you visit senior residential or care facilities, you can easily spot the people in God’s Waiting Room. They are the ones who avoid social interaction and activities and feel there is little meaning left in life. They spend their days as if they are sitting in a laundromat waiting for clothes to dry. The dictionary says “to wait” means to stay in one place until someone comes for you. People in God’s Waiting Room have lost their zest for life.
A Road Map to Positive Aging
My cancer opened my eyes to the fragility of life. It taught me how to cope with life-threatening disease, as well as the physical and mental decline that accompanies aging. I was diagnosed with stage 3 esoph-ageal cancer when I was 62. My doctor made no promises, nor did he offer comforting words like “Don’t worry, we’ll beat this.” Instead, he told me stage 3 esophageal cancer was life threatening as he laid out a game plan that began with six weeks of chemotherapy and radiation. If that stage of the treatment proved to be successful, I would then need a seven-hour surgery on my esophagus and stomach. (An anatomy of my cancer battle is presented in Appendix D).
As I left the doctor’s office, the nurse tried to reassure me about the future. “If you survive this,” she said, “your cancer is an inconvenience.” I didn’t know at the moment, but she was so on-target.
I learned a great deal from my battle with cancer. In order to survive, I had little choice but to cope with the torturous effects of chemotherapy and radiation, and I had to learn to live with the fear that my cancer could spread (metastasize) and eventually kill me. I also had to learn to make post-surgery changes to my lifestyle. My stomach is now a long tube that runs up my chest; it is half the size of the original. Complications from my surgery require that I eat mostly soft foods (steak and pork chops are out) and liquids. I also must sleep on a 45-degree incline due to bile and acid reflux issues.
But I survived, and I now see cancer and its aftereffects as inconveniences. I have come to realize that every second, every minute, every day, every week, every month, every year, and every decade we are here in the physical realm we call life is a blessing.
My cancer journey is much like the aging journey. Every mark of aging, whether it is hearing loss, mobility loss, arthritis, Parkinson’s disease, Alzheimer’s disease, or multiple sclerosis, is an inconvenience. Inconvenience is something that causes trouble or problems. The inconveniences of aging are not life threatening—they are life changing. If you view the marks of aging as mere inconveniences, then the obstacles ahead, whatever they may be, aren’t as intimidating.
This book aims to help you age successfully and gracefully by helping you cope with the inconveniences that come with a long shelf life. Allow it to serve as a road map to positive aging.
There is no dearth of advice about how to cope positively with life, aging, and suffering. The activities and practices presented in this book reflect bits and pieces taken from Buddhism, spiritualism, New Age beliefs, laws of attraction, mindfulness, and other notions and techniques that offer positive ways to deal with the suffering of aging.
Aging is a lifelong process, and physical and mental decline occurs throughout one’s life span. With the right attitude and a healthy spirit, aging can bring about much joy and many rewards. Getting older is not all doom and gloom.
As individuals, we possess varying levels of physical, mental, and emotional strengths and weaknesses. The goal is to make adjustments in your life so you can better cope with “inconveniences,” such as changes to your appearance, bodily functions, and mental health, and even life-threatening diseases.
During my battle with cancer, I discovered a number of practices and activities that helped me endure and recover. They are building blocks for a foundation for successful and positive aging. I introduce these six building blocks here and then investigate each more fully in the following chapters.
➢ Your inner spirit (the power of me)
➢ Mindfulness
➢ Positivity
➢ The Four A’s
➢ Social support (the power of us)
➢ Balance
Your Inner Spirit (The Power of Me)
I believe we are more than our physical body—we also possess a spiritual body that is unaffected by time and aging. And I believe we need to spend more time on our spiritual side. We need to strengthen our spirit as our physical body declines. We need to go on a spiritual journey to prevent growing older.
In my view, nothing is more critical than a healthy spirit to cope with the marks of aging. This is the power of me. It is unfortunate, but most of us place little focus on our spirit as we live our lives. Most people are unaware of the powerful role that their spirits can play in their lives, particularly as they age.
Many religions and philosophies deal with this issue. Among them, as an example, is Buddhism, which is about finding freedom from suffering so humans can experience a peaceful existence. If your spirit effectively manages the suffering of aging, you allow joy into your life.
Whether you are an 18-year-old teenager, a 27-year-old woman about to be married, a 45-year-old businessman, a 67-year-old empty nester retiree, or a 91-year-old elderly woman, you will rely on your spirit to confront the struggles of aging. We feel the cumulative aches and pains in our back and other body parts with each passing year. We no longer jump as high or run as fast as in our younger years. Sexual drive peaks too soon for many of us. We take more and more meds to counter our physical and mental diminishment. Ultimately, many of us experience serious declines in quality of life or face life-threatening diseases. With the support of family and friends, combined with a healthy spirit, growing old can be a positive, if not exciting, journey.
Mindfulness
Mindfulness is living in the present moment, free from worries about the past or the future. This practice helps people appreciate every moment in life, an effective distraction from focusing on physical and mental decline.
Positivity
Learning to stay positive helps us maintain our self-worth as we face the challenges of aging. It helps us avoid negative thoughts and embrace life head-on.
The Four A’s
Incorporating the Four A’s—acceptance, adaptation, appreciation, attitude—into your life will help you find your way to the Positive Aging Room.
Social Support (The Power of Us)
Perhaps the greatest benefit of providing social support to a person experiencing the struggles of aging is to lift his or her spirit. One is a lonely number. We are all in this life together. If we help each other as we age, we can experience joy rather than suffering. This is the power of us.
Whether it is a life-threatening disease or a quality-of-life decline due to aging, people need support. You need other people who can act as your safety net.
I cannot overemphasize how important it is for humans to stick together as we age. Life can be wonderful in our senior years if we have a support network. Together we can make a difference.
MY JOURNEY
At 62 years old, cancer came a bit early from my perspective. You
