that were held live on radios beamed out throughout Melbourne. Radio station 3AW had a program that was called the Amateur Hour sort of like an “Old days” Australian Idol. You would sing and people would call in and combined with the Live audience vote for you. On one particular night Mum truly wowed them and actually won the event. I had heard this so many times during my years of growing up. As time went on them Mum’s thoughts of fame were still there but the passion for Mum to sing again got less and less and in the end it was just a distant memory.
But now at this moment it becomes a huge excitement of thought for my Mum, as for me? I didn’t know it at the time but it would also become a major driver in my life.
During our drive back to Arcare we laughed and joked about what if she did get that 3AW chance, what if she did get her comeback? Well the voice would be a bit crackly, the songs would be out of date but she wouldn’t care she would just enjoy the moment of her comeback and the joy it would give her.
The conversation of Mum’s Comeback dream stopped when we arrived at Arcare. It was time to pack her things and move her off to Sunshine Hospital and the Palliative Care Unit she had been in a couple of months before.
Weeks before I had made a promise to Mum that when things got closer I would take her back to Sunshine as they had a lot more staff and could help you cope easier with pain and other comforts. With her bags packed she declined the offer of an Ambulance preferring to go in my little car for the twenty minute trip. It was a hot day but she didn’t complain she just continued the conversation about what fun her Comeback would have been and then she zeroed in on me.
When are you going to make a Comeback Son? She said.
We had chatted about so many things the past few months, all sorts of people and places and memories, we had spent so much time together but she never really asked me that much about me. I asked her what she meant and she replied, “ You had so much talent, did so many things but you to seemed to have gotten lost the past few Years “You could have been so famous” she said, “You could have been so Happy”, why don’t you try again Son. You loved training and always said you wanted to write a book wow she was on a roll. I told her let’s focus on other things Mum and then I escaped the conversation as we had arrived at the Hospital. Check in and getting settled in her room took the place of Mums pressure question.
The next couple of days we just talked a lot. I spent as much time as I could beside Mum although she was starting to sleep a lot more. The weekend came and then so did the beginning of the end.
It was Sunday, normally Mum would wake me up with her traditional “what time you coming in” call at 7.30am followed by instructions and a shopping list. But on the 31stof January there was no call. I quickly drove to the hospital and there was Mummy not looking well, she was burning up, feeling very ill drifting in and out of sleep. The nurses were fantastic not holding back on any painkillers, checking on her without her needing to ring the bell.
I knew it was bad as Mum asked me to call my sister and Brother to come in. I sat and held her hand until they arrived and then we all sat there taking turns at holding her hand and kissing her head, and telling her time and time again how much we loved her.
After a few hours Mum seem to be settled and my Sister and Brother needed to take a time out so I volunteered to stay put for a couple hours to let them go home to their families for a little while. They had only been gone for a few minutes and then Mum quickly awoke suffering from a terrible Angina attack. A few chaotic minutes of trying to get her to breathe and calm down, another shot of morphine preceded and then all was settled again, and it was time to hold Mum’s hand one more and give her love and comforting words.
She was so still and at last relaxed and then out of the Blue she opened her eyes and told me that she was happy with my Brother and Sister but she still felt so unsettled about me. She told me that if I promised her that I would at last be happy in my life she could be settled. I told her I was happy but she just shook her head and reminded me of our conversation a few days earlier about “the Comeback” and that nothing would make her happier than if I promised that I would make mine happen, to Train again and to finally write that book.
I had to promise to my Mum that I would use all my talents to be happy in life and Love. I wanted her to settle so I told her that “it’s a deal” and I will do just that. I did that thinking it would keep her quiet and she would settle and relax but five minutes later? She opened her eyes again and like a little kid she smiled and said “You Promise” so I said yes and I guess that made it a real deal huh?
My Brother and Sister returned and the day grew on. Soon it was early evening and apart from the occasional movement Mummy was laying so still and silent, so my Brother and I decided we would go home for a little while, have a shower and sleep and then one of us would return to let our sister take her turn at doing the same.
We kissed Mummy, hugged our sister and went our separate lost ways; it’s such a terrible feeling leaving a scene like that.
I went back home, showered I didn’t eat anything I just laid down and quickly went to sleep I was so tired. I don’t know what time it was but in what seemed only a short period of time my phone rang and it was my sister to tell me the news I didn’t not want to hear that Mummy had left us.
On Wednesday she was given seven days, Mummy walked arm in arm with our dad and left us on Monday the 1stOf February 2010.
The Next few days were really a blur. I walked around like a zombie. I had read about the feeling, heard about it from others, had thought that I was prepared for it but nothing hits you like the loss of your Mummy and in my case it was like I had lost my best mate as well. We had spent the past few months side by side, talked so much about so many things and all of a sudden it was over.
My sister arranged a great funeral and now I had to sit down and write my feelings and thoughts, as I was to give one of the eulogies. I sat down and wondered what should I write? And then it just fell on the Computer screen. I had learnt so much, shared so much but some of the things really stood out and I wrote them so easily.
I won’t share the whole eulogy with you however some of the points were so very important I have included and would love to share them with you now.
Eulogy: Lessons I learnt from My Mummy
The Bible says, “Blessed are the meek, the merciful, those that strive righteousness and they will inherit the earth. It doesn’t say the Rich and famous is says the meek and pure of heart, and that was the first lesson from my Mum in this past three months. In the end all that matters are ….. the things that matter. In the end people don’t care what you know until they know how much you care and one action is less silent but more blessed than the other. You cannot buy these blessings, they cannot be faked and they must be given freely without any reward. Mum did this and was truly blessed and today there are people mourning. Some because they have been touched by mum’s gift and others because they were not. But bless all of you as you will be comforted, use my Mum as a testament of the power of “Down to Top” love, realise that in the end all that matters … are the things that matter and live them.
In the beginning I spoke with mum like most of us here talk with loved ones each day. I talked in urgency about needing to get going to make business moves, to organise to meet with this person and that person, I called her and said “Sorry Mummy busy going to be late today”. A couple of times I wanted to cancel visiting her so I could make one more email or call, but I soon found? All that really matters? Are the things that matter. I watched mum who cherished every today knowing there would be few tomorrows, and I changed my focus. My mum said many times on our parole days – “Son we worry
