done it “her way”.
After grappling with this idea for a long time of “letting go and letting God”, I surrendered.
I stood in the sunlight at last. A new world came into view. How blind I had been!
I experienced an amazing sense of freedom. My compulsion and obsession with self diminished, my fear of people and life eased and selfseeking was replaced by reaching out and sharing with others. I ruthlessly faced my shortcomings and became willing to have my new found God take them away.
I had to humble myself and grow into a state of honest selfawareness and accept all aspects of myself and admit to my faults. This process was long and hard, yet simple. It has given me the freedom to move on with my life, to let go of the past and to not project into the future and learn to live in the now.
It’s not always easy to make the right choices. This is especially true when trying to live by spiritual principles in a material world. I often find myself trying to take back the controls of life but my conscious contact with God keeps me grounded, humble, honest and willing to hand it back with love and gratitude.
This ‘new I’ is evolving into the person I was born to be. Love is a new frontier for me. I am learning to love myself and to give freely the Love I have received and share it all around.
My relationship with my God is personal: He walks with me through the good times and the bad. I ask for His protection and care each day as I venture out in anticipation of another fantastic day. Whatever the outcome may be at the end of the day, I thank God for it. I have learnt so much about who I really am for the very first time and I accept myself, defects and all. I strive for progress rather than perfection. After all, there is only One who is perfect.
I have much to be grateful for today.
Firstly, to God, who has restored my sanity and serenity and relieved me from active addictions.
To my husband and two daughters, whose lives had become as unmanageable as mine in times of despair: I love you.
I am hugely grateful to those wonderful people who loved me when I was unable to love myself and who showed me the way to God.
Today, I live each day according to God’s plan. I keep my life simple and live one day at a time. I am eternally grateful to Him for my altered attitude and for His Will working in my life, ever reminding myself never to shut the door on my past where I lived a life of destruction and darkness.
Faith without work is dead. I am passionate about sharing my story of hope with others and am willing to help others suffering with addictions.
Today I’m living and not just existing.“Praise be to God”!
3
Please
Ria Mills
When God is your first choice all other choices become easier.
The rest will follow automatically.
When one has been through a great trial or when something unbelievably painful has happened in your life, something exceptionally traumatic, people often ask questions along the following lines:
What choices did you make at this juncture in your life?
How have these choices influenced your life thus far?
What challenges did you experience after you made your choice? and
In your opinion, what would the consequences have been had you chosen an opposite direction?
My answer to most of these questions is simple: I really don’t know, because most of these choices were probably made for me by my Creator, who knew what was best for me. He took over and made decisions on my behalf when I was too bewildered to make any choices of my own.
The consequences, had I chosen a different direction? I would have sunk; I would have perished, I would have drowned in despair.
This is not really my story. I am not the main character in this tale. The main characters are my son, particularly, but also my husband. They play the lead roles. I am merely sharing my emotions on what happened to them.
Sometimes one is – fortunately or otherwise – not afforded the opportunity to make some of the very greatest choices in life oneself. As a human being, you are merely allowed to make the other choices in given circumstances, because the Great Master Himself has decided what will happen to you. He gives you the space to make smaller or bigger decisions in relation to His big decision. My humble experience is that He is constantly there to take over when you are no longer able to do anything and can only ask: please please please ... That was how I experienced my part of the story.
This little tale of “choices in my life” doesn’t begin at the very beginning. It begins about 10 years ago, or to be precise, nine years and ten months ago.
My choices before then were so easy. I grew up in a home where I knew and believed from early childhood that there was a Creator who was always there for those who believed. My primary and high school years were also characterised by Christian education. It was always easy. You could commit your wishes, hopes and concerns to God and He would provide – it was never an issue! Everything would be fine – and usually was.
When I had my own family, all choices still remained easy; again everything went smoothly. Our children achieved well in whatever they did; sometimes even above average.
My husband cared well for us and gave us much love. Again, choices were straightforward. It was easy to believe in God’s grace and mercy. We were never confronted with serious choices that would have been life-changing or had any radical effect on our beliefs.
From time to time I did read about important choices and decisions in the Bible – important earthly decisions related to material, faith or life-changing issues. I would perhaps consider them for a minute or two, reflect on them for while – and then forget about them again.
I read about St Peter’s choice to deny his relationship with Jesus. I read of Jonah’s decision to free and rather brave the dangers of the sea. I read about Moses who decided to strike the rock instead of just touching it with his staff ... and his senseless decision to fashion a golden calf. I read about Judas’ decision to betray Jesus. I even judged these people in my mind, because my own choices were never made in times of total despair; of feeling totally overwhelmed by circumstances! My life knew no despair! And my choices, as a result, were very easy.
When I read about Abraham, who had to decide whether to sacrifice his son, I would quickly turn the page. What a terrifying, superhuman and unthinkable choice to make! Mary’s choices after Jesus’ crucifixion filled me with admiration and awe. Because my greatest fear, as long as I can remember, was – and still is – that of losing a child. There has been no greater fear in my life.
One terrifying, unthinkable day, a choice had to be made. There wasn’t a moment’s doubt in my mind ... My choice was for life, irrespective of the future – because I knew that God had no limits. That He was not bound by time, and that He would also be there in future, regardless.
On 8 December 2000, my son, at the time a general practitioner in a small rural hospital on the border with Swaziland, was involved in an accident. He fell asleep at the wheel on the way home from the hospital.
