Care” issue.
Mum was quite ill whilst she was in Sunshine Hospital; she was on a Morphine infusion drip looking pretty sad and sorry. But after two weeks she was getting a little restless and Sunday morning she called me and said, “I’m allowed out for the day”.
Mum was one of the best at manipulation I have ever seen and when questioned by the Doctor on ways to make her feel more comfortable she mentioned, “some time at home would do the trick”. The Doctor said it could be a good idea, so she went to work and next thing she was calling me and soon after that, she was in the car on her way back to the home she had known for 55 years for a day out. That day out became known as “parole”!
Every Sunday over the next few weeks Mum would get “Parole” from 10 in the morning until 4pm. I would pack her up with all her medication and when we got home she would park herself on the back porch in her chair, back door open so she could smell the air and feel the breeze. For the first couple of “paroles” she was still smoking, but that ended abruptly one day and she never touched a fag again. This was quite an effort for a former 40 a day girl, but the vomiting after the first one made the joy of that week long wait puff, not worth it.
A few weeks after being in Sunshine, Mum appeared to be stabilising a little. She was off the Morphine infusion but still had many medications and it was recommended that she could move to care facility. My job (delegated by my Brother and Sister) was to convince her that this was a good idea; I thought and told them that it would be easier to convince a Donkey to run in a Horse race! But I would give it my best shot.
I visited a couple of Care Centres but the wait was so long. Then by a stroke of luck I drove into Arcare Care Centre in Maidstone, a stone’s throw from Mums house and they had a vacancy. Now to understand Mums “aversion” to Care facilities understand that she didn’t want to be in a place surrounded by people she couldn’t talk to because they had dementia, she didn’t want to see sad, old people having to be fed whilst they dribble. I took a tour of Arcare and although it was not totally occupied by the elderly that caused Mum stress, it was close.
I was thinking how to convince Mum as we really had no choice, so I worked on the old 60/40 rule. I went back to Sunshine Hospital and told Mum how sensational the place was, how great was the fact that only 40% of the place and patients would she struggle with but the 60% was awesome, and her room? Wow better than the Hilton! Mum looked at me called me a liar, laughed and asked could she still have parole. So that afternoon we packed her up and moved her off to her new home at Arcare.
Mum was so excited when she ventured into her new room. I had bought her a flat screen TV, beautiful reclining chair, a fridge, radio, wow she had all the comforts but she was most happy that it was all brand new as she hadn’t had things like that for so many years. All was going well until she had her first dinner.
Arcare, has a community eating area. I wheeled Mum out and we proceeded to sit at a table with three other ladies, all about Mum’s age. One lady started a conversation with Mum and she was so happy, I could see her thinking, “wow this is not so bad”. Then the lady asked the same question over and over and told mum the same story three times, and Mum started to give me that “you liar look”, and then the Choir started.
The Choir as we decided to call it, were three patients god bless, them that due to old age and illness had lost all vocal capabilities except one, Screaming.
These three lovelies began to scream at a level that would make a 747 on takeoff seem quiet. They would start singularly, then as a pair and finally they would be howling in a trio. All this whilst the other patients are trying to eat their food (the food is another story). Mum just looked at me with a “You Bloody Liar Look” which is a lot worse than just “liar”
I tried the old, it will get better routine, it’s only once a day, but then she reminded me that people have three meals a day. She also reminded me that 60/40 was more like 95/5 as she really liked her new TV!
A few days went past and yes I copped the same “Bloody Liar” accusation many times. As the days concluded and my socialite Mummy had made friends I started to score a little more than 95/5, but she assured me it would never get to 60/40.
My odds improved dramatically for a moment during one of Arcare theme weeks. The whole place became a Cruise Ship and they had daily entertaining, pretend gambling so Mummy was very excited, as this was more to her liking. She laughed saying the only thing that would make it perfect would be if the pretend cocktails had a touch of Kahlua! To watch Mum singing along whilst the care workers, dressed as sailors, blasted out “We’ll Meet Again” well, that was a joy.
When Sunday morning came along, Mum was at her best. My phone would go off around 8am and on the line would be Mum asking what time I was going to pick her up for Parole. That day out probably gave me an extra percentage and moved me into the naughty boy category rather than liar, and she was like a little kid when I arrived to pick her up. With medicine in hand and washing (she didn’t trust the laundry with her undies), away we would go five minutes down the road to her beloved home and back porch. She would open the door, position the chair and start to sip her beloved cup of tea, the music would have to be on in the background and then we would start, or should I say she would start, our wonderful chats.
In the early weeks of her Arcare stay the chats would always begin with complaints about the Choir, the food (god she hated the food), but the complaints got less and the chats moved to things about life and love.
Mum would request certain food for her lunch as I have mentioned the food issue! So we would dine on KFC, Fish and Chips and Pizza, then we would chat or watch Cricket on the TV. This sort of agenda lasted a few weeks but as time moved on, the Parole discussions on the back porch became more and more reflective, deeper, more on good times than bad, more on back in the day, rather than complaining about a who’s who of patients at Arcare.
I believe Mum totally appreciated her time was limited and now she would leave her legacy. She would hand over her thoughts and feelings not only on life, but moreover the journey of death.
As the weeks rolled on the fast food became less important, the sport on Telly the same but music playing in the background whilst we chatted, was very high on Mum’s agenda and she would give me strict instructions on what I would have to download, and have ready for her parole visit. I now have a PC full of Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, and Shirley Bassey and in the end she had a giant crush on the music of Susan Boyle and Australian idol winner Stan Walker. Chats of Memories and moments of Mummy’s life started to change, as we moved into December closer to Christmas the conversations moved more to“The Things that matter are the things that matter”
It didn’t really mean much to me at the time when she uttered the statement. It was early days and I was still in denial that Mum had limited time left. I mean she had always been a bit of a Drama Queen and loved the limelight so in a way I was probably still thinking the old girl would hang around for years. It was only when I accompanied her to the Oncologist that I was faced with the fact that yes indeed Mum was pretty crook.
In January of 2010 Mum seemed to get worse and on the 27thof January at Western General Hospital, I sat with my Mum and we held hands as we were delivered the worst news by her specialist, Mum had seven days to live.
When the news was delivered, I wheeled her down the corridor and for the first time in my life? I was frozen totally in the speaking department and then Mum looked at me and out of the blue she said, “I Wish I could relive that moment”. I asked her what moment and she replied, “The Night on 3AW” to sing in front of the crowd just one time before she went would be a true joy in these last few days of her life.
You see back in the late early 1950’s Mum was a very
