and lows of your life performance and the good or bad scripts that are causing that. So we have to look some examples and then you can start to fill in your own Drama or Comedy Scripts and the things that want to make you scream … CUTTTTT
Let’s look at our Children? Ah bless them so wonderful and cuddly when they are born, butter would not melt in there mouths but then they grow up, walk and talk and then…Well trouble can be brewing and in my case being divorced and a long way from them both physically and emotionally for so many years it’s been rough ride to relationship heaven with my kids.
The script I had written in my head for my relationship with my own children was pretty well based on the old tried and true method of parenting that being, “I’m your dad so by virtue of my parent rights you will love and respect from the time your born till the time I die and that settles that”! How wrong could a guy be?
The children on the other hand had an even better script and that was “You terrible man you abandoned us when we small, you cheated on our mother, you never came to see us, you had so many girlfriends and you even forgot our birthdays and Christmas, so what do you care or know about being a dad”!
Wow, big difference in scripts, can you see that? So for years I had been running around thinking “that’s my script” and could not understand why I could not communicate with my children, why they didn’t want to speak to me, why they were not excited to see me. Well it just made no sense at all! As for my kids they would have an instant huge wall set up on any occasion we would see each other, as that is what their script performance demanded. Can you see the problem yet?
Problems with Performance as a Parent? Take a look at the Script, ditto with your Kids.
Brothers and Sisters can also be Interesting performances.
When I arrived back from living overseas for so many years, one of the first shocks to my system was that there was nobody to meet me at the Airport. I couldn’t understand it, in all the years of living overseas especially China each and every flight I would be on there would be a cast of many people waiting for me when I landed. Chinese Family and friends all excited, they would do the traditional Chinese thing and take all my bags off of me, offer me a cigarette and then proudly take me home or to a hotel. There would always be a special dinner that they would pay for at some wonderful hotel the night of my arrival. And Now at Melbourne Airport I’m alone fighting with Taxi drivers!
You see what my script was? I was the Brother who “believed” he was important and should be treated as such. My good old Australian way had a new script written with ‘Chinese subtitles” and I expected to be treated that way.
I sat around for days expecting to be picked up, barbecues to be held in my honour and why am I paying for my Hotel room? Where is the respect from my brother and sister that my part demands? The calls never came and I ate a lot of KFC and McDonalds.
Let’s take a look at the script my Brother and Sister had. “Oh that Brother” the one with the Chinese Attitude that the whole family world owes him favour, the one that called every so often, the one that hasn’t been around to help with Mum and dad, the one that never even came back to mow the lawns or take Mum shopping - oh he’s in town we will see him “Whenever”.
That’s a bit of a clash of scripts huh?
If I look through all the roles and even activities of my life? I will find a script that did not or does not match the script that would give me the chance to have a leading role in a Comeback. Even when it came to my Golf, my script for the driver went something like “Oh No if I use that thing the ball will go 50 Meters straight then 150 Metres to the right! And for that reason I left the driver in the bag and used a three Iron.
Business, family, all of our roles in life have a script, some great, some not so great. The great we can leave alone but for the not so great it is time to call CUT.
I could ask you now to take a good look at yourself and write down every role in your life and the scripts that you have written or thought for them, but I have found that all mountains are climbed one step at a time so let’s conquer your mountain with that method.
Before we get to write our current script I have to let you into a little secret, humans are really good at telling lies to themselves! I know you’re shocked but it happens when we are posed that question: “Now be totally honest with yourself”!
We tend to be driven by DHL (Not the delivery Company) I call it the Department of Human Lying! Now your DHL sits in the front of our brain so it’s located in a shallow place that really doesn’t make much progress in YOU development. A Typical DHL Script looks like this:
Comeback Role: Father
DHL Script for that Role:
I didn’t leave my kids I left their Mum, I send them Money every month, I call them for birthdays and Christmas, and they are older now they don’t need me as much. The older they get the more they will understand the situation and want to see me more, plenty of time.
Where we really want to get to is our FedEx, (Feelings, Emotions, Desires, Experiance Xcuses) to deliver our current script, so where is the FedEx part of our brain?
Well it’s the part that is deep deep back hiding in the shadows. It’s the part we have trouble visiting and exploring, as it is the action centre. When we start to get to this back section and we start to make moves our FedEx becomes like the real FedEx and “we live to deliver”.
I have found a good way to reach my FedEx, let me share it with you. First thing is I write my DHL version script for the Comeback Role I’m searching for in my life which is driven in most cases by what I feel I have to write, then I close my eyes and I let my imagination take over. I imagine I’m walking down the street and all of a sudden I get a tap on the shoulder and it’s a guy dressed in the Blue Uniform of FedEx, he has that little Computer in his hand and an overnight document satchel, he asks me if I’m Shane Hodge and I say yes, then he asks me to sign the little machine screen, hands me the satchel and says“Congratulations this is Your FedEx Life as a father”
I’m so excited, I open up the satchel and there it is my real life script, all my True Feelings, Emotions, Desires, Experiences, Xcuses and has been delivered to me in a sealed envelope that nobody has opened before. It’s all me, it’s all there for me to see, warts and all. Can you imagine that? Can you see it in your mind’s eye? What truths are written there? What is really and truthfully the Feelings, Emotions, Desires, Experience and Xcuses that have been holding you back? It’s not a pleasant moment, but for a Sensational Comeback FedEx must be faced.
Can you write them down today?
Or you can put the book down and do it right now, what part of your life what role would you really want to see a Comeback performance? And what is the FedEx script for that role right now?
Again just a little help:
Comeback Role: Father
FedEx Script: I really miss my kids and in fact I did leave them but I want to spend quality time with them but after all this time I just don’t know how. Sure I send them money but I want to be with them and share time with them, I want to see how they are doing and what they are doing, I want to share their interests, get to know their friends. I want them to be part of my life see what I do and enjoy it with me. I want to be more than a phone call and a cheque in the mail - I want to be a Dad.
Can you see the Feelings? Emotion?
