in a broken reed. ‘But on what ground do you intend to canvass the borough, for much of your chance of success will depend on that?’
‘Mr. Tough, I am but a ’prentice in the craft of Parliament, and cannot advise a man of your experience; but last year I had gotten a good repute there for a piece of honest business that I did concerning the post-office, by which I made an arrangement most satisfactory to the public, and far better than was expected for the behoof of those more immediately concerned.’
‘Oh, I heard something of that, and that Mr. Spicer had vowed revenge for the way you had caused a short coming to his son-in-law.’
‘Yes, Mr. Tough, I understand that for the pains I took to get his gude son that office, which he represented to me was worth nothing, he has rebelled against me; now, as in that affair ye will allow I acted a very public-spirited part, it is not to be supposed that all the corporation will be of his way of thinking.’
‘You have, Mr. Jobbry, come to me in the proper time; a few days later and all had been lost. But we must bestir ourselves. If you are intent to gain the borough again, you must make a stir this very night; though it is to me a great inconvenience, we must set off together for Frailtown, and pay our respects to the leading members of the corporation; and, to shew our independence, let me suggest to you that our backs must be turned on this Mr. Spicer, who certainly has merited the greatest contempt for his conduct.’
The corruption of my nature being up, this advice was very congenial; and I told him to get a chaise, and to come to me at my lodgings by nine o’clock that night, and in the course of the journey we would have time to lay our heads together, and concert in what manner it would be best to proceed.
Accordingly, as there is nothing like despatch and secrecy in getting the weather-gauge of your opponent in an election, I went from Mr. Tough’s office to the House of Commons, and was there before five o’clock, by which expedition no one suspected where I could have been; and I remained in the House, taking my chop upstairs, and shewing myself well to every one about, so that none could think I was meditating an evasion. I saw Mr. Gabblon sitting, well pleased, on the Opposition side; poor, infatuated young man, little suspecting the sword that was hanging by a single hair over his devoted head. Others of my friends saw something of a change about me, and came asking what stroke of good fortune had come to pass that I was looking so blithe and bright? and my answer to them was most discreet, knowing that it was commonly thought I intended to retire from Parliament when the session was over. I said to them that I was only glad to see our weary labours and drowsy night-work drawing to a close; and that Parliament, which I had chosen, in a great mistake, as a place of recreation, had proved far otherwise. Thus it came to pass, that after ‘biding in this ostentatious manner in the House till past eight o’clock, I slipped quietly out, and hastening home to my lodgings in Manchester Buildings, had just time to get my valise made ready, when Mr. Tough, in the post-chaise, came to the door, and sent up his name. Down I went to him with the valise in my hand – in I jumped beside him – and away we went. But clever and alert as I was, when the chaise was driving out of Cannon Street, a fire-engine, with watermen and torches thereon, stopped us a little while; and, as it was passing, the flare of the torches cast a wild light in upon us, and, to my consternation, there, in the crowd, did I see the red face and the gleg eyes of Mr. Probe, who was standing on the pavement and looking me full in the face, with Mr. Tough beside me. This was, to be sure, an astounding thing, and I told Mr. Tough of the same; but he made no remark further than saying to the post-boy, in a voice loud enough for Mr. Probe to hear, ‘Drive straight to the Elephant and Castle.’ This was a souple trick of Mr. Tough, for it was quite in an opposite direction to where we intended to go; and, as we drove along, when we came to the obelisk in St. George’s Fields, he again directed the post-boy to make all the haste he could over Blackfriar’s Bridge, and get to the north road with the utmost expedition.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
In the course of the journey to Frailtown, we arranged together a very expedient system; and, as Mr. Tough said, ‘we could not but succeed’. He was really a very clever and dexterous man, and I was so content with what he advised, that, being somewhat fatigued on the second night, I proposed that we should sleep at Beverington, which is a stage short of Frailtown, and which, being a considerable manufacturing town, has a much more commodious inn. To be sure, we might have gone to the hotel at Physickspring, a most capital house; but I had understood that the sedate inhabitants of the borough had no very affectionate consideration for that hotel; and therefore, as it was my business not to give offence to them, I thought it would be just as well to sleep at Beverington, and go on betimes in the morning to the borough.
Accordingly we did so; and in the morning we resumed the remainder of the road, and were not a little surprised, when we were crossing the bridge of Frailtown, to hear vast shouts and huzzas rising from the heart of the town, and to see all hands, young and old, clodpoles and waggoners, all descriptions of persons, wearing purple and orange cockades, and bellowing, like idiots, ‘Gabblon for ever!’
My heart was daunted by the din, and Mr. Tough was just a provocation by his laughter; especially when, before we got to the Royal Oak Inn, in the market-place, we met a great swarm of the ragamuffins drawing Mr. Gabblon and that ne’er-do-weel Probe, in their postchaise, in triumph, without the horses. The latter, limb of Satan, as he was, had suspected our journey, and had gone immediately to his client; off at once they came from London, and while we, like the foolish virgins, were slumbering and sleeping at Beverington, they had passed on to Frailtown, and created all this anarchy and confusion.
But the mischief did not end with that. The ettercap Probe, on seeing us, shouted in derision, and the whole mob immediately began to halloo and yell at us in such a manner, flinging dirt and unsavoury missiles at us, that we were obliged to pull up the blinds, and drive to the inn in a state of humiliation and darkness. To speak with decorum of this clever stratagem of the enemy, we were, in fact, greatly down in the mouth; and for some time after we got safe into the inns, we wist not well what to do. Gabblon and Probe were masters of the field, and Mr. Spicer was their herald every where. At last, Mr. Tough bethought him of an excellent device to cut them out; and accordingly he sent for the landlord, and spoke to him if there was nobody in the town who had a grudge at Mr. Spicer, and would, for a consideration, befriend us in our need.
There was, to be sure, some hazard in this, as Mr. Gabblon and his familiar were likewise inmates of the same inn, and the landlord was, or pretended to be, reluctant to side with either of the candidates. But Mr. Tough persuaded him to send for a man whom he said he knew, who bore a deadly hatred to Mr. Spicer, and was, moreover, a relation of the Misses Stiches, for whom I had done so much. This man was accordingly brought forward. His name was Isaac Gleaning, an elderly person, and slow of speech, but a dungeon of wit. We received him with familiar kindness; and told him of the misfortune that had overtaken us, by our fatigue constraining us to sleep at Beverington.
‘It has,’ said Isaac, ‘been a great misfortune, for your adversaries have got the ears of the mob, and the whole town is in such an uproar that you must not venture to shew your horns in the street.’
‘What then,’ said I, ‘is to be done?’
‘Well,’ replied Isaac, ‘I have been thinking of that; the players are just now at Physickspring, and they have a very funny fellow among them: could not you send for the manager and the clown, and pay them well to be a mountebank and merry-andrew this evening in the market-place; and get them to throw funny squibs and jibes to the mob, against Mr. Gabblon and his compeers?’
Mr. Tough rubbed his hands with glee at this suggestion, and no time was lost in sending for the manager: over he came, and we soon privately made a paction with him; whereupon due notice was sent by the bellman through the town, that a great physician from the Athens of the north, with his servant, a learned professor, was to exhibit his skill and lofty tumblings in the market-place.
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