Occasionally I doubt whether the transitioning is the right path for me, and it can make me really emotional, but I’ve discovered that if I think about all the positives that have happened since I started, I feel happy with myself.2
Nate, 17-year-old trans man
Actually be your authentic self. When I came out I felt really pressured to be more masculine than I was to be a valid man. And then I felt really pressured to be more feminine to feel included in the community and like not be a Big Bad Man. And I totally lost who I actually was, all [the] while proclaiming I was on the journey to being my authentic self. Now I’m finally actually on that journey, but I’m more dysphoric than ever and it’s 100x more difficult. You don’t need to justify who you are. And you don’t need to change it. And you don’t need to fit any mould.
Kate Rose, 20-year-old non binary person
You have to be happy with yourself. If you can be happy, nothing else matters. Surround yourself with those who appreciate you for who you really are, and don’t hesitate to say goodbye to those who don’t. Even if the person is family, like my dad was to me, they don’t need to like or understand your path through life, but if they can respect it and like the fact that you’re happy, that’s what matters.
Darren, 20-year-old trans man
My advice to young teens is to find a good source to talk to – whether it be a family member, a friend, a teacher, or even a stranger online – who can know what you’re going through and be able to help you out. Or even just to use as a vent for your feelings. For me this initially came in the source of two close friends who were there for me from the start of me questioning. I know that some people aren’t going to be as lucky as others in regards to how everyone around them reacts, but there will at least be some people who can sympathise with you and help you through these tough years. The world is becoming a more and more open place about LGBTQIA+ issues, so keep your head up and know that even though there may be haters, the trans community is here for you!
Charlie, 18-year-old trans guy
Coming out changed my life. It was like [I] was finally able to see glimpses of a possible future. For the first time there was the potential for me to do something with my life and have something to live for. My parents didn’t see it the same way. They saw it as a fad that I’d been brainwashed into and accused my doctors of forcing me into treatment too quickly (at this point all I was getting was counselling). Not knowing how close they’d been to losing a child to suicide they told me that it felt like the child they loved had died. At my worst moments they made me believe that if I’d have killed myself I’d at least have given them closure. I fought through it and found a community who supported me at the times when my parents couldn’t. Despite a very rocky start our relationship is well on the mend. There will probably always be scars in it, but I’m proud of how far they’ve come.
NEW NAME, NEW BEGINNING
Finding a new name and starting to use different pronouns are often some of the most important things that you can do as a trans person beginning your journey – they are a validation of your identity and who you are. These changes symbolise a new chapter in your life and put you on a new course – a course which you chose to take for yourself. It means that you are no longer living your life as your assigned gender or for other people. You have taken the step to live according to your own truth, as your authentic self.
If that sounds a bit too dramatic for you, know that it’s also an exciting time for you! You get to choose from literally every name out there. You don’t have to consult anyone at all and you can choose the most cool, hardcore name ever. Or you could go with something casual and laid-back. The power is yours! A lot of people don’t have this incentive, so we view it as one of the perks trans people have. Even though pretty much anyone can in theory have their name changed, it can never really compare to a trans person changing their name and starting to use it. There is something so liberating about it, as if a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. And whenever someone actually says it, you get this fuzzy feeling. ‘Is that the sound of someone validating me as who I really am?’ It sure is!
Back to the matter in hand – the possibilities are almost endless! There are many ways to approach it. Some people think of names that might mean something special to them, such as nicknames they had, a name they used for a character or as an artist name or something they’ve already used in some capacity. Others search for similar names that are close to their old one or have some sort of a connection to it. Some people go for something completely different and new because they can’t bear to be reminded of their old name and want to start off fresh.
PERSONAL STORIES
Lewis, 28-year-old trans man
When I was choosing my name at the age of 17, I played with the idea of many different names that were completely different to my birth name. But then I realised I didn’t really have a problem with my birth name, it just outed me as female. So I came to the conclusion it would be better to just adjust it slightly to the male version of that name – from ‘Lois’ to ‘Lewis’. I kept my middle name, which is ‘Joy’, because my mum chose it for me, and to be honest I see it as an emotion rather than a feminine name.
It’s often good to start with what names call out to you and what names are out there. Looking through naming books, Google searches and writing a few ones down is always a good plan. Consult with your friends, ask them what they think and even consult your parents if you’re so inclined. Some parents would be so delighted to be a part of the process and it often makes them feel more connected to you and your journey. It’s a good way to strengthen some bonds, especially if your parents are grieving. But you are of course under no obligation to include anyone in this process.
